Baby Makes Three
by cntrysingerchick
Summary: Sequel to "And Then There Were Two". Derek and Meredith prepare to welcome their son, Lexie and Mark face the unknown with their daughter, a health crisis changes someone's life, and the healing from past tragedy continues.
1. Starting Fresh

**Author's Note:**

**This story is a sequel that continues my first fic "And Then There Were Two". If you have not read that story yet, it is probably a good idea for you to do so as this story picks up right where that one left off and you will find yourself very confused without understanding what these couples have been through.**

**If you're reading because you've read "Then There Were Two", thank you so much for your continued support! This fic will contain zero character death. I can't promise that there won't be angst and sadness, but I can promise that it won't be anything like what was in my last story. This story will not be all fluff. I have a difficult time writing fluff. So, there will be two major conflicts here. We will be dealing with Lexie and Mark's baby, and also with a medical crisis that I am not going to disclose yet. I know some people are confused as to why I ended the last one with loose ends. I see these stories like I see a season finale on Grey's Anatomy, so I am simply going to pick this story up right were the last left off.**

**At this time, I do have a third story planned for this series. So I promise to wrap up all of the story lines, tie up all of the lose ends, give no cliffhangers, and provide everyone with a happy ending!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe that we actually did it," Meredith smiled as she looked over at Derek from where they were laying in bed together. "I mean, I'm actually your wife. You real wife. Like, the legal kind. The kind that has your last name. Not the post-it note kind, not the kind that people make fun of. Not the kind that can't actually legally make any decisions. You know…if you were to get in some kind of crazy accident or something."

"Are you already plotting my demise?" Derek laughed and rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand as he looked at her. "I half expected you to bolt."

"I'm all whole and healed you know. Did that, a long time ago. Before I even married you, as a matter of fact. So I take offense to that. Because I've been whole and healed for a while." Meredith made a face though she of course was just teasing back and forth with him. She didn't take offense to what he said, even if she knew he was serious. In her mind, none of that mattered. What did matter was that she was Mrs. Meredith Shepherd. She was Derek Shepherd's wife. His real wife. The kind of wife that had to actually file for divorce to get away. The kind of wife that people would have to recognize.

"I know you are, Mer. I know you're whole and healed. I don't doubt that." Derek smiled and kissed her gently, running his fingers through her hair. "You know, when I first met you, I knew I'd marry you. I didn't know it would take this long and be so difficult to get you to commit…but I knew."

"That was before you knew I was all dark and twisty." Meredith smiled.

"Definitely before."

She laughed, laying her head down on her pillow though she kept her eyes on him.

"How are you feeling?" Derek reached over and put his hand on her stomach. Even if she seemed fine and hadn't really complained about being sick at all, he was still concerned.

Meredith grinned, amused at his worry. She reached down and put her hand on his. "I'm good. Not puking, so that's good. I mean, I at least enjoyed our reception food."

"Better than usual," He agreed, leaning over so he could kiss her. "I love you, Mrs. Shepherd." His hand left her belly to trail over her side.

"I love you too, Derek." She actually giggled a bit, causing him to laugh as she kissed him. "I'm trying to be romantic here!"

"If my memory serves me correctly, you started with the giggling." He pointed out, though he ended up just kissing her again.

"Are you arguing with the pregnant lady?" Meredith's face only caused him to laugh again and she ended up playfully rolling her eyes. "The pregnant lady is always right, you know. Haven't you figured that out by now?" She yawned, the last of her sentence sort of just trailing off as she glanced at the clock.

"Okay, Mer." Derek smiled, simply being agreeable as usual. "You should get some sleep. It's been a long day."

"You're staying, right? Because nobody should have to sleep alone on the night of their wedding. Not even pregnant people."

"I'm staying." He assured her. "Right here, with you." Derek pulled her back into his arms, running his fingers through her hair as she rested her head on his chest.

"When do you think you and Addison are going to do Lexie's surgery?

He was surprised that she brought it up, especially on the evening of their wedding, but answered anyway despite the fact that the surgery was one he was actually nervous about. It wasn't every day that he performed a tumor removal on a baby that was still technically unborn. "I think Addison wants to wait another few weeks. It depends on whether or not the tumor is growing at a fast speed. If it starts getting too large, we'll have to go in sooner. But she still wants to try to get her to twenty-six weeks first."

"Do you think it will work?" Meredith finally got brave enough to ask the question that had been on her mind since they'd found out about her sister's baby. "I mean, do you think you'll be able to fix it, or do you think that maybe it's..."

"Mer..." Derek shifted so he could look at her. Even if she wasn't coming right out and saying it, his concern was that his wife would end up projecting the trouble with Lexie's pregnancy onto their baby. The last thing he wanted was for her to become obsessed with making sure their baby didn't have the same birth defect. Things were already on edge enough, and he knew it was all too easy for both Meredith and himself to get into a pattern of fear again. "Lexie's in good hands. She's in the right place. Addison is the best of the best. You know that."

"I know. But, there's still a chance, right? There's still a chance that the baby could die? Or have some sort of neurological impairment?" She wasn't easily assured by his words, but her fear wasn't for herself or for their baby like he worried it was. Meredith was worried for Lexie. She was scared that her sister would have to go through the same heartbreaking pain that they'd gone through. It was something she wouldn't wish on anyone. The pain of losing a baby, born or not, was something that was unexplainable. It was too much. For anyone. And definitely for Lexie.

"There's always a chance, Mer."

"What chance? I want to know the truth, Derek. What are the chances that they won't end up with this baby, or that the baby will have disabilities?"

He sighed. More than anything Derek wanted to protect her. He wanted to protect her even if in the back of his mind he knew that she didn't need protecting. He knew that his wife was strong, that she was capable of handling just about anything. There was no use though, of lying to her. He knew that. She'd figure it out anyway. They were both surgeons, and even if she was just a resident, she'd figure it out. "The chance of death with a tumor growing so quickly at the gestation she's at is probably about thirty percent. And from the ultrasound, which wasn't really much to go by, I would say that the chance of the baby having some level of neurological impairments is probably about fifty percent. But there's really no way to know, Mer. There's no way to know what is going to happen. Only time can tell us that. Addison's main concern is premature labor. I think she's pretty convinced that we won't be able to avoid that one."

"They don't deserve this," Her voice was soft, her arm wrapping around her stomach almost protectively. "Lexie and Mark...they don't deserve this. Lexie's so...fragile. She isn't like me, Derek. She's happy and bubbly and all hopeful about everything. Do you know what this will do to her? And Mark...he's barely recovered from drinking. What if..."

"Mer..." He put a hand to her chin, looking into her eyes.

"I'm scared.." She whispered. "The pain of losing Grayson..it was too much. I don't want my sister going through that. I don't want Mark going through that. He's Mark. He's McSteamy."

There was no helping the smile that appeared on his face at the mention of the nickname she and her friends had first given his former best friend. "I'm a good surgeon, right?"

"McDreamy." Meredith smiled back, slowly starting to calm down.

"And Addison...she's pretty good, right?"

"Derek..."

"I'm serious, Mer. I know you're scared. But we're good at what we do. And we're going to do everything we can to keep Lexie and her baby safe. I'm going to do my best work." He kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep. Okay?"

"Goodnight, Derek." She finally closed her eyes, though their conversation was still fresh on her mind.

***** [break] *****

"Hey, you okay?" Derek stepped into the hallway bathroom after coming down the stairs, still working on buttoning up his shirt the next morning. A frown settled on his face when he saw her leaning over the toilet, no doubt losing her breakfast.

Meredith didn't answer at first, sort of lurching forward a bit as her stomach turned over once again, rejecting the cereal she'd had just twenty minutes ago. "Doesn't taste so good the second time around." She mumbled, sinking down against the wall when she was finally sure she was done being sick.

"How long have you been like this?" He sighed and knelt down next to her, not about to leave until he was sure that his wife was okay.

"This morning? A few minutes, but I got sick a couple times last night too."

"Maybe you should take the day off, Meredith. I know you hate to do that, but..."

"Just...can you get me some water? I'll be fine." Meredith wasn't about to stay home just because she was getting sick. She was determined to be at work despite her miserable pregnancy symptoms.

He sighed, knowing better than to argue with her. "I want you taking it easy today at work. And you need to make sure you're eating and drinking something, especially since you're throwing up like this. You could become dehydrated."

"I'm scrubbing in with you on that craniotomy at eight, remember?" She got up slowly, giving her body time to figure out how to stand up straight without feeling like the room was spinning before she grabbed the spare toothbrush from the drawer, quickly getting rid of the taste in her mouth. "Come on baby, work with me here a little." She looked down at her belly. "Mommy has a big surgery today. The kind I can't miss. So you're going to have to find something better to do than make me sick. Okay? I mean, we could make a deal. I'll buy you that cute little giraffe in the gift shop at the hospital, and you give me a day off from the puking. You're making daddy hover. I hate the hovering." She rested her hand on her stomach, smiling as Derek came with her water. "Thanks."

"Are the two of you having a good conversation?" He grinned, glad to see her at least on her feet though he knew there were no guarantees things would stay that way.

"As a matter of fact..." Meredith took a couple sips of her water then put the cup down on the counter, glancing at her watch. "We made a deal. Baby gets that cute little yellow giraffe in the gift shop if I get a day off from being sick."

"Is that so?" Derek laughed, placing a hand on her belly as he kissed her. "About that craniotomy.."

"I've been waiting three days, Derek."

"I know. But you come before a surgery. There are craniotomies all the time, Mer. Just make sure you're feeling okay. Otherwise, you can scrub in on the next one."

"Scouts honor." She held up three fingers, smiling. "Happy and healthy, or you get Cristina."

"Better make good on that deal with your mommy," Derek looked down at her belly. He knew she could tell her clothes were fitting differently and he could definitely see the thickening around her waist, but it wasn't yet noticeable to anyone else.

"Daddy doesn't like mommy's best friend." Meredith made a face, heading to the car with him. "But that's too bad for daddy because she's your godmother. And she loves you, even if she acts like she doesn't really do babies."

"She doesn't." Derek opened the car door for her.

"She likes our babies." Meredith argued.

"No offense Mer, but I'm not really sure that babies and Cristina go in the same sentence."

"You never know. She could surprise you." Meredith argued.

**** [break] *****

"I hope your wedding was worth it, because Owen's driving me crazy."

"Derek's being all concerned and protective. Annoying." Meredith stood at the nurses station with Cristina, leaning over the counter as she glanced through a patient's chart.

"He's insisting that getting married is a good idea. I don't get married. I tried that, with Burke. But that was it. No marriage for me. Not again."

"Derek tried to tell me that I shouldn't scrub in on the craniotomy. The one he promised me. He promised me a week ago. And I'm his wife now. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"I told Owen no. I told him no about ten times. But he says you did it. He says you did it so we should do it."

Meredith glanced over to her. "I threw up fruit loops this morning. Fruit loops are gross when they come back up. Really gross. And they burn."

"Owen wants babies too. He never really said much about them before, but he wants them now. He wants them now that you're having babies, and Lexie's having babies. I don't even like babies!"

"The baby and I made a deal. We had to make a deal, just so I can do my surgery. I made a deal with my ten week-old fetus. And Derek laughed."

"I'll take your craniotomy. If you don't want it. I'll take it."

Meredith shot her a look and headed off to check on her patients. She was interrupted though by the all-too familiar feeling from earlier that morning. "I thought we had a deal." She mumbled, quickly heading toward the bathroom.

"Dr. Grey, is there a reason your charts from last week ended up in my stack? My stack?!"

"Dr. Bailey...I can't...I'll be right back."

"Doctor Grey!" Miranda wasn't having any of the excuses, putting her hands on her hips as she demanded attention.

She wasn't going to make it. There was no way that she would make it to the bathroom. She was going to puke right there in the hallway. Right there in the hallway where people could see. Where doctor Bailey could see. And then she'd know. Doctor Bailey would know that something was up. And people would know. People would know about the baby. And then Derek would find out she was still sick. And if he found out she'd lose her craniotomy. Meredith groaned and grabbed the garbage can from behind the nurses desk, leaning over it just in time to throw up what was left of her breakfast. "...I'll do the charts. Right now. Or, after my surgery." She sighed, taking a moment to catch her breath before she put the trashcan down and stood up.

"Grey..." Miranda Bailey frowned, looking at the resident skeptically. "Is there something you need to tell me? Because I'm pretty sure we all ate the same danged food last night. So I don't want to hear that it was something you ate. And I hope you're not walking around this hospital with a fever. Not even those interns are fools enough to come to work with a bug. Do you understand me?"

"Doctor Bailey..." The color was draining from her face, and as the room began to spin, Meredith knew she had no choice but to get off her feet despite the scene she was already causing. She didn't complain though. She didn't complain about the only other person standing near enough to see what was going on.

Mark Sloan slid his arm around her just as she started to sink to the floor, sliding a chair underneath her before she even had a chance to realize what was going on. "No offense, Meredith, but you look like crap."

"Don't tell Derek." The first words out of her mouth only earned an amused look from the man standing next to her, but she did take a few minutes after that to take in some deep breaths in an effort to get her body back to some sort of equilibrium.

"The craniotomy. I know, he told me." Mark laughed, glancing over to Miranda who was still there with her hands on her hips, obviously trying to figure out what exactly was going on.

"Please, Mark."

"Get up, Grey. Get up, and shut up." Miranda took over again, demanding answers from her despite the feeling that was already making its way into her mind.

"I'm a Shepherd now." Meredith reminded her, trying to change the subject.

"Grey!" Miranda wasn't having any of it. "Exam room four. Now!"

Mark decided to simply stay out of the way, knowing better than to get involved. "Don't worry. I won't say anything." Despite his promise, he headed off down the hall to find Derek, doubting that his friend's new wife would even make it to the operating room in the next thirty minutes. Not with Miranda Bailey hovering over her.

"I'm going to give you a chance to tell me what's going on. Otherwise I'll let Dr. Shepherd know that you'll be covering the pit rather than scrubbing in on his craniotomy. Because if you're walking around here getting people sick...if I take some sort of stomach bug home to my son..."

"Doctor Bailey." Meredith sighed, glancing at the clock on the wall as she sat down at the exam table. "I don't have any kind of stomach bug." She insisted. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant..." Miranda didn't look like she approved, sort of just taking a moment to watch the girl in front of her before she decided how to respond.

"Ten weeks." She added, trying to figure out how to read her.

"And just when were you planning on telling me? When you told the rest of these fools around here?"

Finally it was clear to Meredith that she was happy, even if she kept up the tough act. "We were going to tell, Dr. Bailey, as soon as I felt like we were out of window for a miscarriage."

"A miscarriage?" Bailey rolled her eyes. "You aren't having any miscarriage, Grey! But if you don't slow down and take care of yourself, you're going to end up back at home again. No dang craniotomy is worth being sick over. And to think I thought you were better than the rest of those fools running around here. Smarter." She shook her head. "If I find out you're putting surgeries above your health, I'll be making your schedule myself. Do you understand that?"

"I understand, Dr. Bailey. Derek's making sure I'm under lock and key. Don't worry." She smiled and got up from the table. "I'm going to be late."

"For the dang craniotomy." Miranda stepped aside, letting her go even though it was definitely against her better judgment. "And eat something, Grey, before you hit the floor!" She sighed, watching her go. "Fools. All of them."

***** [break] *****

"Doctor Grey. I didn't think you'd be joining us. We were just about to page doctor Yang." Mark's surprise was obvious when he saw Derek's wife walk into the operating room.

Meredith made a face, though the only part visible over her surgical mask was the obvious frustration in her eyes. He'd promised not to say anything, and she was all too aware that it was still early enough for Derek to throw her out. "I don't know why you'd say that. I'm here, early." She pointed out, acting as if she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Everything okay, Dr. Shepherd?" Derek looked across the operating table to her, eyeing her carefully. He wasn't about to let her stand in on a five plus hour surgery if it meant putting her health at risk.

She smiled, looking over to him though she wasn't sure whether or not she'd be able to fool him into believing that things really were fine. "I'm great." She insisted, stepping to the side of the table next to Mark who was only there to make sure their patient escaped the procedure with minimal scarring.

"Okay then," Derek smiled and turned his attention to his patient, glancing at the clock. "Lets get started." He took the scalpel from the scrub nurse. "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

He really was charming. Too charming. The kind of charming that made her think of dirty elevator sex right there in the operating room, right there in the middle of a craniotomy. Meredith smiled, her eyes on him for a minute while he made the initial cut.

"Okay, you guys have to stop. I know you just got married…but come on." Mark made a face, looking from her to him before he shook his head. "It's going to be a long five hours."

"You could always go, doctor Sloan. I mean, if my wife is bothering you." Derek offered, though his attention was focused on the open brain in front of him.

It wasn't until later when Meredith was just about to open her mouth to say something that she was suddenly just too aware of the smells in the room. The cleaning agents combined with the smells of the drugs that were being used along with some of the other smells such as latex and plastic hit her with a fury, causing her settled stomach to suddenly launch into a series of flip-flops that left her more nauseated than she'd even been when she was throwing her guts up that morning. She tried to calm things back down, closing her eyes as she took a few deep breaths. There was no way she was going to miss out on that surgery, though she knew throwing up all over the floor wasn't really an option.

"Meredith?"

"Doctor Grey…Shepherd?"

It was the sound of one of the scrub nurses voices that finally pulled her back into reality. "Huh?" She frowned when she realized they were all staring at her, even Derek. Her eyes met his. "I'm fine." It was a quick response, and only earned her a concerned gaze.

"Scrub out, doctor Shepherd." It was the last thing he wanted to do, but Derek wasn't about to let her pass out there on the floor. He could already see the color draining from what he could see of her face.

She quickly shook her head. "No, I'm okay. I was just, thinking." It was a convincing argument, even to the man who usually saw straight through her.

"Go ahead and make the cut." He watched as the scrub nurse handed the scalpel over to her. They were already an hour or so into the surgery, and he wasn't quite sure she was going to hold up, but he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Meredith suddenly realized she hadn't even heard what he'd originally asked her to do, so she was relieved when he began to talk her through it. Within minutes though, after she made the cut and as she was helping him suction, she realized an okay situation was going downhill quickly. A sharp pain shot through her lower belly, and she fought to hold in a gasp, though she jerked just enough to cause her husband to utter a not so nice word. "Sorry!" Her apology was instant.

"Big Grey…" Mark caught her wince, even if she tried desperately to hide it. He looked over to Derek, trying to figure out if he should say anything else.

"I'm fine." She insisted, putting her focus back on the surgery.

"Meredith." Derek could see her fading, and he stopped what he was doing. "Can some one please escort doctor Shepherd out and make sure she gets something to eat? And some water." He wasn't going to take no for an answer.

She didn't argue with him. That time, she didn't argue with him. The pain wasn't like her last pregnancy. It wasn't a contraction pain, or at least she didn't think it was. But then again, there was no way to be sure. All she knew was that her body was protesting no rest. Her body was screaming at her to sit down, and she knew she had no choice. Nausea was causing the room to spin, and as the walls began to close in on her, she was aware of her husband semi-shouting her name just before she dropped to the floor.

Mark caught her just before she hit the tile, gathering her into his arms. "I'll take care of it." He assured his friend who looked like he might bolt right there in the middle of his craniotomy.

"She's pregnant," Derek blurted it out, just like that. In that moment, it didn't matter that she'd be upset with him. What mattered was making sure his wife and his baby were okay. "Make sure someone takes a look at her. Page doctor Davis."

Mark caught his gaze, and nodded. "She'll be fine." He carried her out of the operating room.

Derek wasn't convinced, but as the nurse alerted him to changing vitals in his patient, he knew he had no choice but to continue with the surgery. He would have to trust Mark. He would have to trust Mark Sloan with his wife, and with his baby.

**I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please, please, please let me know what you think! Reviews are so motivating for updating and so great to read! **

**Yes, this does semi-resemble the first chapter in the last story. That was done on purpose. Don't panic! Cross my heart…it is not the same!**

**-Katie**


	2. Have a Little Faith

**Thank you guys SO much for the reviews so far. I really appreciate them!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Two**

"Amy." Derek turned to one of the nurses, pulling his scrub cap off and tossing it into the garbage can as he walked out of the scrub room leading to the O.R.. "Have you seen doctor Shepherd?" He'd managed to make it through the surgery. Even if worry for his wife and unborn baby had pushed him to his limits, he had finished his surgery. His patient was stable, but he had no idea how Meredith was. He hated that. Derek Shepherd hated that his patient had come before the woman he loved. He hated it, but he knew there was nothing he could do. It had been hours though, and he wanted to see her. He needed to see her.

The nurse walking bysmiled cheerily at the former chief of surgery, glad that she could answer his question. The urgency in his voice made it obvious that he wouldn't be too happy with a simple no. "Doctor Sloan took her downstairs a few hours ago, but I think they are in the on-call room now."

"Thank you," He was brief. Even if he was grateful for her help, Derek was brief. Instead of hanging around to chat or to finish up post-op notes, he headed straight for the on-call room, determined to see his wife before another patient tied up any more of his time.

"Shep," Mark smiled when he saw Derek coming down the hallway, rounding the corner with a bottle of water and a bowl of soup from the cafeteria in hand. "She's okay." He didn't have to be asked. Mark Sloan knew exactly what his best friend wanted to know. "I took her down to the emergency department. She was dehydrated."

"Dehydrated…" Derek let it sit for a moment before he frowned, guilt suddenly weighing heavily on him. "I told her not to overdo it. I told her to be careful. To eat something. To make sure she had water."

"She said she had something. Doctor Davis came down. She thinks it was caused by the throwing up. They gave her some I.V. fluids, then I brought her up here so she could sleep. I offered to take her home, but she said she wanted to wait for you."

"I.V. fluids." Derek sighed. "I should have told her no, about the surgery. There are surgeries every day. She told me she was sick last night. I should have made sure that she rested and got something else in her stomach…at least had some water."

"Derek…" Mark frowned. "You can't protect her from everything. I know you want to, but you can't. And she's okay. That's what is important, right? Meredith is okay, and the baby. Doctor Davis made sure to explain to her that she needs to be more careful. I don't think it's anything you need to worry about." Realizing that he wasn't in a mood to really chat, Mark simply handed the food over to him before he walked away. "She wasn't really too big on the idea of eating, but I wasn't really taking no for an answer."

"Thanks," Even if his mind was on his wife and all that could still go wrong with her, especially considering that she'd become dehydrated so easily, he was there enough to thank the man who'd stepped in when he couldn't. He appreciated it. Even if it was difficult for him to admit, Derek did appreciate Mark's help. He'd needed Mark's help.

"Meredith," Derek was relieved to see her laying on one of the beds in the on-call room, setting her food down as he took a seat on the edge. Still not convinced that she was okay, he took a minute to look at her for himself, trying to decide if she had just put a brave face on for everyone else.

"Hey," Meredith smiled and looked over at him, one hand resting on her nearly flat stomach. "How was your surgery?" Even if she was still a little unsteady on her feet and had definitely been a little freaked out by the events just hours ago, she wasn't about to make him worry. Derek had enough on his mind, enough things going on, enough worry. She knew that. She knew that, and she wasn't going to add to his list any more than she already had.

"How are you feeling?" A smile spread across his face. Even if he was worried about her, and even if he could tell she wasn't fine, he was amused at how calm she pretended to be. "Sorry I wasn't here sooner. Patient is stable though."

"That's good," Meredith smiled, sitting up slowly so she could take a sip of the water he brought in for her. "Did Mark bring this to you? I told him I didn't think I could eat anything, but he insisted that soup was safe." She grabbed the bottle of water, avoiding his question.

"Mer..." The smile soon faded from Derek's face, and he sighed, taking her bowl of soup out of the brown bag. "I want you to tell me how you're feeling."

"I'm okay, Derek. Really. I'm okay. I was scared earlier...but I'm okay now. Just a little tired. " She screwed the cap back on the bottle of water after taking a few sips, hoping he would take her explanation at face value rather than continue to question her.

He still looked skeptical, and his disappointment over her brief explanation was obvious. "Meredith, I spent the last three hours in surgery, worrying about you. I want to know what happened. I want to know what doctor Davis said. We're talking about your health Mer, and the health of our baby."

Able to see straight through to his frustration and anger, she gave up on keeping any of the details from him. "Mark took me down to the emergency room, when I passed out...in the operating room." She sighed. "People are going to talk, Derek. People are going to talk about the McWife fainting in the middle of a surgery."

"Mer..." Derek reached over and ran his fingers through her hair, kissing her gently. "I told Mark, about the baby. After you passed out. I wanted to make sure that they paged doctor Davis, and that someone understood what was going on."

"In the middle of your surgery?!" Meredith frowned. "Derek..." She sighed and laid back down when the room began to suddenly spin, causing her to have the same feeling she'd had before she almost hit the floor in front of his entire operating room staff. "Now I'm the McWife who is pregnant and fainting in the middle of a surgery."

"I'm sorry, Mer. I really am. I needed to make sure that you and this baby were safe."

"People are going to be talking about the McBaby now." She groaned, closing her eyes.

"I want you resting. When we get home, you need to get some sleep. I'll talk to the chief about letting you taking a couple of days off."

"I don't need days off, Derek. I was dehydrated. Today. But that doesn't mean I'll be dehydrated tomorrow. I can still work."

"Meredith..."

"I don't want to be home all day, Derek."

"You need to eat something." He wasn't taking no for an answer. Despite her arguments against his wishes, Derek wasn't about to let something happen to his wife, not if it was something that could be avoided.

She shook her head, her eyes still closed as she rested there. Even if she didn't want to, she had to admit that despite the I.V. fluids that had been given to her, she was still weak on her feet and completely exhausted. The last thing she wanted was to eat something that was going to cause another episode of hugging the toilet. "The baby doesn't like it when I eat."

"Mer..."

"I can't, Derek. If I eat something I'm just going to throw it back up again, and I'm really tired of sitting on the bathroom floor while you hold my hair back for me. No offense."

"Just a little. You don't have to eat all of it, but you do have to eat some." He opened the top of the bowl, putting a little bit in the spoon to let it cool off. "Sit up. Just for a few minutes."

"I'm tired, Derek. Really tired."

"I know you are. But I'll help you." Derek knew he was probably coming across a little fatherly to her, but it was something that seemed unavoidable in their current circumstance. His wife was sick, again. Ten weeks into her pregnancy, she was sick. He was holding back fear, but barely. If something happened to this baby, they'd never be okay. That much he was certain of.

Meredith knew she wasn't going to win, and she sat up slowly, leaning against him a bit while she took a few bites of the soup. "That's all I can handle, Derek."

Able to tell that she was completely serious, he closed the top on the soup and carefully put it back in the bag, hoping she would be able to eat it later without being sick. "We're going home."

"Don't you need to finish your shift?"

"I'm taking you home, Meredith. The only other surgery I had today was an elective Mark wanted me to help with." He got up from where he'd been sitting, taking her hand to help her up just as the chief came through the door.

"Shepherd." He frowned, glancing a bit at Meredith before looking back at the neurosurgeon in front of him. "We've got a thirty-two..."

"I'm taking my wife home, Richard. Page someone else."

"You're scheduled to work in this hospital, Shepherd, so you're going to work. If Meredith is sick, she can sleep there, or someone else can drive her home."

"I'm taking my wife home." Derek ignored him, scooping Meredith up into his arms as soon as he noticed how unsteady she was on her feet.

"Shepherd." Richard Webber's voice held a warning tone. He'd heard all about Meredith Grey passing out in the operating room. It was her pregnancy that he was still in the dark about, even if most everyone else had been talking about it for hours.

"I'm taking my wife home, Richard!" Derek didn't bother lowering his voice. "She's pregnant and sick, and I'm not letting someone else keep an eye on her."

"Pregnant..." His surprise was clear on his face.

"I can walk, Derek."

"You can barely stand." He walked past the chief and out the door of the room, leaving him standing there with the same shocked look on his face.

"People are going to talk. If you carry me through this hospital, they're going to talk. I don't want people talking."

"Would you rather pass out again? Because that's what is going to happen, Meredith. If you don't start eating and taking better care of yourself, you're going to end up passing out and being admitted."

Realizing that he was no longer able to separate fear from anger and his anger for the chief from her, she gave up. She'd already been humiliated enough, and Meredith figured it couldn't get much worse. "Seriously," She mumbled, though she rested her head against his chest anyway, and closed her eyes.

"I'm calling Addison. When we get home, I'm calling her."

"You don't need to call Addison. Doctor Davis said I'd been fine."

"Doctor Davis has worked here two years, Meredith. She isn't exactly someone I trust with your life and the life of our baby. We've lost a baby already. Our son, is dead. I'm not taking chances this time."

She winced at the mention of Grayson, growing quiet as she thought back to how things were when she was first pregnant with him. They'd been happy, really happy. There hadn't been worry or fear. There was just joy. Despite Derek recovering from heart surgery, they'd been happy about the baby they'd been expecting. And now, things were different. This time things were destroyed from the start. Despite how desperately they wanted a baby, despite how badly she'd hoped she would become pregnant, they were scared. Every time something happened, every time she got sick, every time she was dizzy or had the smallest pain in her stomach, they worried that it meant they were going to suffer the same heartbreaking tragedy.

***** [break] *****

"What if Derek can't do it? I mean, what if he..what if something goes wrong?" Lexie wasn't comforted by Mark's arms around her. She wanted to be. She wanted to be comforted by her boyfriend's touch, but she wasn't. It just, it was too hard. It was too much. She'd had such a perfect pregnancy. Everything had been fine, or at least she'd thought it was fine. "I don't want our baby to die, Mark. I don't know what I'll do…what we'll do."

"Our baby isn't going to die, Lexie. She isn't. Derek is a good surgeon. The best. And Addison…you can trust her. She's the best too. You have two of the best surgeons in their fields operating on you." Mark's words were an effort to convince both of them. Even if he was strong and stoic on the outside, secretly he was falling apart. He was terrified, terrified of losing their little girl and terrified that something could happen to the woman he loved. "I don't want you to worry. Worrying is just going to cause more harm than good." He pointed out.

"I was so excited about buying a crib and picking out cute little pink outfits.." Lexie's voice was even softer than before, and she didn't attempt to fight back the tears that filled her eyes. "Now I can't even think about going shopping. I can't think about going shopping, Mark." Her eyes met his. "Because if I go shopping and something happens…I'll be like Meredith. I'll be like my sister. I'll have my whole life planned around this baby, and then…"

"Lexie.." Mark quickly turned her so he could look straight into her eyes, able to tell that she wasn't even really hearing what he was saying. "Stop. You have to stop this. What happened to Meredith was different. It was..." He sighed. "This baby is going to be fine. Do you understand? I know you're scared. We're both scared. But our baby is going to be okay. Addison and Derek are going to operate, and everything is going to work out."

"I'm so scared," Lexie let him hold her. She looked into his eyes, and let him hold her. Even if she wanted to pull away and fight about it, even if she wanted to continue to pour out her fear to him, she got quiet and let him hold her.

"I'm here with you. No matter what happens, Lex. I'm going to be right here." He whispered, rubbing her back gently as he held onto her. "We're going to walk through this together. And I know Meredith wants to be here for you too. So you aren't alone in this."

It was a side of Mark Sloan that didn't come often, and Lexie was grateful for it. She needed it every once in a while, especially with their current circumstances. "Alex said that something happened today, with Meredith. That he heard she was pregnant and that you had to take her to the emergency department?"

"She passed out in the middle of Derek's craniotomy. Turns out she was dehydrated, so I think she should be okay."

"So she is pregnant?" Lexie was hurt. She was hurt that she'd heard the news from Alex Karev instead of from her sister directly. She was hurt that Meredith hadn't confided in her. It was a good way to get her mind off of her own fear and pain though. Talking about Meredith and Derek was a good way to not focus on the tumor that was slowly killing her unborn daughter.

"Yeah. I don't think they were planning on telling anyone though, at least not right now. Derek sort of told me as I was carrying her out. I think just to make sure someone checked the baby out."

"And they're sure that everything is okay?"

"Doctor Davis came down from upstairs and took a look at her. She didn't seem concerned that it was anything more than the dehydration. So, yeah. Everything is okay. Derek ended up taking her home early though. Pissed Webber off. You should have heard him. He was ranting and raving the rest of the afternoon."

"Because of that patient that came in after the motor vehicle accident." Lexie pointed out. "Alex said that she was pretty bad off, that they paged Derek right away but he couldn't come. She ended up dying."

"She could have died whether he came or not." Mark pointed out. "She probably would have, no matter what."

"I know, but the chief probably didn't see it that way. I'm sure he'll understand though, when he finds out why he left. I mean, he loves Meredith. So I don't think he would want to put her in any danger, especially if he knew she was pregnant again."

"Which is why I say it was ridiculous for him to go around pouting the rest of the day. What he needs to do is hire a new neurosurgeon. If Shep is the only guy he can trust, he needs a new one. A back-up, for days like today. Because I don't think Derek is the same guy he used to be. He doesn't seem to love the job like he used to. He's a family man now. I think almost dying and losing his son then almost losing Meredith changed his priorities. It changed mine too." He admitted.

"You were always a family man," Lexie smiled, looking at him again. "You just didn't know it. It took me getting pregnant for you to figure that out."

"Yeah.." Mark laughed, not too sure if he agreed with her or not. He wasn't going to argue, though. He knew better than to cross her with the way things were going lately.

***** [break] *****

"What did the chief have to say?" Meredith looked over to Derek as he crawled into bed with her, smiling while she pulled the sheet up and snuggled next to him, her head resting on his chest.

Derek slid his arm around her, glad to at least see her with a little more energy, even if he knew she still needed rest and a little TLC if she was going to be back on her feet by the morning. "Well, he apologized."

"For being an…"

"I think he was just upset, Mer. Richard has a hard time trusting critical patients with people other than the surgeon's he is familiar with. That woman ended up dying, and I think he just wanted to see that she had the best care that she could get, especially after what's happened over the last couple of years."

"So now you're making excuses for him?"

"Not an excuse, but I think I just sort of caught him at a bad time."

"The two of you made up then."

"We made up." He kissed the top of her head, running her fingers over her belly. "I talked to him about your hours at work, and we both agree that you should really try and make sure you aren't working doubles, or overnights, and that you aren't scheduled more than a few days in a row."

"I don't need the two of you to baby-sit me."

"You need someone looking out for you, Meredith. Your intentions today were good, but it ended badly. I know you don't want to lose out on your residency, but I think it is worth you cutting back some to make sure you aren't pushing yourself too far."

"I would never do anything that would put this pregnancy in danger."

"You would never do something intentionally, but I think as surgeons, we get wrapped up in what we're doing, and I want to make sure that you're eating and drinking and resting."

"I know. I just hate this." Meredith sighed, closing her eyes as sheer exhaustion began to consume her. "I want this baby more than anything, but I hate that I can't just have a normal pregnancy."

"You have a normal pregnancy, Mer. It's your job that isn't normal."

There was no arguing with that. Meredith realized that what he was saying was true. Even if she didn't like it, she knew he was right. It wasn't about her this time. It wasn't that she wasn't okay or that she couldn't handle being pregnant, at least not yet. It was about the fact that most weeks she slept a total of less than twenty hours, that there were plenty of times when she'd be awake for more than twenty-four hours at a time. It was a demanding job on anyone, much less someone that was just six months out from a life-threatening accident and was pregnant. "Did you ever get in touch with Addison?"

"She told me the same thing that the chief told me. That you need to rest more. And she wanted you to know that if you're worried about it, she'll take a look at you when she comes in on Friday."

"Did she ever find a place to stay?"

"I think she said she was going to book a room in some extended stay hotel."

"She's going to stay in a hotel for two months?" Meredith looked unsure, scrunching up her face a bit. "Why don't we just offer to let her stay in the trailer?"

"The trailer?" His surprise was evident.

"Yeah. I mean, we're not using it. And if she's going to be here for that long..."

"Okay." Derek didn't see that much of a problem with it, despite how odd of an idea it seemed. "I'll call her."

"Okay." She stayed there, snuggled up with him. "Call her soon."

"You should get some sleep, Mer."

"We should both get some sleep."

"I could go for sleep," Derek smiled and reached over, turning the lamp off.

"No hovering tonight. When you hover, and stare, I can't sleep. It's creepy."

"I promise I won't be the creepy guy." He laughed, pulling her into his arms before he closed his eyes.


	3. Angry With the World

**Author's Note:**

**First things first...I have ALL the way up to chapter 16 edited, AND I wrote a BRAND NEW chapter 17. If you've been trying to get me to finish this story since it was first publish, you will probably know how big of a deal that is. Haha. So the good news is, this story is well on its way to being finished. **

**There was a review left for the last chapter regarding Addison. You're absolutely right. That was a part added int he original version, and it was needed for something in the plot, plus back then I wasn't a true Addison fan so I didn't pay much attention to her character. So yes, it was out of character for her. Sorry about that!**

**On to chapter three. I think you might be angry with me in the early part of this chapter. Or, maybe for the whole chapter. This chapter operates off the principle of what I would call a "trigger". If someone has had a traumatic event happened, those feelings and those memories are brought back by "triggers"…much like Owen's choking episode when he saw the fan in Cristina's room. So, please understand, that a certain character's actions come from that. That certain character isn't that kind of a person. I get that. But things can change people. And things can trigger people.**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Three**

"Are you sure you're okay to go to work?" Derek's skepticism was written all over his face, though he'd already resolved himself to lose that argument as he finished buttoning his shirt.

Meredith smiled, pulling her shirt on over her head. "I'm fine, Derek. Not great. A little sick to my stomach. But not puking, and not passing out. So I'm okay. And I'll be okay at work. If not, I'll go home. Or sleep…something."

"No exceptions, Meredith. I don't want a repeat of what happened yesterday."

"There isn't going to be a repeat. I'm going to take care of myself, Derek. I will. This baby is just as important to me as it is to you."

"I know." He sighed, hating that his desire to protect her was only making her become defensive. "I know, Mer. I'm just…nervous."

"We're both scared." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail just as his pager went off.

"We have to go. Motor vehicle accident." Derek glanced at her after looking down at it. "Or, I need to go. Do you want to meet me there?" He was already heading downstairs.

She followed him, shaking her head though there was no way for him to see as he walked in front of her. "Nope. I'm ready too." Her voice had a cheery tone to it, matching the smile on her face. "If the emergency department paged you 911, that means there's something good. And if there's something good, I want in on it."

"Are you even on my service today?" Despite the abrupt end to their conversation and the lack of closure he felt he had, Derek chuckled. He couldn't help his amusement at how eager she was to operate.

"Cristina is. I traded with Cristina. She's avoiding Hunt, or whatever. So we traded. She's with you. I'm with him. He wants to get married. And have babies."

"Cristina's babies?" Derek laughed, glancing back at her when they got to the back door. "Cristina? And Owen?" Again, he laughed, shaking his head. "It's a good thing you traded."

"She could marry." Meredith made a face. "Cristina could get married. And she could have babies." She followed him out to the car. "Little Cristina babies."

"Cristina can't have babies, Meredith. She doesn't even have…"

"She could do it." Meredith insisted.

"The little robot kind. The kind that grow up to be.."

"Cristina. And that's not so bad." She pointed out. "I mean, she did save your life. So maybe that isn't so bad."

"Point taken." He smiled and opened her car door for her before quickly getting in the driver's seat.

"Did Addison ever tell you why she changed her flight? I mean, did something happen to make her come four days early?" She hoped by changing the subject, she could avoid his hovering, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"I think the chief asked her to be here. Not really sure why. And she mentioned that she was ready to take a break from Los Angeles." Derek shrugged a bit. "But she's got a hotel room for the night. She's not going over to the trailer until tomorrow."

"Okay." Meredith wasn't sure that she quite understood the answer, but she didn't ask any more about it.

***** [break] *****

"Eat something, soon. When we get done assessing this patient, I want you to eat something." Derek glanced over to her when they pulled up at the hospital, wanting to be sure that she didn't let some fancy surgery to get in the way of remembering her promises to him.

"I'm going to eat, Derek. It's not even seven in the morning. I'll eat…" She almost rolled her eyes a bit as she followed him inside. "But if this is a good case, I want in on the surgery."

"I'm not your boss today." He reminded her. "If you want in on the surgery, you have to take that up with Hunt. And we don't even know there is a surgery. Since when did you get all…cut-happy?"

"I'm not.." She made a face. "But I have limited time now. I don't get to stay late…or for days, if something good comes in. You're babysitting me, remember?"

Derek sensed the frustration in her voice, and he glanced back at her. "I'm making sure you're okay, Meredith." Suddenly the gentle tone in his voice was gone, replaced by something that she was rarely on the receiving end of. "You almost died. Six months ago, I almost lost you. And we lost our son. You spent months before that under lock and key because you weren't so great, pregnant. So don't tell me I'm babysitting you. I'm doing what I have to do to keep you healthy, and to make sure this baby lives."

The harsh and firm tone he suddenly had with her caused her to frown, but there wasn't a chance for her to say anything.

"Twenty-eight year-old female. Thirty weeks pregnant. Drunk driver. She's got a pretty bad head injury." Owen Hunt looked over just before disappearing into a trauma room.

_Twenty-eight…thirty weeks pregnant. _Derek stood there for a minute, glancing over at his wife. _No. _His feet were frozen. _No. You can't. You can't go in there. The last one died. She died. Her baby died, and she died. And Meredith almost died. Grayson, he's dead too. _

"Derek?" She had moved. When Owen mentioned the patient, she'd moved. She'd been there, on that table, where that woman was, and she wanted to be a part of saving her life.

He glanced at her, briefly, before walking past her and to the patient's bedside. Instantly, he was checking her pupils. "Does she have family here?"

"A husband. In the waiting room." Owen could tell something was off, but he said nothing. There was nothing he could say, or, nothing he could say that was going to change how his friend felt about the woman there fighting for her life and for the life of her baby.

"Someone needs to let him know we're taking her up to surgery. We're taking her now. And page OB. They're going to need to be there." He was already moving. As he made quick and necessary decisions for that patient, he was wheeling her bed out of the room.

Meredith sort of just stood there, looking at him with a disapproving and unsure look on her face. He didn't seem okay. He'd snapped at her and barely looked at her and he was…he was just…shaky. Nervous. Agitated. "Doctor Hunt..."

"No." Derek stopped and glanced back at the two of them. "We're out of time already, and extra hands will just slow us down. So no, you can't scrub in."

"I'm not on your service today." Meredith reminded him, suddenly matching his tone. "I'm with doctor Hunt. And I've never been in on a surgery like this. So I want in."

"I said no, Meredith!"

Owen Hunt wasn't phased by the yelling. The last thing he wanted to do was piss Derek Shepherd off, but he opened his mouth anyway. "Go scrub in, Grey. It's something you should see. We won't get it very often. And I'll just take Cristina back for the day. She's supposed to be with me anyway."

Meredith shot Derek a look before following him onto the elevator. "You're treating me like I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong." When the doors shut, she started rambling.

"How dare you step on my toes in front of another attending." Derek's voice was empty, cold, and uncaring that she looked like she might actually cry. He was falling apart. Even if he was there, taking that woman up to the operating room, he was crumbling into pieces.

"You're being an ass." She stepped off the elevator, following him into the operating room.

***** [break] *****

"It looks like we've hit a bit of a problem, here." Addison glanced over at Mark and Lexie with obvious sympathy before pointing to the screen on the ultrasound machine. "Baby's tumor is growing, quickly."

"Ella."

The red-headed doctor offered a confused look.

"Ella…her name." Mark spoke up. "We're naming her Ella."

Addison smiled, nodding. "Ella's tumor is, unfortunately, growing much faster than I ever thought it would. If I'd known we were going to have such a rapid change, I would have made sure Derek was here today."

"So I'm not going to make it to twenty-six weeks." Lexie sounded defeated. "I'm not going to make it to twenty-six weeks before you operate."

"I'm afraid not. We need to do this by the end of the week."

"She'll be right at twenty-three weeks. The baby won't even be viable." Mark was already panicking. As much as he wanted to be strong for his girlfriend, he was panicking.

"We'll just have to make sure that she doesn't deliver." Addison's voice was softer, more calm than it had been before, in an effort to reassure them both, though she knew it was probably useless.

"But you said…" Tears were streaming down the expectant mother's face, and a protective hand moved to rest just above her belly. "You said the chances were high, of premature delivery. You said we should worry about that. You told us..."

"I know, Lexie." Addison sighed, putting the wand on the ultrasound machine down. "I know what I said, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I don't have better news for you. But at this point, I think our best chance at saving Ella's life is to do this surgery tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Mark repeated the unexpected word back as if hadn't heard her correctly.

"In less than a week, this tumor has grown as much as we expected it to in a month." Addison explained again, trying to be as gentle as she could be with the news that she knew was a shock to their systems. "I'm going to get in touch with Derek and make sure he clears his schedule for the morning."

"No," Lexie was shaking her head as she sat up, arm wrapped around her belly. "No. We can't. I can't. Because she could die. You said she could die. You said it wasn't safe. Twenty-three weeks, that's not safe. It's too early. It's too early, and she could die. She could die, and I don't want her to die. I don't want my baby to die."

"Lex..." Mark reached over and wiped her tears away. "We're going to make it through this." It was a desperate attempt to reassure both himself and the woman there next to him. "Tomorrow night, we're going to celebrate. You and me. We're going to celebrate Ella being tumor free. And then we'll buy a crib. You and I, we'll buy a crib. And we'll have a nursery and buy pink blankets and those tiny little pink socks, and…" His voice was breaking.

Knowing they needed some time, Addison got up just as her pager went off. "I'm going to go talk to Derek and make sure we're all on the same page here. Why don't you two take a few minutes and then just take the rest of the day off? I may want to admit you tonight, depending on what we decide to do and what Derek thinks. So sit tight. In the hospital, I mean. Just don't leave here." She was struggling to keep it together herself, even if it wasn't her baby that was in question. It was exhausting, though, and painful to watch her ex-husband lose his son and now to watch Mark go through something that could cost him the life of his daughter.

"…She's going to die." Lexie crumbled into his arms as soon as the door shut behind Addison "We just picked her name out, and now she's going to die."

Mark held her. He sat there and he held her, and he cried too. He was scared out of his mind, but he knew they couldn't just throw in the towel yet. There was still a chance this would work. Even if Addison had never had success with it before, there was still a chance. He wasn't willing to give up, even if he was a mess. "This baby is going to live, Lexie." Finally, he pulled himself together enough to offer some reassurance. "Our daughter, is going to live."

***** [break] *****

"What happened?" Addison was still tying her mask off as she walked into the operating room and over to the table, ending up across from Meredith who had a noticeably miserable look on her face. "You okay?"

The second question, the question aimed at his wife, was what got Derek's attention. For the first time since they'd been in the operating room, he took his eyes off his patient and let them wander to her. Had she been standing there sick for two hours without him knowing it? She looked fine, though. Physically, anyway. He could tell he'd upset her, but she didn't look like she was about to pass out or puke all over the floor.

"Fine." Meredith answered quickly. "Patient came in after a motor vehicle accident. Severe head trauma. Doctor Hunt didn't see any other major injuries. She's thirty weeks pregnant. Baby's been having some decels. We've paged OB a couple of times but they've apparently got a lot going on up there." She took over for what she knew was Derek's job, and enjoyed the satisfaction it gave her.

"This day just keeps getting better." Addison sighed, glancing at the monitor. She looked back through the print-outs of the last two hours, shaking her head. "What about trauma to the abdomen?"

"Don't know. Derek sort of brought her up here as soon as we walked in."

"She was bleeding into her brain. Figured it was important not to waste time."

"...Right." Addison frowned at his sarcasm. The tension between the two of them was something she hadn't seen before, and she instantly hated the incredible awkwardness it caused. "These are pretty severe, Derek. I mean, I think we're okay for the moment, but we may need to consider a c-section."

Derek thought back to the last patient he'd had on that table with her brain open and baby's heart rate dropping. She'd died. She'd died and his life had fallen apart. Meredith's ring had ended up connecting with a baseball bat. And he'd yelled at her. He'd yelled at her. Sighing, his eyes left his patient and to his wife again. He'd yelled at her, like he was yelling at her today. He hated himself for that. "No." Then it was over. He was surgery-focused again. "We're not cutting this woman open, Addison. Not this time. I'm not killing this woman."

"Derek…" She sighed, deciding to just let it go for the moment. "Where are we at? I mean, on your end?"

"She's had a lot of heart rate issues, so we've been slower than I thought we would be. I haven't had any unexpected complications though, so if we can just keep her going for another half hour or so, I should be able to finish up."

"We may not have half an hour." Meredith spoke up. She was starting to freak out. It had seemed like a good idea, at first, to be there for the surgery. But now she was ready to admit he was right. She couldn't handle it. She didn't want to be there to watch that woman die. It was too much. Way too much. And she was suddenly aware just how hungry she was, and how exhausted she was standing there with no place to sit, even for a second.

Derek could hear the change in her voice, and his worry was instant. "If you need to scrub out, doctor Shepherd, go ahead. I can handle things from here."

But she wasn't going to give up. She'd already been labeled as the pregnant McWife who fainted. She wasn't about to walk out on a surgery too. "I'm fine. I'm talking about her."

He knew better.

"Lets just...focus on trying to get them through this." Addison was watching the monitor, ready to step in if she needed to.

Derek took a step back, trying to gather his thoughts. And his emotions. He was determined to make this work. Even if the odds were stacked against this patient, he wasn't going to give another man the news that his wife and baby were gone. "Bleeder.." He cursed under his breath, eyes quickly turning back to the surgical field.

Meredith stepped closer to him, scared that he was going to fall apart. She pushed her own crap to the back of her mind, ignoring just how dizzy she was there in the same position for so long. Pregnancy for her just couldn't be easy. She'd figured that out by now. "Derek…"

"I need everyone to just shut up!"

"Derek…the baby's really not liking this," Addison frowned when he yelled, glancing at Meredith to make sure she was holding up okay.

"You're not doing this again, Addison, so forget it! I'm going to give that man out there good news, and in order for me to do that, the two of you are going to have to shut up!"

They backed off. Both of the women there, backed off. Even if they both had things to say, they didn't say them. They could be said later, when a woman's life wasn't in question, when Derek Shepherd wasn't in the process of having some sort of mental break-down.

Meredith forced tears back from her eyes. She'd never really been one to cry a lot. Not in front of people. Pregnancy changed that. Hormones changed that. And she was mad. She was mad, and she was hurt. He was standing there yelling at her, in front of everyone. He'd yelled at her all morning, and she had more than one thing to say to him. But she kept her mouth shut, unwilling to hash out their problems there in the middle of the operating room. She wasn't about to give the staff anything else to whisper about.

***** [break] *****

"Meredith…"

"I'm going to sleep, Derek." She pulled her scrub top off, tossing it onto the floor in the corner of their room before crawling into bed.

"Meredith…" Derek sighed and sat down next to her, running a hand through his hair. "I screwed up. I screwed up, and I'm sorry. I know I hurt you.."

"You were an ass, Derek. All because you refused to just say that you were scared, that Lucy Carter brought back memories that freaked out you. And you yelled at me. You yelled at me and treated me like I was some horrible person. People heard you yell at me, Derek. They heard you, and you didn't even care." Tears were sliding down her cheeks. Hormonal, pregnancy tears were making her look like a baby. She hated that.

"…I never meant to hurt you, Mer. You…" He laid down next to her, slowly pulling her into his arms when he saw her tears.

She pulled away. At first, she pulled away. "Don't.'

"Let me hold you." He whispered, relieved when she stopped fighting him. "I'm so sorry, Meredith." His voice was a soft whisper in her ear. "You deserve, so much more than what I gave you today. And I'm sorry."

"Is it going to be like this every time someone like that comes in? Because.."

"Lucy Carter lived. She lived, and she's stable. She's stable, and pregnant. I got to sit down and tell a man that his wife and baby were going to be okay. But that was this time. It isn't always that easy. Do you have any idea what it was like for me, Meredith, to tell a man his wife and baby had died?"

"Years ago." She pointed out.

"It changed me, Meredith." Derek gently ran his hand over her arm. "Do you have any idea what it was like for Owen to walk out the day you were in the accident and tell me that he didn't know if you were going to live? And Addison…she told me about our son. She sat with me…while I tried to figure out how to breathe. Because I couldn't. I couldn't breathe, Meredith. We'd lost Grayson, and I was losing you too. I was…"

"You're not the only one who lost something," She reminded him.

"I hurt you today, and I'm sorry. I am, Mer. I'm sorry. You mean…everything to me. And I just…I freaked out today."

"You should get some sleep." She mumbled. "You have Lexie's surgery tomorrow." It was weighing heavily on her. Knowing that her sister was going to be operated on, knowing she could end up losing her daughter in the morning was enough to send Meredith over the edge. She tried to stay strong, but as the hours went on, she only panicked more. Emotionally, she was starting to fall apart much like her husband, but she managed to hold it together a bit more than he did.

"I need to know, Mer, that you and I are okay."

Her eyes met his, and she took his hand, forcing a small smile to her lips. "We're okay."

He wiped the tears from her face. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd."

"I love you too." With his thumb brushing gently across her cheek, she finally allowed herself to relax there with him, to really forgive him for how he'd treated her. Life was just too short to stay mad over the little things. She knew that now. After everything they'd been through, she knew that.

"Lexie's surgery is going to be fine." Derek knew it was on her mind. He'd been able to hear it in her voice when she mentioned it, and he'd seen her earlier that day when Addison had given him the news that they couldn't wait any longer.

"You don't know that. You said it yourself, and so did Addison..it's a huge risk. She said it was too dangerous to do it this soon, and now…"

"Meredith, look at me.." Derek put a hand to her cheek, refusing to continue until his gaze met hers. "Miracles do happen. Sometimes, they do. And we're going to have one tomorrow. That surgery is going to be perfect, and Lexie's baby…"

"Ella. Lexie told me. Her name is Ella."

He smiled. "Ella is going to stay right where she is."

"…Lexie's scared."

"We're all scared. But we can do this. Addison and I, we can do this. I believe that."

"I hope you're right."


	4. Beautiful Day to Save Lives

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Four**

"Maybe I should scrub in with you. Just…in case." Meredith noticed right away the next morning that Derek was on edge. It was easy to spot. Rather than his usual casual routine, he was fidgety, jumpy, and a bit short with responses. She knew not to take anything he said to heart, but after the events the day before, she couldn't help but have it bother her a bit. After all, things were tense lately.

Derek gave her a look, almost seeming to be a bit amused though his response definitely didn't offer the same reading. "You need to stay with Mark, Mer. He's going to be a nervous wreck, and having you there in the operating room is only going to make me nervous. I have enough to think about without having to worry about whether or not you're okay."

"There's no reason I wouldn't be okay." Meredith's smile faded into a frown, and she watched him from where she sat at the kitchen table, taking a bite of her cereal.

"You're not scrubbing in, Meredith. That's the end of the discussion. This surgery is risky enough and it's going to be long and tedious. There isn't room for breaks, and I don't want something to happen to you."

"Is that what this is about? All of this?" Her unhappiness was written clearly across her face. "You're that worried about me? Worried, all the time, that something is going to happen? Because if that's what it is, it needs to stop. It has to stop, Derek. It's killing us. You…worrying about me all the time…it's not helping."

"Do you think that I don't know that?!" He sighed as he slammed the refrigerator door shut, opening his bottle of water. "I want to be able to just wake up in the morning and kiss you, Mer, and feel like it's going to be okay. I want to be able to wake up and talk to you about how exciting it is to be expecting this baby. But I can't. I just…after everything that happened. After everything that is happening this time…I just can't do it. I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out, for the next car crash.."

Even if she had been begging him to open up to her for quite some time, Derek's honesty caught Meredith off-guard, and she sat there silently for a few minutes as she tried to collect her thoughts. The last thing she wanted was to say something that would just make things worse. "I'm taking really good care of myself, Derek. I know what I should and shouldn't do. I know how often I have to eat. I realize how much time I need off my feet. My shifts are semi-normal hours, I don't work on-call, and I sleep at night. I'm hypersensitive about the slightest pain and discomfort, and I'm being closely followed by an excellent doctor. I know that things were really different with my last pregnancy and that we've had some scares this time, but that doesn't mean that history has to repeat itself. I'm going to be okay. I'm so happy about having this baby…and I just want to share that with you."

"I know, Meredith." The same sigh from before was back again. "I know." He was next to her, there at the table, in seconds. "Things will be better after this surgery. I'll be better, after today. When I know that this mess with Lexie and the baby are over. I just need this…I need some good news. We could all use some good news."

She was definitely skeptical that a good surgical outcome for her sister would change Derek's outlook on her pregnancy, but it just wasn't the right time to push the subject. She knew that, and she knew better than to try. "You're going to be great." The subject change and sudden smile on her face was abrupt, but Meredith was good at making it seem genuine. "We should get going though, before we end up being late. I'm surprised Lexie hasn't already called here. She said she was going to call when she woke up this morning."

"She's probably busy with surgical prep." Derek pointed out. "But you'll have some time to see her before she goes back." He assured her, grateful that she was no longer demanding to talk about just how screwed up he'd been acting lately.

"Only if we leave now. We're already running behind." Meredith got up, laughing a bit as he took her bowl from the table before she had a chance to rinse it off herself. "I can do things for myself, you know."

"It's a favor, Mer." Derek reminded her, gently. "Let me do something nice for you."

"Something like put my bowl in the dishwasher." She teased.

"It's a start." He smiled and grabbed his lab coat before heading out the door with her.

***** [break] *****

"If the tumor is wrapped around something unexpected, what happens then? I mean, what if you find out that it's.."

"Lexie," Addison didn't let her finish her question. "Derek and I are going to do everything we can to make sure that both you and Ella have a good outcome. Right now, your job is to relax. If you're stressed, then baby is stressed. I don't want you delivering early, so we all need to do what we can to keep things relatively calm." She warned her gently, despite how concerned she truly was about the situation. Addison knew that there was a high chance that things wouldn't be okay, that this surgery would be far from a success. She knew that Lexie and Mark's baby could be left with permanent disabilities, or that she could die. It wasn't the right time though, to discuss those things again. She knew that. For now, the important thing was keeping her patient calm. The consents were signed and the clock was ticking.

"Telling me you're going to do everything you can doesn't make me feel any better about this." Lexie was barely holding herself together, and she was grateful for Mark's hand when he saw her tears.

"It's going to be okay, Lex. We're going to get through this." Despite being scared out of his mind that their lives were about to fall apart, he kept a brave smile on his face as he held the hand of his girlfriend, trying to reassure her.

Addison smiled a bit and stood from where she'd been sitting on a stool at the bedside. "I'm going to give you guys a few minutes alone before we head back to the O.R.."

Mark turned to Lexie when the door shut behind the red-headed doctor. "Ella is going to be okay, Lexie. You have the best of the best doing this surgery."

"That doesn't mean she will be okay." Her voice was soft, overshadowed by the tears that slid down her cheeks.

"Our daughter is going to be okay, and so are you." Mark gently wiped the tears from her cheeks, leaning over so he was looking into her eyes as he held onto her hand. "I love you, Lexie."

For whatever reason, despite the fact that nothing had seemed to soothe her fears before, Mark's declaration of his feelings for her somehow calmed her a bit, and Lexie managed a small smile. "I love you too." She said quietly.

"When this is all over..." Mark hesitated, suddenly looking a bit nervous. "When you and the baby are safe, and you're home, and things are back to normal..."

His hesitation caused her smile to fade, "Mark?" Lexie began to panic again, wondering if somehow he was changing his mind about her, about building a life with her. It didn't make any sense, and it was irrational thinking, but for a woman who was terrified that she was about to lose her unborn baby, it didn't seem so crazy.

"Derek's always had what I wanted, Lex. I may have been…McSteamy….but…"

She couldn't help but laugh a little at how silly he sounded, at how incredibly fidgety her boyfriend seemed, even if she was still entertaining thoughts in the back of her mind that maybe he was leaving. Hormones and fear were causing her emotions to run crazy, changing from one second to the next. "McSteamy?"

"The point is..." Mark's nervousness turned to frustration, and he looked away for a second to gather his thoughts before letting his eyes fall on her gaze again. "I want to marry you, Lexie. I want us to be a family. You, me, baby Ella"

"…Are you proposing? Because I don't think this is…"

"I wanted to do it right, Lex…but…I don't want you having this surgery without knowing how I feel, without knowing that I really am ready to take that next step."

Suddenly, the laughter was back, only this time it came from deep within her belly, causing her cheeks to turn red as she gasped for air.

He just sort of sat there and looked at her with a semi-tilted head and a bit of an annoyed smirk. "You think this is funny? That I'm asking you to be my wife?"

"I think that it's the funniest proposal I've ever heard." She finally managed to put a sentence together when she could breathe again.

"Lexie…" Mark drew in a deep breath, knowing he owed it to her to at least do a halfway decent job, even if she was laughing and he was fighting doing the same thing. There was a smile on his face. "Will you marry me?"

"…I can't."

Her words hit him hard, like a punch to the gut. Had she really turned him down?

"I can't." She explained herself before he could get the wrong idea. "I can't agree to marry you until this is over, until we know how things are going to turn out with Ella. Because if something happens, Mark…"

"It's okay…" It wasn't, really. It really wasn't okay. It wasn't okay that she was refusing to marry him, that she'd said no, even if she was implying that her answer would change if the surgery went well. Didn't she understand that his proposal wasn't based on their daughter? He was proposing because he was in love with her, because he was ready to step up and finally have some responsibility, finally do the right thing. Mark wanted to argue. He wanted to tell her how he felt, to share with her his reasons for asking. Instead, he kept his mouth shut. It wasn't the right time, even if he wanted it to be.

It was Lexie that broke the silence though. Despite her answer, despite telling him no, she spoke up after a few minutes of listening to the clock tick. "If this surgery goes well, if the baby lives…" Her voice wavered. "I'll marry you."

He was surprised at her change of heart, and simply looked at her for a moment before he said anything. "This proposal is because I love you, Lex, not because I think I have to be different for the baby."

"I know. And I want to marry you. Just, not if…"

"This baby will be okay." He smiled. "So you better start figuring out whether you like a spring or fall wedding better."

***** [break] *****

"Derek," Addison was relieved to see her ex-husband walking toward her that morning, even if he was running a few minutes late. The important thing, in her mind, was that he was there and he looked like he was all in one piece. There was no evidence of the crazy man from the day before, and she just hoped that he really was going to be able to hold it together. He'd changed. She had to admit that. He wasn't the same man that she'd married, or even the same man he'd been when she came to Seattle looking for him. No. Derek Shepherd was a changed man. Parts of it, she figured, were good. But there was a side of him now that scared her, a side that was more unpredictable than ever before. The most she could hope for was that he would somehow even out once his baby was born and he realized that he was going to get his chance at being happy. Until then, she had already come to realize that it would be nothing but a roller coaster ride, and she just hoped Meredith was strong enough to make it through.

"Sorry I'm late. Meredith was up all night sick, and we sort of both slept through the alarm…and had an actual breakfast. Cereal. Not just something we grabbed on the way out the door." He was ready to scrub in. Even if he'd walked through the doors of Seattle Grace just minutes before and was scared out of his mind that the surgery they were starting wasn't going to work, he was ready. Derek Shepherd knew that there was no use putting it off. Lexie couldn't wait any longer, and he knew that time would just give him a chance to think of all the complications and all of the possibilities that weren't so good. "I'm ready though, as soon as we get her prepped."

"She's had her epidural, so we can go ahead and bring her up to the operating room as long as you don't want to discuss anything with her first."

"I did a lot of that yesterday, and I can still talk with her during the surgery if there's anything that I feel like she needs to be aware of." He had a smile on his face, hiding his nervousness, hiding the fact that he and his wife had no doubt hit a rough patch just days into their marriage.

"I'll go let them know, and send Mark out to the waiting room." It suddenly occurred to Addison that Meredith Grey was nowhere to be seen, and a confused look clouded her face. "Where's Meredith? I thought she said she wanted to be there for this."

"She's going to sit with Mark in the waiting room. I told her that I thought the surgery was too long for her to scrub in on, especially after how sick she's been."

Addison simply nodded. There were things she wanted to say, so many things, but no words came. If he kept parenting and babying his wife, he would regret it. She'd seen it with patients, all the time. But that could be discussed later. Instead, she simply walked into Lexie's room, letting both she and Mark know that they were ready for her.

Derek met them in the operating room. By the time they had her settled on the table, he was relaxed. Even if he knew they were entering into something that hadn't been done many times before, he was suddenly a little less crazy about it, and was able to smile at Lexie while Addison made the first incision for the partial c-section. "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

Lexie smiled, reassured by his calm voice and easy-going smile. She was a nervous wreck, but there was something about her sister's husband and his calm demeanor that kept her from freaking out. Still, it was strange, to lay there on that table knowing they were delivering her baby to remove a tumor, and no amount of deep breaths kept her hands from shaking.

"How are you doing, Lexie?" Addison glanced back at the blue drape separating her face from them.

"I'm okay."

Addison wasn't convinced, but she didn't push her on it. "Just keep breathing for me. We're working on getting baby Ella out now, and then Derek's going to step in and we'll figure out how to get rid of this tumor. Are you having any pain at all?"

"No pain." Lexie assured her, closing her eyes in an attempt to relax and forget about what was going on around her. "A little pressure, but no pain."

"Pressure is normal." She turned her attention back to the table.

It was just a matter of time before Derek stepped in, frowning when he saw the task ahead of them. "Did we know about this when we did the last scan?" He pointed to a piece of the tumor that suddenly seemed as if it was much more complex than they'd ever expected.

"I hadn't noticed it," Addison's voice was a whisper, but her patient heard her anyway. Panic set in.

"What's wrong?" Lexie's breathing was no longer slow. She was no longer calm. Instead, she was hyperventilating, fighting against the ties that were there to keep her arms still. "What's wrong with her?!" Thoughts of her sister came creeping back to her. Thoughts of Derek and Meredith, after they had lost Grayson were suddenly fresh in her mind. She didn't want that. She didn't want to be the woman who lost a baby, the mother who buried her daughter. It had almost killed Meredith, and Meredith was strong. She was much stronger. So she knew, Lexie knew that if she and Mark lost their daughter, it would destroy them.

"We're just seeing something that we didn't see before." Derek tried to calm her down again, stepping away from the table enough to see her face. "Everything's still okay. We can still do this, but only if you take some deep breaths for us. If your heart rate increases, the baby is going to become distressed, and we'll have to close up without finishing."

His voice was calm, gentle, sympathetic even, but it didn't matter. She was still scared, still struggling to breathe.

"We need to give her something." Addison frowned. "I wanted to avoid that so we wouldn't make baby too sleepy, but I don't think we really have a choice at this point." Her glance at the anesthesiologist told him all he needed to know. If they didn't get Lexie's vitals back to an acceptable level, they were going to lose the baby, and that was something Addison Montgomery wasn't ready to face.

Seconds seemed like years, but Derek breathed a sigh of relief when the drugs finally kicked in and their patient fell into a drug-induced relaxation. She wasn't asleep, by any means, but it was enough to keep her still, calm, and quiet, which is all they needed to be able to assess how on earth they were going to remove the tumor that had wrapped itself around the base of the baby's spine. "I didn't realize we were dealing with something that had started so far beneath the surface. These are usually very superficial, from the research I've done."

"I've never seen one this bad before." Addison admitted. "Even the term babies that I operated on had less mass than this…" She sighed, sort of just taking a few minutes to assess the situation. Finally, she placed her trust in the man she'd once been married to. "Do you think you can get it all out?"

Emotions were running high across the room, and Derek was already struggling to force memories from past surgeries and from the day Meredith had almost died to the back of his mind, but he managed to remain in control and to step up to the plate considering there wasn't really another choice. "I can get it out." He stated, simply. "The question is, whether or not this baby will suffer neurological damage. I would say based just on what I'm seeing so far, that it's unlikely she'll get out of this with no long-term effects."

"…I think as long as they have their daughter alive, that's a start." Addison admitted. "Mark talked to me a lot about his expectations. I know Lexie's been dead set on making sure the baby is perfect and normal with no deficits, but I think Mark already understands that it is highly unlikely we'll be able to give them that outcome."

"I'm not giving up on that, Addison." Derek assured her. "I'm just letting you know up front that I'm worried about our end result here here. But we're not going to give up on this baby. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we have the best outcome we can."

***** [break] *****

Mark was silent as he sat out in the waiting room hours later. He'd paced. For a while, he'd paced the floor, worrying about his girlfriend..or…semi-fiance, and unborn daughter. Even with Meredith there with him, he'd paced and worried that things would go wrong. There'd been no update, not even to let him know that both of his girls were still alive.

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat? I could go down to the cafeteria." Meredith was doing her best to be the supportive friend, despite how difficult she found the role. She worried almost as much as he did. The only difference was that she didn't show it. Meredith kept her feelings and her fear bottled up inside and she watched the seconds tick by on the clock, wondering if her husband was going to be able to save the life of an innocent, unborn baby. She found her thoughts drifting to her marriage as well, wondering if things were ever going to be the way they had been before she'd found out she was pregnant. More than anything, Meredith just wanted her husband back. She wanted her McDreamy back.

"I'm okay. But if you're hungry, you're welcome to go. I'll be okay here, and I'll have them page you if I hear anything."

"I was offering for you." Meredith pointed out. "I had my Snickers bar." She smiled when she saw the hint of a smile on his face, glad she'd been able to cheer him up, even if it was just for a moment.

"If Shepherd comes out here and you haven't had anything more than a candy bar all day, it's going to be m…"

"He's too busy fixing your baby to worry about what I'm eating." Meredith interrupted him, hoping that she was right even though she was sure there was definite validity to Mark's statement.

There wasn't time to argue the point though. Derek walked out before either one of them could say anything else, still pulling his scrub cap off of his head.

"How is she?" Mark got up immediately, fear rushing back to him as he came face to face with his friend. "How's the baby?"

Derek caught Meredith's gaze for a second and smiled before he turned his attention to the scared man in front of him. "Lexie and the baby are both okay. I managed to get all of the tumor and close the skin there nicely. Addison's with Lexie just to monitor her, but so far so good. She hasn't showed any signs of contracting."

A look of obvious relief washed over Mark, and he couldn't help the tears that soon clouded his vision. "Thank you."

Derek was hugging him before he even really had a chance to think about it, but Meredith soon rescued him as she wrapped one arm around his side and smiled up at him. "Good news." She said softly.

He smiled and kissed her, briefly. "Good news." He agreed.

"What about neurological status of the baby? I mean, was the tumor what you guys were expecting?"

"It was a little more complicated than either of us originally thought." Derek admitted. "And I don't think there's any way for us to know right now how the baby will do once she is born. It was a complex removal, Mark. I don't want to give you any false hope that the baby won't have any effects from this."

"You saved my daughter's life." Mark's voice was almost as soft as Meredith's as he tried to take in all that had happened and the news he was receiving. More than anything, he wanted to hear that his daughter was going to be okay, but for now it was enough that she was alive. They would have to take one day at a time, cross each bridge when they came to it.

"She's out of recovery, so you can see her. Just, take it easy for the next day or so. The more you can keep her relaxed and calm, the better chance she has of staying pregnant." Derek was relieved that Mark seemed okay with the news, and even more relieved that he'd played a part in saving the life of his friend's daughter.

"Mark was a nervous wreck." Meredith opened up to her husband as soon as they were alone. "You should have seen him…he paced…sat…paced…sat. I couldn't even get him to eat a Snickers bar." She grinned, looking up at him.

"We saved a baby's life today." Derek put a hand to her cheek, gently brushing her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, about the way I've treated you lately, Mer."

"You saved a baby's life." She pointed out, resting one hand on his chest. "I think we should take the rest of the day to relax. You don't have any other surgeries scheduled, and I'm off. Is Addison staying with Lexie?" She was exhausted. Even if she'd been sitting there in those chairs all day, Meredith was exhausted, and really just wanted to be at home where she could sleep in her bed if she wanted.

"Her plan is to leave here late tonight. I think she wants to be close just in case something changes."

"Then you should be okay leaving. And we could catch up on sleep…maybe do some stuff around the house. We still need to work on the guest bedroom. It's been half painted for a month now."

"Might not be a bad idea." He smiled and kissed her before taking her hand. "I guess Addison can page if she needs anything."

"You're just the neurosurgeon." Meredith grinned, teasing. "She's the baby doctor. So I'm sure she has it under control." Even if they weren't saying much about the success of the surgery, her excitement and joy showed in her eyes. It showed in her smile, it was audible in her tone of voice. Meredith Grey, for the first time in a long time, felt like there was hope.

Derek was right there with her. After being down for so long, after such a long time being convinced that nothing was going to go right for them, he and Addison had managed to save the life of a baby who just years before would have had a death sentence. He had managed to remove a spinal tumor from a 22 week-old fetus that had almost died before she'd been able to take her first breath. It was a lot to take in, more than he was aware it would be, but Derek Shepherd was thrilled. For the first time in a long time he felt happy. He felt like things were going to be okay. Most importantly, he felt like it was okay to love his wife and to be excited about the baby they were expecting, about the baby they both wanted. "We should go out to lunch…dinner… first."

"Or order in. And I think this is considered linner."

"Or order in." Derek laughed, knowing that's what she wanted. "Whatever makes you happy, Mer." He held onto her hand as they headed to the elevator. "And just for the record, I'm not sure that linner is an actual word."

"It's the meal between lunch and dinner." Meredith argued. "It's what people eat right about now."

"Okay then." He couldn't help but keep laughing, letting go of her hand and sliding his arm around her waist.

"What are we going to do, if we have a baby girl, like Lexie and Mark?"

"What do you mean?" Derek was confused at first, stepping onto the elevator with her. He pushed the button for the first floor, glad to be headed home. Even though he'd only been in one surgery, the day had been long, and tedious. It had been worth it though, but he was still glad to have a chance to spend some time with his wife.

"Baby girls can't sleep in Yankee rooms." She pointed out.

For a moment, there was silence. Derek cringed a bit, and he let her step off of the elevator first before following her to the car. Finally, he figured out the appropriate thing to say. "We'll have to decorate a new nursery. If the baby is a girl, we'll do a new room."

"But what about Grayson's room?"

"I don't know, Mer…" Derek could tell the thought of tearing it all down upset her, so he spoke gently, turning to her after opening the car door for her. "We'll do whatever you feel like you need to do. If you need to keep that nursery the way it is, we won't touch it. We can use the other spare room. But if you want, we can just redo the one we have. I don't want you to think I'm going to force you into something."

"I just don't know if..."

"We have a long time, before we have to make a decision. And who knows, maybe this baby will be a boy." His hand was resting on her belly while he kissed her. "My goal, Mer, is to have you happy. So we'll do whatever makes you most happy."

"…This is what makes me happy." Meredith said softly.

Derek knew, without her saying, what she was referring to. He knew that she appreciated the man he was, that she appreciated having the old Derek back. He carefully closed her door and went around on the driver's side. He was glad too. He was glad to be back. It felt good, to be in love again, to have joy again. It felt good to look forward to their future together, their future with the baby she was carrying.

**Don't forget to review!**


	5. Calm Before the Storm

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Five**

"Meredith."

She could hear the concern in his voice. Even from where she was situated on their bathroom floor, staring into what should have been a white shiny basin, she could tell he was worried. She would have to clean that. The toilet. It really needed to be cleaned. Maybe it was the five times she had vomited since they'd been home, or maybe it had been filthy for a while, which was gross. Either way, she needed to take care of that. Otherwise they were going to get sick. There were germs there, in the toilet. And they would get sick. Or, Derek would notice. Derek would notice and he would think she was a bad wife, or an unfit mother. Or something. Because she couldn't keep the toilet clean.

"Meredith."

"I'm fine."

"You're throwing up. You've been throwing up, for hours now."

His hand on her back was nice. She appreciated it, even if it didn't really ease much of the nausea, and even if it didn't change how she felt. She felt bad, really bad. But at least the baby had given her the morning to be normal, to be a normal person without getting sick. "Yeah."

"Do you think you could come to bed?" He slid down the wall so he was sitting next to her, there on the bathroom tile. There was no noticing the state of the toilet, not for him. Derek Shepherd had his eyes on his wife, his attention focused completely on the woman he loved. How long ago she'd pulled cleaner out from under the sink and scrubbed didn't really matter to him. What mattered to Derek was that she was okay, that he was doing everything he could to make sure Meredith was alright.

He was charming, really. Even when she was sitting there on their bathroom floor puking her guts up, her husband was charming, and sweet. She'd been just about to respond to him when her stomach suddenly turned inside out again. More vomit. She groaned as she leaned back over the toilet bowl. More dirt. Now she really needed to clean. "Something I ate," She mumbled when her stomach finally settled again. "I think I'm done."

"Maybe." Derek ran his hand gently over her back for a moment before scooping her up into his arms. "You're going straight to bed." He wasn't giving her any choice, glad that she didn't protest.

"What did Addison say?" She knew he was right. Even if she wanted to argue with him and insist that she was fine. Meredith knew her husband was right. She needed to be in bed, to get some rest, before she ended up back in the emergency room.

Before he could answer her question, that pesky cough was back. It had never really gone away. In fact, over the last few days it only seemed to have gotten worse. Still, Derek wasn't really one to be bothered unless he was really sick, so he didn't put much thought into that or the low-grade fever he was starting to develop. "Everything's fine," He said when he finally stopped coughing. She's coming by here in a few hours before she heads to the trailer." He avoided answering her question, not because he really cared to keep it from her, but because he knew upsetting her would only cause her to worry. Derek didn't want to pile stress on top of his pregnant wife. Even if she insisted it was a direct result of their take-out meal, he wasn't so sure.

"Derek..." Meredith sighed as he laid her down on the bed, glancing over at him when he sat down next to her. "You should have someone take a look at you. If you're going to be operating and working...you need to make sure you aren't sick." She knew there wasn't much chance of him listening to her.

"I'm not sick, Mer. The weather is crazy. It's just a cough."

"You feel kind of warm." She argued.

"Not sick...I promise." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

There was no use in arguing with him, and for the time being, Meredith simply gave up. "What did Addison say?"

"She said that Lexie was having some contractions, but that they were irregular so she wasn't too worried at this point. Both she and the baby are stable, Mer. If anything changes, you'll be the first to know." He had no choice. When she pressed for an answer, Derek know he had no choice. She wasn't the type to give up, and he knew despite his worry for her that she deserved to know the truth.

"Contractions." Meredith sighed, glancing at the clock. "It's only been five hours since the surgery, and she's already having contractions."

"Meredith..." Derek reached over and ran his hand over her hair, giving her a soft smile. He looked at her the way he always had, the way that left her knowing just how much he really did love her. "A few contractions aren't anything you should be worried about. If Addison was worried, she would have told me. Lexie's pretty far along in her pregnancy, so irregular contractions can be quite normal. Right now you need to be worried about you. What can I get you?"

He wasn't going to take her answer of nothing. She knew that. Meredith knew Derek well enough to know that he wasn't going to stop until she let him help her. Even if it did seem like he needed a nurse just as much as she did, she decided to just give him what he wanted. "Maybe some water. Or some Sprite." Her suggestion was quiet, and she shut her eyes only to open them again when his hand rested on her cheek. Her mind was on her sister, but she did give him a small smile

"I'll be right back." After brushing a soft kiss across her lips, he stood and headed downstairs. He was thinking about his wife. Despite the surgery he'd been a part of earlier that day, Derek was thinking about the woman he loved, about what he needed to do to make sure she stayed protected.

********** [break] **********

"I was thinking...we should buy a house."

"Mark..."

"If we're going to get married and raise this baby Lex, we need to buy a house. Something that can be ours. We need to buy a house so we can have a nursery and paint the walls...pink."

"Mark..." Lexie sighed though she couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her lips. "We..."

"You said you would marry me, and I'm going to hold you to that."

"If the baby..."

"The baby isn't going anywhere, Lexie. This baby..." Mark smiled and laid his hand on her belly. "Ella's not going anywhere. She may be causing a little trouble, but she's going to be just fine. And so are you."

"I can't. I can't believe that. Can't stop worrying. I can't stop worrying about her. I want to be like you, Mark. I want to believe that it's going to be alright, but I can't. I had surgery, and now I'm having contractions, and.." Her talking ceased in an instant as she drew in a breath as a response to the new pain in her lower abdomen.

"Breathe, Lex. Breathe." Mark frowned and took her hand, gently brushing his thumb over her skin.

"I wonder if this is how Meredith felt, when she was going into premature labor...when she almost lost..."

"Lexie..." Mark was losing patience. He was losing patience, and he was losing the ability to be the strong one. His friend was that type. Derek was the charming, strong, patient, sweet guy. He was the guy that picked up girls at the bar, slept with them, flirted the next day, then went to work while they gathered up their things and left. He wasn't the type of guy that fell in love, or got married, or had babies. He had a baby, or a daughter rather. He had a daughter, but he hadn't really been the daddy type. Truth be known, he wasn't really sure if he was cut out for it. The only thing he was sure of was that he wanted to try, even if things weren't quite right. But it was starting to get to him. The tumor, the surgery, the contractions, the uphill battle he was sure they faced. It was all starting to take its toll on the man who's hardest decision had previously been what type of drink he wanted. "You're not losing this baby. I know things are bad right now, but Addison is keeping an eye on you. If she was worried, she'd be in here. She'd have you on some type of medication to slow things down. But you have to calm down, okay?"

"I'm trying..." Lexie knew he wasn't the best at situations like theirs. She knew he wasn't really a typical family man. She also knew, though, that Mark had great potential. She knew despite what other people might think about him, that he was a good guy. And she knew he loved her, and that he really did want a chance to marry her and raise their daughter together.

"Get some sleep," It was an order. Not a harsh one, but an order. Mark wanted to make sure she wasn't making a bad situation worse. Plus he looked forward to having a moment to talk to Addison out of earshot of Lexie. He had questions, questions that he didn't want to ask in front of her, questions that he didn't want her to hear. If they were going to get bad news, he wanted to be the one to tell her.

"Don't leave." Lexie was holding onto his hand, closing her eyes when the last of the contraction left, leaving the tightening sensation in her belly gone. There was still pain though. She'd been sliced open and cut into, so there was definitely pain. It was something she tried to ignore, something she tried to push to the back of her mind. Even if she complained, she knew she wouldn't get what she felt like she needed. She knew she couldn't have the narcotic pain relievers that she so desperately wanted.

"I'm not going anywhere." Mark knew she was hurting. He could see it in her eyes, and hear it in her voice, but he didn't make any mention of it. He figured if she wanted to talk about it, she would, that if it got bad enough she would ask for something. Mark tried, but he wasn't quite as sensitive as Derek was. He hadn't quite learned the art of reading Lexie's mind, of always connecting with her like he should. "I love you, Lexie." He was scared. Even if Mark wouldn't admit it, he was scared out of his mind that what he was telling her wasn't true, that things really weren't going to be alright. He was scared that she would have their baby too early, that they would suffer the same loss that he'd caused his best friend.

"I love you too, Mark." With the quiet in the room and her eyes closed, she was asleep in just a matter of minutes, leaving him able to go find the red-headed doctor that held the answers to what was ahead for their family.

"Addison," It was easy to spot her in the hallway just outside the room where Lexie was sleeping.

The fear in his voice was what caused the normally casual and laid-back doctor to quickly turn her attention to him, leaving the chart she was working on behind. It could wait. It would have to wait. She didn't have a chance to even question what was wrong. Mark filled in the blanks for her.

"I need to know everything. How the baby is, how the surgery actually went, whether or not you really are concerned about these contractions. Lexie's freaking out, and I keep sitting there lying to her."

"The tumor was removed completely." Addison started with something easy, even if she was repeating information he already knew. She grabbed two chairs, pulling them over so they could both sit down. "Derek is concerned about the amount of dissection that was needed. The tumor was a lot more complex than he thought going in." She made sure to explain things slowly, knowing he was already overwhelmed.

"So we're going to run into problems later." Mark concluded quietly, unable to meet her eyes. He sort of just looked down at the floor, trying to soak it all in.

"We don't know that." Addison sighed, reaching over and putting her hand on his. "I know this is hard, Mark. I know it's scary. But we'll all work through this together. I'll be here when the baby comes, and I'll be here to assess what her needs are at that time. Right now I think Lexie's contractions are pretty mild and irregular, so I 'm not too concerned about that. She's gone through surgery, so it's expected that her body would have a reaction. If they were to increase or intensify, then I would say we have cause for concern."

For the time being, his fears about premature labor were laid to rest, and Mark was grateful that he was able to bury at least some of the worry and concern that was weighing heavily on him. "What are the risks, Addison? I mean, with the baby. What are we actually facing at this point?"

"Mark..." She frowned, leaning back on her chair. "Derek's concern is that the baby could have some significant neurological deficits. There's no way for us to know what those might be."

"What are our odds?"

"I think he's looking at about a fifty-fifty shot," She answered honestly despite how difficult the news was to deliver, especially to someone she cared about, someone she was close to.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to tell Lexie that." Mark said quietly, finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"Lexie's stronger than you think, Mark. She's been through a lot, dealt with a lot. She's not going to break like you think she is. It's going to be a tough few months, but I really think the two of you can do this."

"We don't have a choice." He reminded both himself and her.

********** [break] **********

"Cristina..." Derek's surprise when he saw his wife's friend on their doorstep was obvious.

She stood there, taking a step toward the open door when she saw him. "I need to see Meredith."

"She's resting." His body quickly stepped in front of her, and he closed the door slightly behind him. Before the death of Grayson, before their marriage, before this pregnancy, things were different. When it came to Cristina, things were very different. He had accepted the fact that both she and the woman he loved were a packaged deal, and he'd been willing to let her into their lives at the drop of a hat. Either that or he'd been unwilling to deal with the consequences of saying no. Despite the reason, though, things were different. Derek was no longer willing to let her drop in when she wanted, he was no longer willing to let someone else stand in the middle of his relationship with Meredith, not even if it was Cristina Yang. He would protect his wife, his marriage, and his family at all cost, even if it meant facing controversy.

"I need to see her." Cristina frowned when he blocked her way in, definitely taken back by how forward he was.

"Meredith's been sick, Cristina. For hours now. She's been sick all day, and she's finally asleep. I can tell her you came by."

"Morning sickness..." She glared at him. "You're asking me to go away and let her sleep because she has morning sickness?" Cristina didn't care what Derek wanted. She never really had. Meredith was her person, whether she was married to him or not. Meredith was the person she wanted to see, the person she needed to talk to about her problems with Owen. There was no way she was going to back down, and she doubted that doctor McBroody was going to make her. He was usually pretty to easy to get through, unless of course he was in one of his moods were he was crazy enough to hit a diamond ring into the woods after one too many drinks.

"You're not coming inside, Cristina." He was firm. "Go home. If there's something you need to talk to Meredith about, call her on the phone."

"You're an ass. And you look like crap, by the way." She'd noticed even in those few moments there at the door that he looked sick. There were no other words spoken as she walked back to her car though, slamming the door before starting the ignition. If he wasn't willing to let her see her person, then he was going to have to hear about it later. Maybe Meredith was willing to put up with his moods and his crap, but one thing was for sure. Cristina was certain she didn't have to, and she wasn't about to even attempt it.

The door was shut. With little to no caring, Derek shut the front door. He was more concerned with his family than he was with the petty drama that threatened to wake the beautiful woman upstairs.

"Cristina came by." Despite his efforts, it was just half an hour later that he was at Meredith's side, sitting on their bed with his hand in hers. "I told her you were sleeping."

"So you wouldn't let her in?" Meredith actually grinned a bit, despite knowing she would have to deal with her friend later.

"I wouldn't let her in." He agreed, moving his hand to run over her hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess. Still sort of pukey..."

"Pukey?" He couldn't help but smile despite his concern that she might actually have caught a bug, or worse.

"Yeah...it's the word the baby and I have. We get pukey sometimes. That's why we make deals. I buy baby presents if baby gives me a break from the pukey."

She was so matter-of-fact that Derek couldn't help but laugh, even if he knew it really wasn't that funny. Living with your head over a toilet bowl half of your waking hours wasn't exactly something to joke about. He admired his wife's spirit though, that was for sure. "What can I get you?" The movement of his hand towards her forehead just to be sure she didn't have a fever was interrupted by the buzzing of his pager.

"Nothing, now, since I'm sure that means you're leaving."

He noticed the face she made, but with not much choice, he was left having to grab the buzzing device from the bedside table. "I have to go." He verified, sighing as he quickly kissed her before he got up, clipping his pager to his pants. Ensuring she didn't have a fever was forgotten.

"You may wanna change." She pointed out. There was a definite disappointment that he was leaving, but Meredith knew she couldn't ask him to stay, not if the hospital was paging him 911. "I mean, unless you think the chief goes for the jeans and t-shirt look now."

"You make an excellent point." He laughed and grabbed his slacks from where they were hanging over the chair, quickly pulling them on along with his button-up before adding his lab coat. "Better?"

She received another kiss before answering him. "You look nice."

"I'll be back soon."

"Addison will be here in a couple of hours, right? So you don't have to worry about me." She read his mind, without a mention of his concern.

"You've been throwing up, all day."

"I'll be fine."

"Meredith..."

"Really, Derek. I'll be alright. I'm just going to go back to sleep, so I'll be fine."

"Drink the water." Despite his concerns that she wasn't exactly being honest with him, Derek knew he didn't really have a choice. All he could hope for was that Addison would be there sooner than they thought, that she would be there to make sure his wife was alright. He was sure it would be far more than two hours before he got home. An emergency page meant a surgery, and with his specialty, surgery wasn't short and sweet. "I love you." He reluctantly headed downstairs and out the back door.

********** [break] **********

"I know you're just trying to assert your independence and right to make choices," Meredith sat on the side of their bed, hand resting on her belly as she looked down at what still wasn't showing the fact that she was growing a baby in her uterus. "But the thing is, you're making daddy hover. Remember, we talked about this? You can't make daddy hover, because that upsets mommy. And mommy doesn't like to be sick. The pukey is getting old. So maybe, we could just give it a rest for..." A frown settled on her face when she heard the beeping of their alarm, the beeping that only sounded when a door was opened. "Derek?" A glance to the clock told her he had only been gone forty minutes. It didn't make any sense.

He couldn't hear her. From where he was downstairs, there was no way he could hear her call his name as he tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter.

"...hey..."

Derek looked up as she came down the stairs, noticing her confusion. "Got sent home." He pulled off his coat, tossing it onto a chair.

"What do you mean, got sent home?" Meredith frowned, leaning against the wall there at the bottom of their stairs. "As in, got in trouble?"

"As in, Bailey busted me for having a fever. Gave me some speech about how she's a momma, and momma's know things." He smiled, despite his obvious frustration with the situation. "Gave me some speech about how I looked terrible."

"You do." For the first time, she noticed it. And she felt guilty. Meredith Grey Shepherd felt guilty that she hadn't seen before just how sick her husband looked. He was pale, and that cough was still pretty bad. And all in all, she felt like a terrible wife. Like the kind of wife that didn't realize when her husband wasn't okay. "You do look terrible. Are you feeling okay? You can't be feeling okay, because..."

"Meredith..."

"I'm serious, Derek. You should be in bed."

"I'm fine, Mer. Even if I am sick, it's a low-grade fever. Probably just some sort of virus."

She couldn't argue with him. Even though she wanted to, she couldn't. Her stupid pukey stomach made sure of that. Barely, she made it to the hallway bathroom before throwing up again. "I thought we made a deal." She groaned, running her hand over her belly when she stood.

"You're the one that needs to be in bed." He followed her, his hand on her back when she got up.

"We both need to be in bed."

At least it was a start. He could accept that. As long as he was sure she was resting, he was okay with that. "Okay."

"I think it's a stomach bug." She mumbled as she went upstairs with him. "You better hope you don't have the pukey stomach bug too. Because frankly, it sucks."

Derek couldn't help but smile, running his hand over her hair after getting into bed with her. "You're probably right. Seems like a lot of puking to be caused by the baby."

"Stupid hospitals." Meredith mumbled, closing her eyes. "Stupid hospital germs, and stomach bugs."

"Get some sleep, Mer."

"You too." She opened her eyes a bit to look at him. "You do have fever...more than you think." Her hand was resting on his chest.

"I know, Mer. That's why I'm here, resting." He assured her. "I'm going to let Addison know not to come over here, and then I'll get some sleep."

She accepted his answer. Even if she really just wanted to spend some time taking care of him like he did for her so often, Meredith was tired. And as long as he was really going to rest, she was okay with that. "Okay."

**Please leave me reviews!**


	6. Struggle to Breathe

**This THIRD update in one day (that is definitely a record for me) is just for rannisaurus who has been a devoted reader and request I update soon. :)**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Six**

"Derek?" Meredith repeated his name. For the third time, she repeated his name. And still, he didn't say anything. He just stood there, in their kitchen, leaning over the counter with his palm pressed against the left side of his chest. "Derek..."

The fourth time was a charm. "I'm okay, Mer."

There it was, something. A lie, but at least he spoke. "Not okay."

She was there at his side, and he couldn't help but smile as he looked down at her. "I am okay. You're better. Not puking anymore, and we're both getting to go to work.." He tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest, the pain that had become progressively worse over the last two days. It wasn't getting better. In fact, it was moving. Radiating, if he was being honest, through his neck and into his back.

"Chest pain, coughing, fever..." Meredith wasn't listening to him. "We're going to the hospital. And not for your shift. So someone can take a look at you. Because this...this is not okay."

"Mer..."

"I mean it, Derek. You could be having..."

"My heart works great, Mer. Cristina fixed it. Good as new." He could read her mind.

The only reason he could read her mind, was because he thought the same thing. "I'm not even going to discuss this. Because you are not okay. And this isn't a joke, Derek. I know you like to pretend you're big and strong and fine all the time. But you're hurting...anyone with half of a brain can see that."

He opened his mouth but no words came. Instead, they were replaced by a groan as he rubbed his chest yet again. She was right. No amount of ignoring the piercing pain in his chest was going to make it go away. Something was going on, something that wasn't good. And he had a bad feeling.

"How bad is it?" When the silence stretched on and opened only into the sounds of his obvious discomfort, she took the opportunity to try and figure out the truth.

"It's getting bad." He admitted. Finally his fear was coming through, and he gasped before he could say anything else. "Really bad..." The cough that followed only made it worse, and he forced himself to take a few deep breaths.

The tears that followed those breaths were what scared her. "Derek?" Her heart was pounding as she reached out and put her hand to his cheek.

"The hospital would be..." A few more deep breaths almost sent him crumpled to the floor. "We should go now." He managed. No more breathing. Or, no more deep breathing. He'd figured that much out. So he made sure his breaths were quick, and shallow.

"Oh my God...Derek..." She was frozen there in the kitchen, staring at him. Something was really wrong. Something was wrong with him. And that scared her to death.

"I'll be okay, Mer. Lets just go..."

She winced for him when he coughed, hating the look of pain that flashed through his eyes. "I'll call...we should..."

"You can drive, Mer..." He finally pulled himself out of his pain enough to take her hand. "I know you're scared. I'm scared too."

His honesty wasn't helping.

"But it's going to be okay." He did his best to convince her, glancing at the clock. "Here."

She took the keys when he handed them over. She wanted to hold him. Meredith wanted to wrap her arms around him and help him through whatever it was that was causing him to hurt. But she knew she had to be the strong one. She knew she had to get him to the hospital within the next few minutes, before things were past the point of no return. Because whatever was going on with him, it was bad.

***** [break] *****

"Temp is 102.5." The nurse in the emergency department rattled off the number, stepping around the chair Meredith had at Derek's bedside. "Blood pressure is a little on the low side. He's got a pretty fast heart rate too." She turned her attention to the man who was usually working cases with her, not laying on the gurney hooked up to monitors. "This should help you breathe better, doctor Shepherd." Carefully, and nervously, she placed a nasal cannula tubing under his nose and behind his ears before turning the oxygen on.

"How long have you been having chest pain?" Teddy was already sitting him up some. Flat wasn't working. In fact, flat was just causing him to struggle for breaths. She had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that they were in for a surprise.

Derek waited until she was finished listening to his heart to answer her. He was grateful for the opportunity to rest for a minute, without someone else hooking something else up to him. The leads for his heart monitor weren't bad, and he didn't mind the oxygen or the clip on his finger to tell them how much oxygen was in his blood, but he was sure that was just the start. "Started a couple of days ago, but it wasn't bad then."

"You should have been here sooner, Derek." She shook her head as she scribbled a few things down in his chart. "Sounds like you've got a nice pericardial rub going, but we'll have to do a couple of tests to be sure." After asking him a few more questions, her attention was turned to the nurse. "Get me an IV started. I don't want fluids yet. But you can go ahead and give him the pain medication."

"Doctor Altman..."

Derek looked at his wife, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. He knew she was scared. He could see it in her eyes, but he didn't want her to freak out. Not if he could help it. "I'm okay, Mer. Let her do her job."

"I'm on top of this." Teddy assured Meredith, smiling a bit at Derek. "I'm going to get an echo, and we'll see what's going on." She headed out of the room to talk to Owen.

Meredith followed her out. She didn't give Derek a chance to argue, or keep her there. "What's wrong with him?!"

"Meredith..." Doctor Altman frowned.

"He's really sick, isn't he?!" She was panicking, but she didn't care. The man that she loved was sick. He was sick, and laying on a bed in the emergency department, hooked up to oxygen and monitors and wires. Meredith Grey Shepherd was scared. And hormonal. "What's wrong with him?!"

"Meredith." Owen stepped between the two women.

"You're not doing anything! He's hurting and he's sick and now he can't breathe, and you're not doing anything!"

He grabbed her arms as she threw them up again, lowering them gently. "You've been sick, right? Both of you? Some sort of stomach bug."

The question quieted her for a moment, though it didn't stop tears from falling. "For a couple of days."

Doctor Hunt nodded. "It's likely that this is just a viral infection that has led to pericarditis. We'll take a fluid sample to be sure. But if that's the case...he'll be fine. You know that."

"Pericarditis..." Meredith was okay with that. If there was just some extra, nasty, infected fluid around Derek's heart, she was okay with that. It sounded worse than it was, really. If they drained the fluid, or even if they didn't, they could treat that. Antibiotics could fix that. "I want to know. I need to know."

Owen looked to Teddy for confirmation.

She nodded. "We'll do a pericardiocentesis, and run some labs on the fluid. Meanwhile, I can start him on some antibiotics just in case. But you have to stay calm, Meredith. I know this is a lot, and I know you're scared, but you're not helping yourself or your husband. If you get yourself all worked up, you'll just make him worry."

"I want you to do it now." Meredith was wiping away her tears, and already headed back into the room as the nurse walked out.

Teddy sighed, glancing to Owen. "Thanks..."

"She's just scared." He tried to cover for the crazy hormonal pregnant lady, glancing back to the room where Derek was. "Do you want me to take care of it?"

"No...she seems okay now. I'll do it."

Owen nodded. "Page me if you need anything."

**** [break ****

"Pericarditis isn't a big deal, Mer.." Derek was trying to reassure his wife, despite how he was still feeling. He was focused completely on the woman he loved, despite his pain, despite his coughing, and despite his concern.

"I know." Meredith was crying again. She tried not to, but she couldn't help it. "I know it isn't a big deal."

"It's okay to be scared." He brushed his hand over her cheek. "But I need you to be strong, okay? For me...for the baby."

"I'm trying." She glanced up at his monitors for a moment. "I really am trying. It's just...Teddy and Owen agreed. They agreed they were going to do the test...and now it's been half an hour. And you're just getting worse. And they aren't here yet. And it could take..."

Meredith was interrupted when both Teddy and the nurse entered the room again. "Sorry I kept you waiting." Teddy was already pulling a surgical gown on while the nurse set up the tray for her. "I wanted to take a look at your labs before we got started. If this comes back bacterial, we'll admit you for about twenty-four hours and just let you stay on antibiotics."

"Sounds good." Derek wasn't much for talking. Not when someone was about to insert a needle in his chest and drain fluid from around his heart. There wasn't much talking that could ease his nervousness about that.

"Do you have any questions about what's going to happen?" Doctor or not, surgeon or not, she still treated him like any other patient. "Lisa is going to give you some medication to help raise your blood pressure a little bit, and we'll turn your oxygen up some. I'm going to lower the head of your bed quite a bit, so you may have some difficulty breathing while your flat. Just hang in there with me. I'll try to be as quick as I can." She was already using the ultrasound wand to look at his heart again. "You've got quite a bit of fluid building up here, so I'm going to try and drain off as much of it as I can."

"Don't have any questions." He felt like crap. Truthfully, Derek Shepherd felt terrible. The fever combined with the nagging cough and the painful stabbing feeling in his chest left him feeling like he'd been hit by a truck. He didn't really know if he could handle the feeling of his lungs filling with fluid and the inability to breathe, but he also knew he didn't have much of a choice. His eyes shut, in an effort to think about anything but what was about to happen.

His short responses, his lack of talking, scared Meredith. She knew he was scared, and she hated that. Instead of opening her mouth though and letting her hormonal feelings spill out into the tense silence in the room, she said nothing. She focused on the man she loved. She held onto his hand, determined to give him whatever comfort she could, even if it wasn't much.

"Alright 'll get started." Teddy smiled a bit as she pulled on some sterile gloves. "You'll feel some pressure when I insert the needle. Some patients do feel pain, but don't let that scare you. We'll give you something afterwards if you need it."

The nurse was already lowering his bed.

Derek tightened his hold on Meredith's hand. As his sitting position was taken away, so was his ability to stay completely calm. He didn't like feeling as if he couldn't breathe. And that was immediate. He began to cough, violently, as his body fought to clear out the fluid there.

"Deep breaths, Derek..." Meredith fought back tears as she ran a hand through his hair. She hated knowing he was hurting, and that there was nothing he could do about it.

"Can't...breathe.." He mumbled, a slight gurgling sound escaping his lips as he drew in the best breath he could.

"Stay focused, doctor Shepherd. We're moving as quickly as we can." The nurse, Lisa, replaced his nasal cannula with an oxygen mask in an effort to give him a little more support.

"I'm going to numb you now, Derek. We're moving quickly. Just try and stay relaxed." Teddy was going as fast as she could, handing the wand over to the nurse as she numbed the skin on Derek's chest. The fluid was building up faster than she'd expected, and with his trouble breathing, she knew she didn't have time to waste. "Be very still for me."

Did he really have a choice? Derek kept his eyes closed, trying to center his mind anywhere that wasn't there, in his current situation. He tried to think about being home, with Meredith, about the baby they were expecting. He tried to think about the procedure actually working, about what it would be like to breathe again.

***** [break] *****

"I don't understand."

"Sometimes we..."

She was still pacing. "Don't...don't go there." Meredith didn't even look down at the consent, just scribbled her name across the page. "Derek's healthy. He's always been healthy. I had a stomach virus. The kind you get every year. The kind that you get over. I didn't even know he picked it up. And now you're telling me it's the reason he's going to end up having an emergency cardiac procedure?"

"The scar tissue from his surgery is causing the issue, Mer. It didn't matter that he was otherwise healthy. They've got to get in there and separate that scar tissue so the fluid will drain." Christina stepped in for a grateful Teddy Altman.

"I promise you I'm going to get him back to you in one piece. Like you said...he was healthy before. So he'll pull through this just fine." Teddy took the clipboard back from the distraught woman in front of her. "But we've got to move now if we want a good outcome."

"I don't understand."

Christina ignored her friend's words. She knew she was frazzled. She knew she was scared. After all, just days ago everything had been fine. And now Derek Shepherd was facing a procedure for a life-threatening complication from the fluid build-up around his heart. "Let's go sit down somewhere. We'll get something to eat...and I'll sit with you."

"I have to see him first."

Meredith didn't have to wait long. The surgical team was already wheeling Derek out of the trauma room so they could take him up to surgery.

"Man...he does look bad..."

Christina shot Alex a look, despite the fact that he was right. Derek did look bad. Dead, almost. The graying of his skin was just the start, though. Her eyes gravitated to the dangerously low numbers displayed on his monitor. Blood pressure that low, despite some pretty good pharmaceutical support, was bad. Really bad. But then, that was normal. Normal for a patient with cardiac tamponade, anyway. It was, after all, a life-threatening emergency. If they didn't get that fluid drained away from his heart, he'd die. Patients died from it all the time, especially in her line of surgery. So despite her calm reassurance to her person, Christina Yang knew they were dealing with a very serious issue. Derek's life was a stake. That's why she was glad Teddy Altman was there. Otherwise she'd scrub in herself, before she let some sub-par cardiac surgeon hold Derek Shepherd's life in their hands.

"Derek..." Meredith tried to fight back tears, tried to hide her fear.

Somehow he managed to grab her hand. It was all he could do through the blinding pain, struggle to breathe, and crashing vitals. But he did manage to take his wife's hand. Derek knew it could be the last time, and he wanted her to know he loved her. There was no way he could say that, not with how quickly he was crashing, and not beneath the high pressure oxygen they had on him, but he hoped the gentle squeeze he gave her was enough.

"I'll see you soon." Her own words were trapped, for different reasons. "Don't you dare pull anything funny in there."

He was grateful for the brush of her lips across his forehead, more grateful than she would ever know.

"I'll send someone out to update you as soon as I can." Teddy looked at Meredith Shepherd one more time before she hurried toward the elevator with her patient. "I need this hallway clear, please!"

"...He was fine. Just yesterday, he was fine." Suddenly she was coming back to reality. As her husband disappeared behind the elevator doors, Meredith's mind started working again, started forming thoughts again.

"Teddy's a good surgeon, Mer. You know that." Christina tried to take her over to some chairs, just to get her off her feet for a while.

"Cardiac tamponade, Christina. We came in here because he was having chest pain and trouble breathing. They tell us it's just pericarditis. And now he's having surgery to..."

"He's having a more permanent drain placed, and having some scar tissue broken up. It's not open heart surgery, Mer. I mean...not like the last time." She tried again to get her to sit.

Meredith resisted, pacing again. "People die from cardiac tamponade. They die. What if..."

"He's not going to die."

"You don't know that!"

"You're going to make yourself sick." Finally she pulled her down onto a chair, sitting down next to her. "He'll be fine. In a couple of days, he'll be home and you'll be playing nurse. Seriously."

"This is your fault."

"Excuse me?" Christina made a face.

"You did the surgery. The original one. So the scar tissue...it's your fault." Meredith sighed, leaning her head against the wall. She was starting to calm down, slowly.

"You're right. But just so you know...he'd be dead otherwise. Do you think any of those other idiots could have fixed him that day? They barely knew the difference between their aortic and pulmonic valves. They..."

"I'm going to make sure he knows this is your fault."

Christina couldn't help but smile. She was just glad for he brief return of her person, the brief return of the Meredith she knew. Even if she was sure it very well could be short-lived.

***** [break] *****

"The surgery went really well. Better than I expected, actually. I was able to scope the whole thing, so he just has a small incision at the drain line." Teddy pulled her surgical cap off as she sat down in front of Meredith and Christina a few hours later.

"How many drains did you leave?" Christina did the talking for Meredith who was just trying to take everything in, who still looked like she could hit the floor if they allowed her to stand up. She was a nervous wreck, despite everything she'd done over the past hours to try and reassure her that he'd be okay.

"Two drains. If everything goes the way I hope it will, we'll take those out sometime tomorrow. I expect he'll be able to go home in about 48 hours with no complications."

"Whose taking over his patients?"

Christina and Teddy were both surprised by the question, and a silence followed.

"Its just...Lexie's baby...I mean...if she..."

"I thought Addison said she was doing fine."

"You should try not to worry about that right now. You've got enough to deal with." Teddy tried to get the subject back to Derek. He'd kill all of them if they allowed his wife to work herself into a frenzy. "Lexie isn't having her baby anytime soon, and if she does, we'll find a good neurosurgeon to take over care."

"How long is he going to be out of work?" Meredith's head was still spinning. She couldn't help it. Everything had happened really fast, too fast. And hormones weren't helping.

"Probably a good four weeks...depending on how his recovery goes...and if he actually follows doctors orders." Teddy was brave enough to smile a bit. "So that will be up to you, to keep him in line."

"So you're sure he's okay?" Meredith was already standing up, holding onto the wall a bit for support as she let her legs find their balance again.

"He's in a lot of pain, but that's to be expected with the drains we have placed. I've got him on good pain control, though. It's going to take some time for him to really stabilize, so he'll be in the ICU overnight for observation."

"What about his blood pressure?"

"It's holding pretty steady with the dopamine drip. I'll try to cut back on that this evening if all goes well."

"I want to see him."

Christina was standing up as well, prepared to go with her.

"He's still waking up, so don't be surprised if he doesn't offer much back right now." Teddy was already leading them both down the hallway.

Meredith didn't care. She didn't care in the last whether he talked to her or not. She just needed to see him, touch him, be there with him. She needed to see for herself that he was alright.


	7. I'll Hold Your Hand

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Seven**

"Hey," Meredith hoped that her smile would coax something out of him, something other than what she'd been getting so far. The last couple of hours had been rough on both of them. He'd been in and out of it, mostly out, and she was pretty sure it was because of the pain. Chest tubes hurt, and his fever was still pretty high. On top of everything else, Teddy hadn't been able to wean him off any meds yet. His body just wasn't stable enough, but Meredith was hoping if they held out a few more hours, that would change.

"Hey..." The touch of her fingers on his hand, despite how simple, was helpful. It was more than helpful, to someone who still felt like they'd been hit by a truck. Derek felt like garbage, despite the drains that were finally pulling the fluid away from his overworked heart. He tried to give her something more, something that would ease her worry. Because he could tell that she was struggling. But it wasn't easy. Derek just wanted relief, from something.

"Is there anything I can do? To help?" Meredith was desperate to give him some relief.

"I'm alright, Mer."

"No offense, but you don't look alright."

He couldn't help but smile. "You could hit my PCA button for me."

"Still hurting?" Meredith made a face and reached over, hitting the button for his pain pump. "Maybe I should ask Teddy if she'll change the orders."

"No, it's okay." He closed his eyes, though he kept a hold on her hand. "Have you had something to eat?" Despite all of the craziness, he was aware enough to know that they'd been there since morning, and the last thing he wanted was her forgetting about her own health.

"Christina made me eat...when you were in surgery. And I've slept a little...off and on." By a little she meant about forty-five minutes, but he certainly didn't need to know that.

They were interrupted, before he could follow up with another question. "How's the patient?" Teddy walked in, an intern trailing close behind her. He was at least smart enough to stay near the door of the tiny ICU room.

"He's still in a lot of pain." Meredith spoke before Derek could, glancing at the intern who was behind Teddy. He looked young enough to be fresh out of high school, and for a moment she actually thought about asking him to leave. But, she decided against it. As long as he stayed away from her husband, she didn't care.

"That's to be expected after what your body has been through. A lot of that should be resolved tomorrow when we take the chest tubes out."

Derek opened his eyes to see doctor Altman removing the stethoscope from around her neck. "No chance they can come out sooner?"

"Good try." Teddy smiled as she listened to his heart. "They've only been there three hours. You were pretty sick, Derek."

"Still are sick." Meredith chimed in. She was happy he seemed more alert, but she could tell by the glassy and miserable look in his eyes that he was just putting on a brave face for the doctors in the room. She knew he wasn't doing well, and she wasn't about to let him push for a faster recovery that would only leave him in the ICU longer.

"Kyle...why don't you come over here and take a look at his drain site...let me know what you think, and tell me what else is important before we leave."

Meredith tensed, biting her tongue to keep herself from refusing to let that kid near Derek.

The clearly anxious intern did as he was asked, relieved when the well-known neurosurgeon closed his eyes again. It was just easier, when it seemed like he might actually be going back to sleep. "Sure..."

Teddy stepped aside while he pulled on some gloves, then kept a close eye on the new doctor while he examined Derek's surgical site.

"Drains are still in place. Normal amount of swelling and redness..."

Meredith almost rolled her eyes. "Look...could we move on from the education, please? He needs to get some sleep."

"It's okay." Derek mumbled, eyes still closed. He wasn't really a fan of the intern pressing around on his chest, but he tried not to protest too much. Luckily he was still in a cloud of heavy drugs that left it pretty easy for him to drift off towards sleep.

"We'll be done in just a minute." Teddy was still watching her student. "What else do we need to check before we leave here?"

"Amount of drainage..."

"The nurse records that on the post-operative sheet...it's on the door."

Derek couldn't help but smile at his wife's annoyance. "Mer..."

Teddy chose to ignore her. "What else do you need to know, before you leave this patient?"

"Fluid status?"

"And how would you check that?"

"Breath sounds." The intern still seemed hesitant, even as he tossed his gloves into the trash and pulled his stethoscope from around his neck.

"But you'll have to do what first?"

"Change his position...he's...he needs to be more flat...to get an accurate assessment." Despite the confidence in his answer, he didn't move.

"Go ahead..." Even Teddy was starting to lose her patience.

The nervous intern hit the button on Derek's bed, lowering his head. His only mistake? He was too controlled by his fear to stop before the patient's head was almost flat.

A searing pain snapped Derek's eyes open faster than he thought possible, and he couldn't contain the gasp that was forced out of his mouth.

Meredith shot up as soon as his grip on her hand tightened, cringing when she heard the gurgling gasps of pain and struggle from her husband. A protective instinct kicked in and she shoved the intern aside. "What part of just had surgery do you not understand?! My God!" Her hand was on the button before Derek could say anything, and she quickly sat his bed back up enough to allow him to breathe through the fluid and pressure that was holding his chest hostage.

"Deep breaths, Derek." Teddy would deal with the student later, when they weren't in the middle of dealing with a suffering patient and a furious wife. "Take some deep breaths for me. I know it hurts. I'm sorry." She replaced his nasal cannula with a mask, giving him a little more oxygen support while she took an opportunity to listen to his breath sounds herself. "We're still okay here."

"No more interns." There was a hint of anger and hostility as Meredith ran her hand along Derek's arm. Her eyes were on him as she searched to see if he really was alright.

"...I..." He closed his eyes. After a brief look into Meredith's eyes, he did the only thing he knew to do that might ease the struggling of his body.

"Derek..." Meredith found her seat again, leaning over so her words were whispered into his ear. "Go to sleep." Her fingers ran through his hair. "It's okay to rest."

Teddy took a step back, letting Meredith have a moment with her husband. As long as his vitals stayed normal, she would let it go. Her eyes were on the machine that told her the truth about his progress and where he was at in his recovery.

"Is he..." The intern finally seemed to find his voice. "Is he okay?"

"This is why you have to remember the basics." Teddy glanced to him. "He's got two drains in...and you're honestly very lucky that you didn't just dislodge one of them." A put-out cardiac surgeon led the student out of the room, leaving the doorway only after she gave the nurse strict orders to page her if anything in his vital signs changed.

Meredith sighed as she watched her husband's thumb find the button for his pain pump. "I think it's too soon, Derek...it's only been a few minutes." She glanced at the clock.

"Yeah..."

The choked tone almost brought tears to her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I should have been paying more attention." Her fingers were still running through his hair, something he'd never let her do on any other day...not unless they were home and getting ready for bed. "It might help if you go back to sleep."

"Trying..." For once, Derek didn't offer her anything. He didn't go out of his way to convince her that he was okay. Instead, he spent what little energy he had left to convince himself.

"I know...I know you are." Meredith was glad when he finally drifted under the hold of the drugs, knowing that was the only way he was going to get any relief.

***** [break] *****

"Have you heard anything else about Derek?" Lexie took the glass of water Mark offered to her, taking a small sip before holding it on her lap. She was recovering well from the surgery, considering everything. So far things had gone according to plan. She was still pregnant. Ella still looked good. So Lexie was calm. Or, as calm as she could be considering the circumstances and uncertainty they faced with their daughter.

"He was stable last night when I called. I'm going to go up there today and see how he's doing. I told Meredith to call me when they moved him out of the ICU, so I'm assuming he's still there."

"You would have thought they would have moved him by now." Lexie frowned.

"He was still having some trouble regulating his blood pressure last night. They can't move him until they get him off of that dopamine drip."

"I didn't realize it had gotten that bad."

"He was pretty bad off yesterday, Lex. I think he even had Altman freaked out."

"How's Meredith holding up?"

"She sounded tired, but I think she's doing okay."

"Someone should make her go home and get some sleep."

Mark couldn't help but laugh. "You and I both know there's not a chance in hell she's going to leave that hospital. Not until he's going home with her."

"You're probably right." Lexie sighed, glancing down at her belly. "Do you ever think about what it would be like to just have a normal year?"

"I'm not even sure I know what normal is anymore, to tell you the truth." Mark reached over, rubbing her shoulder. "Things are going to get better. They will."

"I hope so."

"We've got a baby on the way. Meredith and Derek are getting their baby. Things will settle out." He hoped for both their sakes that what he was saying was true.

"What if they don't? I mean, what if Ella..."

"Lexie Grey." Mark shot her a look. "Nothing's going to happen to our little girl. Derek does good work. And so does Addison."

"Fifty percent, Mark. There's a fifty percent chance..."

"That what? That she won't be exactly what people expect? That doesn't mean she won't be our little girl, Lexie."

"I know. I just..." She sighed. "I want what everyone else wants, Mark. I want a normal baby."

"And you don't know that you won't get that. We just have to believe that we will. Worrying isn't going to change anything, Lex. You know that. What's normal, anyway?"

"Yeah..."

"Look...lets focus on other things. Like getting a room ready for her."

Lexie couldn't help but smile. He really was a changed man. After everything, Mark was stronger. Better. The man she always knew he could be. "I guess we could."

"She can't sleep on the floor." He pointed out.

"I know that." Lexie laughed, finally allowing her worry to settle in the back of her mind rather than remain in control of her thoughts. "Maybe next week we can shop...when I get cleared by Addison." She thought for a moment, glancing at the clock. "You really should go check on Derek. Just to make sure everything's okay."

Mark could tell she was worried. He was worried too. He just, tried not to show it. "Do you want me to get anything while I'm out? Breakfast, maybe?" He was already getting up, knowing better than to suggest that he wait.

"Breakfast sounds good." Lexie smiled, glad he was agreeing to go. "Call me when you're on your way back here and Ella and I will figure out what sounds good."

***** [break] *****

"Mark.." Meredith was surprised when she looked up and saw him in the doorway of the ICU room. She was still there with her husband, still sitting at his side, hoping he would turn the corner soon. So far things had been slow going.

"Sorry to just show up. Figured I would come see what kind of trouble he was giving you." Mark tried not to notice just how bad off his friend looked. "How's he doing?"

"He had some setbacks during the night." Meredith yawned, pulling her hair into a ponytail as she sat there talking to him. "Teddy came and upped his dopamine. I don't think they're going to be able to take the chest tubes out this morning. He's still had quite a lot draining."

Mark shook his head a bit. Couldn't anything ever just be easy? "What about the infection? Is that clearing?"

"Looks like it. He's just having a hard time bouncing back. He hasn't really been awake this morning." She admitted.

Despite the calm confidence in her answers, Mark could tell Meredith was near her breaking point. "Always was a stubborn man.."

Meredith smiled at his joke, even if she was closer to tears than to laughter. "Yeah."

"He's going to be fine."

"I know. I just...it's hard to see him like this." She glanced back at Derek, hoping Mark was right.

"Give him a couple of days. He'll bounce back good as new. Then you'll have him whining at home."

"I doubt it." Meredith admitted. "He's too busy hovering to pay any attention to himself. I don't know what he's going to do for the next six months...if he's already like this."

"There's always the trailer." Mark pointed out. "Might do him some good, to get kicked out for a while." He was glad he could at least get her attention away from her fear for a while. It was the least he could do, he figured, considering.

"I heard that." Derek mumbled, opening his eyes just enough to make out his friend in the doorway. "How's Lexie?"

"Derek," Meredith's smile grew when she finally heard his voice for the first time in hours.

"Hey..." He offered her a small smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not so good...but...better..." Derek didn't want to worry her, but he didn't want to sugar-coat things either.

"Lexie's good...a lot better than you." Mark finally chimed in. "You scared the crap out of us."

"Glad I could provide some entertainment." He winced as he began to cough, grateful Meredith was there to sit his bed up a bit more.

"Now if you could just stop screwing around with your blood pressure, we could actually get to a decent room."

Meredith simply shook her head at the two of them. It was nice, to see Derek awake and actually acting a bit more like himself. She was grateful Mark was there, even if he was a little too lighthearted about things.

"Well since you put it that way..." Derek rolled his eyes a bit, but there was a hint of an amused smile on his face.

Before Mark could respond, they were interrupted by Teddy who knocked a bit before just walking in. "Sorry to interrupt. Came to see how you were holding up."

"Better, I think." Derek was just hoping to get rid of the drains in his chest. He knew that was half the battle when it came to the pain he was in. Chest tubes just didn't make for comfort.

"I'd say that's true." Teddy smiled, going over the numbers on his chart again before she set it aside and listened to his chest. "Your blood pressure is finally looking better." She put her stethoscope back around her neck. "I'm going to try lowering some of your medications and see where that gets us. If you do well, we'll try to have you in a room by tonight."

"What are the chances I can get these drains removed?"

"Unfortunately, pretty small right now. You're still losing quite a bit of fluid, and I'd like to see them slow down before we take them out."

Derek groaned a bit, sighing.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but if we don't have any more problems, my goal is to have them out this afternoon. Hang in there."

"He's still in a lot of pain." Meredith pointed out.

"Problem is, we actually need to back off the pain management some. I think we're sort of shooting ourselves in the foot with it. The high doses we have him on may be part of the reason his blood pressure isn't stabilizing well."

"Yeah, but..." Meredith sighed. "I don't think we can go much lower on them. He..."

"I'll be okay, Mer." Derek didn't want her to worry. Even if he wanted to protest and agree with her, he didn't. It was more important to him that she be okay.

"If you want him out of the ICU anytime soon, we're going to have to start somewhere." Teddy was already scribbling down her orders in his chart. "I'm going to discontinue your PCA pump, and lower your continuous dose. If the pain gets too bad, you let me know. We'll figure something else out. But I'm more concerned with seeing your blood pressure figure itself out." She got the approving look from Derek before she left the room.

Mark could tell it wasn't a good time to crack more jokes, so he chose an exit strategy instead. "Why don't I run and get you something to eat?"

Meredith was grateful for his offer, even if most of her energy was used up by her frustration toward their co-worker who hadn't seemed to hear her concerns at all. "Food would be good."

"Anything specific?"

"Not really. Just, some coffee maybe?"

"Decaf." Derek clarified before closing his eyes. He was tired. Even if he did want to stay awake for her, and for Mark, it just wasn't easy.

"Decaf coffee and something to eat. Got it."

"The caffeine would have been a great help, you know." Meredith sighed, glancing to Derek when Mark left. "You should have said something to Teddy. You're not ready to be off of pain meds, Derek."

"Caffeine and twelve weeks pregnant don't go well together, Mer. And I don't think I was going to be able to change her mind. She was pretty set on cutting things back." He opened his eyes for a moment.

"But, you're not ready." A frown settled on Meredith's face. "I don't want...I don't think I can sit here and watch you..."

"I'm okay, Mer. Really." He brushed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I know it's hard. I sat with you...after the accident...and...I know. I know it isn't easy. But really...I'll be alright."

"If your pain gets too bad..."

"I'll let you know, I promise." Derek managed to give her a small smile. "I guess there's no chance I can convince you to go home and get some sleep?"

"You'd be wasting your breath." She leaned over, kissing him. "I'll go home when you go home."

"Perhaps tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow would be nice." Meredith smiled when he started to drift off again. She knew he needed the rest. Even if he fought it, even if he tried to stay awake for her, she would rather him get better.

"I love you, Meredith."

"Love you too." She glanced over as the nurse came in to change his IV pump settings. "Get some sleep."

"Promise me you'll eat whatever Mark brings."

"Scouts honor."

Satisfied that she was doing okay, Derek allowed his body to do what it needed. He slept, hoping that when he woke up he would be in a different place, that he would finally be out of the ICU and one step closer to being home with his wife.

**Leave me a review, pretty please :)**


	8. Keep Holding On

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Eight **

"I don't understand."

The look of disbelief on Meredith Shepherd's face made Teddy Altman a bit uncomfortable. No one wanted to deal with the wrath of the pregnant lady, especially not after she'd seen just how angry she was the day before. "We're going to switch his antibiotics and see if that does the trick."

"That's it?"

"Meredith..."

"Look at him, Teddy!" She wasn't accepting something as simple as a med switch. Her husband was sick. Worse than the day before, even. So no. She wasn't going to back down.

"I know you're frustrated."

"He's getting worse." Her voice broke a bit. "He was talking. Yesterday afternoon...he was talking to Mark and I. And now..." Meredith's gaze found its way back to Derek's closed eyes.

"I promise you, that we are doing everything we can. He's going to pull through this. He just needs more time."

The attempt by Teddy to stay calm only made Meredith more nervous. "His temperature was 104 the last time they took it. He's in a lot of pain...his breathing is getting worse...blood pressure isn't getting any better..." She couldn't help but point out her observations, the things that scared her. The things that made her feel like she was going to lose him. And she couldn't. She couldn't lose him. Not after everything they'd been through together.

Teddy knew she wasn't going to let up, so she changed her approach, grabbing a nearby chair. "He's very sick. You're right about that." She started talking once she was seated again. "And I know this is not what we were hoping for. The infection is not responding to the antibiotics, and he's still having trouble clearing the fluid from his heart. Having said that...I think he just needs more time. If we can get him on the right antibiotic and give his body more time to rest, he'll probably turn the corner."

"Why does everyone keep doing that?"

Her agitation made Dr. Altman pause. "Doing what?"

"Pretending. Treating me like I'm some sort of dying person. Like I need to be handled delicately. Lying."

"You want the truth?"

"Yang..." Teddy looked surprised to see her resident there, shooting her a warning look, which Cristina of course ignored.

"The truth is that we pulled the chest tubes too soon. We're going to do an echo, but it's likely we'll have to place another one this afternoon. Maybe sooner. Teddy and I have been talking about the possibility that he may need a vent. Just until we can get this infection under control and figure out why he's still having so many problems with his fluid status and blood pressure. He's sick, really sick."

"Cristina." It was a disciplinary tone more than anything.

Meredith was actually grateful for the honesty, though, and she glanced back to Teddy as she stood. "...but..." For a moment, she tried to process everything. "A vent...but he's...he was..."

"He's really sick." Cristina repeated.

"I don't want that." Meredith's hands were shaking, but she refused to show her weakness, quickly brushing back tears from her eyes. "I don't want a machine breathing for him."

"I know you don't." Teddy didn't give Cristina a chance to respond. "None of us want that. I'm going to get the echo done, and change his antibiotics. We're going to keep an eye on his breathing. Depending on what the echo shows, I expect we probably will place another chest tube. We'll go from there."

"What about pain management?"

"Would you rather him be dead and happy, or alive and hurting?" Christina snapped.

"Okay...that's enough." Teddy looked at her. "Go figure out what antibiotic we want to switch to, and get us set up for an echo." She sighed. "Meredith, we've talked about this..."

"I know. I know we have." This time she couldn't stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. "But things have changed. It didn't help with his blood pressure anyway. And if you're going to put a chest tube in...you can't expect him to go through that without something more. Please."

"I'm going to look at his latest labs, and I'll discuss it with you when I come back."

Meredith was too distracted by the movement of Derek's hand to bother to respond. "I'm still here." She turned her attention back to him, glancing at his monitors one last time before forcing a smile when he opened his eyes. "We're working on getting you put back together."

Derek hoped she was right. Because he couldn't take much more. The pain was bad, the fever was miserable, and the struggle to breathe was terrifying. He was hanging in there the best he could for her, but it seemed to be a losing battle. The tough guy exterior was gone. In fact, he couldn't even bring himself to bug her about how she was, and make sure she was taking care of herself. Whatever it was that was keeping him sick, it was winning. Taking over him.

She could see the pain in his eyes, and frowned when he began to cough, wincing a the sharp gasp and groan that came from his mouth. "I know it hurts. I'm so sorry."

He tried to recover from the slicing pain that shot down his chest, but found it to be an impossibility. The coughing continued, and he started to feel more and more like he was drowning in his own body. Tears threatened to fall as shaking hands gripped the railing on the bed in a desperate attempt to pull himself up as if somehow that would help clear his airway.

"Derek." Meredith frowned, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You can't do that. I know this is hard. I..."

"Help..." He managed the gurgled word through the fit of coughing.

It was like someone had knocked the wind out of her. Help, how? "I'm here, right here with you." She reached over and turned his oxygen up, replacing the nasal cannula he'd been wearing with a mask that she hoped would offer him enough support. Realizing at the same time that it probably wasn't going to give him all that he needed, she reached over and pushed the call button for the nurse. Teddy needed to be paged. They needed that echo. Now.

"There..." Cristina pointed at the screen, leaving her hand still where she had the wand on Derek's chest. "That's where you have the problem."

"Yeah...I just don't understand why we're still having such an issue. It doesn't look like we have scar tissue still causing this." Teddy studied the screen. "We'll have to re-place that chest tube. Hopefully if we can get that fluid off again and those antibiotics start working, his heart will get the rest it needs."

Another chest tube. He wasn't sure he could handle another chest tube. It hurt like hell, to have someone slice your skin open and shove a tube in there. Or at least, he figured it would. He'd been lucky before, to have them both placed in surgery. There was no strength left in him to argue about it, though he wanted to. In fact, what he wanted to do was just go home. Clearly, that wasn't an option.

He didn't have to say anything, though. Meredith watched him as he opened his eyes, and she could see it. She could see the pain, the worry, the fear. "He needs something more for the pain, before you do anything."

"I can't get much more in him with his blood pressure this low, Meredith. In fact..." Teddy watched as the machine cycled through his blood pressure again. "We're going to have to hold off on anything heavy until we can get some of this fluid out of his chest."

"It's probably best if you step out, Mrs. Shepherd." The nurse in the room, Nina, spoke softly as she walked over, grabbing the tray they needed for the procedure.

"I'm not leaving him."

"She's right." Christina looked over. "Space is tight. We'll be quick. You need a break anyway. Go grab something to eat." It wasn't something her friend needed to see. It was going to be brutal. They all knew that. And Meredith simply wasn't in a state of mind to handle seeing it.

"I'm..."

Derek forced his eyes open again. It took everything he had in him, every ounce of strength he had left, but he got them to open. And he caught her gaze, trying to let her know it was okay. He didn't want to put her through having to watch it either, and he hated seeing the tears that were already in her eyes.

"I don't want to leave him." She quickly wiped the wetness of her cheeks.

"I know you don't." Teddy put her hand on her shoulder. "We're going to take good care of him. And you really should take a quick break."

Meredith didn't fight back. Not that time. Arguing would only delay getting Derek help, and she knew he didn't have much time left. "Please, page me if anything goes wrong."

By the time she brushed her cheeks over his forehead, he was too out of it to realize she was leaving. It happened that fast. Every ounce of energy he had left was used up trying to perform the most basic functions. Breathing, surviving, staying alive. Those things came before comforting his wife.

"We need to move fast." Christina began opening the procedure tray as soon as Meredith was gone.

Teddy wasn't going to argue with that, "Derek, we're going to place your new chest tube now. As soon as I can get your blood pressure stabilized a bit more, I'll up your pain meds."

"He had his last dose about an hour ago, so he should be okay." Nina was working on getting his bed into the right position.

"He's going to have to be intubated."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Have you looked at his vitals? There's no way that some lousy chest tube is going to solve..."

"Cristina." Teddy cut her off. "The patient is awake." Her reminder was for Derek's sake. For now, she knew he was aware enough to know what was going on and what was being said. And it wasn't fair to him, to discuss everything as if he wasn't there.

"Awake or not," Christina shrugged. "That's where we're at." She was already starting the incision on the side of Derek's chest, more or less opening up the very spot that had been closed with the removal of the first drain.

"What happened?!" Meredith demanded answers. Right then, right there. She demanded answers of someone who wasn't even really involved. In fact, he hadn't been involved. Not before that very moment. But she didn't care. They'd sent Mark Sloan to get her, to tell her she needed to come back, and she expected him to be full of information.

"Big Grey..." Mark sighed, spinning her around so that she was facing him again rather than hastily heading in the direction of her husband's room. "Look...I know you're worried."

"You don't know anything about it, Mark!" She refused to cry there in the hallway. Despite her fear, despite her overwhelming emotion, she was not about to let the entire staff see her break down.

The look on his face said it all. He didn't need to explain that he did in fact understand, that he was facing a similar situation with is unborn daughter. It wasn't something that needed to be said. Mark knew that Meredith knew better. "Teddy Altman's a good surgeon. And Derek's tough. He'll get out of here. In one piece."

"He's dying." The words came before she could think about them, before she could stop them. Her voice shook, and she found it harder to keep the tears from falling.

"He's not dying." His response was firm. "He's having some unexpected setbacks, but he is not dying."

"I want to know what happened."

"The chest tube wasn't enough to stabilize his breathing and his blood pressure. Dr. Altman wasn't sure it was going to drain and keep the fluid off of his heart enough to warrant watching and waiting anymore. They needed to intubate him to give his body time to rest. You know that. Struggling to breathe isn't what he needed."

"He needed to get better!" She let him hold her. When the tears finally came and she threatened to collapse on a heap in the floor, Meredith Shepherd let Mark Sloan gather her into his arms. And she cried. Sobbed, really. She sobbed, on his chest.

"He'll get better." Mark sighed, holding onto her in an attempt to comfort her. "You're going to have to pull yourself together, though. Because you can't go in there like this."

"What did you do to her?" Cristina had a wary look on her face as she turned the corner.

"As if her husband being in the ICU with a tube shoved down his throat wasn't enough." Mark mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Meredith listened. She listened to Mark, because he was right. She couldn't fall apart, not now. Derek needed her to be strong. And being strong meant that she had to hold herself together. "I want to see him." She turned her attention to Christina, ignoring the arguing between the two. Tears were shoved aside.

"We gave him just enough sedation to get the vent set up." Cristina offered the information, knowing she would want to know. "And we've got his blood pressure doing better, so Teddy wrote for the good stuff. He shouldn't be in much pain." She glanced at her watch. "He'll probably be waking up now. And he'll be fine." She added the last part as an afterthought. "Fine, and driving you nuts. Me nuts. All of us, really. In no time. Back marching through here demanding..."

"Cristina..."

"Right...sick. I get it. He's sick right now. But, just...so we're clear. He won't stay that way."

Meredith couldn't help but smile. Even if she felt like her world was falling apart, even if she was scared out of her mind that Derek didn't seem like he was getting any better, she smiled. "I can tell you miss him already."

"Not him. The surgeries. The brains. The extra good stuff. You know, when Teddy kicks me off her service. But not him."

"Right." This time she laughed. Short and sweet, but it was a laugh. Then she was off.

True to Cristina's prediction, he was awake when she entered the room. Barely, just starting to stir, but the powerful hold the sedatives had on him was starting to lift. So he was grateful, more than grateful, when through barely opened eyes he saw her walk through the door.

"Hey..." There was a huge weight lifted off her shoulders when she saw him there with his eyes open. They were just slits, really, but it was enough. It was enough to make part of her fear and worry slip away.

**Thanks so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites so far! Please keep them coming. It's so hard to stay motivated to write without good reviews :)**


	9. A Little laughter

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Nine**

"How much vacation time do you have?"

Mark looked over at his fiance, a bit confused by the question at first. "I'm not sure. Why?"

"Because I was thinking, about after Ella is born. We're going to need vacation. Time off. Lots of time, to be with her. I don't want her to be alone. And if we don't take off, she'll be alone and.."

"Lexie." He tried to interrupt her, to stop her. But it didn't work.

She kept right on talking, as if he'd never said her name. "She's going to be in the neonatal intensive care unit, so it's already going to be bad enough. And Addison mentioned a c-section. She thinks it would be too traumatic on her body to be born naturally. So I'll need six weeks. Except, I don't have six weeks. I don't even have one week. So I thought I'd just quit. If I quit I can stay with her. Because I figured you didn't have vacation time. Not enough anyway, and..."

"Lexie." This time he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "You're not going to quit."

"Someone has to stay with her."

"I know." Mark couldn't help but smile. It was nice, to see Lexie worry. As crazy as it sounded, it was nice to see her be able to take the time to think about how things would be after the baby was born rather than just worrying about if she was even going to live. "And I promise you, someone will be there with her. I'm going to make sure that it gets taken care of." He got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, grabbing her a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"How?" Lexie looked skeptical, though she started to calm down a bit as the brief moment of craziness passed.

He couldn't help but laugh and shake his head when she took a sip, plopping back down on the couch with her. "I'll talk to the chief about it. We'll work something out. He's not going to just let you quit."

"But what about after?"

"After what?"

"After she's born, and she comes home. She's going to need someone here."

"People have babies all the time, Lexie."

She was getting annoyed as his amusement. "This isn't funny."

"I didn't say it was." Still, he couldn't wipe the grin off his face.

"You don't have to say it. You're laughing."

"Smiling is different than laughing."

"Mark!"

Then he really was laughing.

"I'm serious..."

"About someone watching the baby." He smiled. "I know you are. And we're going to find someone. We'll find a really good nanny.

"So not daycare then? I mean, a lot of the nurses at the hospital use the daycare." She shifted so her feet were tucked underneath her. Trying to get comfortable after major abdominal surgery at twenty-four weeks pregnant wasn't exactly easy.

"Lex..." Mark wasn't sure how to choose his words, but he had presence of mind enough to know that he should tread carefully. "Ella may need more care than they can give her at a daycare. We might need to find someone who..."

"She's not going to need more care."

He sighed a bit when she protested. "She might."

When he didn't back down, a frown settled on her face. "And she might not. Derek said he got all of the tumor, Mark. There isn't any of it left. I know she's going to need a little time in the NICU, especially if she comes early, but it isn't because there's still a tumor...because there isn't."

"We talked about this, Lex. With Addison."

"I know what she said, Mark. But she's wrong. She's wrong about our baby. Ella's going to be fine."

_Maybe you're right._ He thought to himself. _Maybe you're right. But there's a chance...there's a chance you're not._

***** [Break] *****

"Tube's coming out on three, Derek."

He braced himself as she counted, groaning at the ripping pain in his chest when he began to cough. The tube was out. And that was fine. But that didn't help how he was feeling.

Meredith frowned. "Drink some water." She held the cup for him, happy that he at least attempted. From where she was, it seemed he got a few sips, and that was progress.

"You're doing great, Derek." Teddy was glad to see him adjust so quickly, though she did place a nasal cannula under his nose just to be sure, to give him that extra support. "Just relax. Try to take slow deep breaths."

"Tubes out." He mumbled, managing a small smile. "That means I get to go home today, right?"

His teasing brought a smile to Meredith's face, once that had been missing for a while. "I see you're feeling better."

"Nice try." Teddy smiled as well, shaking her head. "First things first. If your blood pressure stays where it is now, your fluid status remains stable, and you can at least sit up on your own, I'll get you out of this room."

"Climb Mt. Everest. Right." Derek sighed, his playful personality gone just as quickly as it had come.

"You scared us half to death, Derek." Meredith frowned. "You're lucky to even be alive. So I don't think sitting here for another few days is going to kill you."

"On that note..." Teddy couldn't help but smile at the two of them. "I'll check on you later this evening." She was both surprised and pleased to see his progress. The last twenty-four hours had been hard on all of them, and for a while there they really had wondered if he was ever going to turn the corner.

"Mer..." Derek could tell things had taken their toll on her, and he hated that. He hated that he hadn't been able to comfort her more, that he hadn't been there to make sure she was okay.

"How are you feeling?" She was grateful, that for the time being, he seemed comfortable. She'd been scared, truthfully, about how he would feel when the ventilator was disconnected and the sleepiness subsided.

He could see right through her act. Derek knew his wife well. She would do whatever it took to keep the attention off of her, even if she really was in need of someone to look after her as well. "I'm alright. Hurts a little, but it's not too bad." He told her the truth, knowing she would see right through it if he lied. "But Mer..."

"I'm fine." He didn't have to ask the question. She already knew what he wanted to say. "I've been eating...some of that nasty crap they bring up here three times a day. Don't really know how they expect people to eat it. But I have been...the good stuff anyway. And I've slept." An hour or two. But it counted.

"Your eyes tell me otherwise.." He reached over and took her hand, refusing to give up on offering her comfort when he knew she needed it.

"I've been scared out of my mind, Derek. We thought..."

"I'm sorry."

"You can make it up to me. By doing what you're told. Getting better...following directions...resting."

He wanted to laugh. In fact, he started to, but pain quickly put a stop to that. The cough that followed brought a frown to his wife's face that he didn't really want to see anymore. "How about we save the jokes for later."

"I was actually serious." Meredith gave a sympathetic smile as she helped him hold his pillow to his chest. "No more laughing though, not until you're feeling better."

"I'm feeling great."

She smiled when he did, taking time to simply enjoy the moment for what it was. He was going to be okay. Even if they had a long road ahead of them, and he wasn't completely out of the woods yet, she was sure he was going to be okay. And that's all that mattered to her. "I bet you are."

"Never been better." He was tired, and it was still hard to deal with much other than just making his own chest rise, but he liked to see her happy.

"You should rest." She ran her fingers through his hair, remembering what it was like to just be at home. The two of them. Without sickness, machines, worry, bad hearts, dying...dying babies.

Derek noticed the change in her demeanor, but he didn't press her. They'd been through a lot. Being there in that hospital, laying in the bed, brought back a lot for both of them. A lot that didn't need to be talked about over and over. "You too." He mumbled, watching her for a moment more before he closed his eyes.

"See you in a few hours." She sighed, glancing at the clock when she was sure he was asleep. She really hoped that this was it, that this was the last time they were going to have to deal with some crisis. Because honestly, it would just be nice to have some down time. Happiness. To worry about stupid things, like what to eat for breakfast, or what was on television. Meredith ran her hand over her belly, glancing down at the part of her body that still had no real sign of the baby that was growing there. "I sure hope you're not planning on causing any trouble, because really...mommy and daddy have had enough. For a while. Forever, really."

***** [break] *****

"I want you to go home and get some sleep."

Day four of what seemed like twenty-four started off decent. The sort of decent that made Meredith feel like they were turning the corner. Or rather, that Derek was turning the corner. Tubes and wires had come out, a new spacious room outside of the ICU was home to him, and he had that familiar twinkle back in his eye. "I slept last night."

Pain was still an ongoing battle, so Derek resisted the urge to sit up and get truly eye level with her. He settled on raising the head of his bed just enough, though the stabbing in his chest made him regret it. "Meredith..."

"Look...we can go through this over and over if you want, but it isn't going to change anything. I'm here with you, until you get to go home." She made a face at the nasty cough she got in response.

He was grateful for the pillow she handed him, holding it against his chest the best he could as he continued to cough.

"Where on earth did that come from?" The question was...well it wasn't really a question. More of a concern, really. "Breathe..."

The deep sigh that came from her was a reminder of what he already knew. Her nerves were shot. And he wanted to worry about that. He intended to worry about that. But for the time being, he could think of nothing but the ripping through his chest. It was easier said than done...breathing.

Meredith brushed her hand over his cheek as he groaned and finally rested his head against his pillow again. "I'm sorry." A frown settled on her face as she watched his eyes go to the clock. She knew exactly why he was looking.

"Half an hour..."

"I know..." God, she really hated seeing him in pain.

"I don't know if I can."

"I can get the nurse...try and see if she can get you anything else."

It wasn't very reassuring. For a man who had pain that was seeming to overtake his body, badgering a nurse for more meds just didn't seem like enough. It was likely she'd make him wait the full thirty minutes, and if Meredith brought up the cough in an argument, he'd just end up staying longer. "No use." Derek closed his eyes.

"Maybe if you try and get some sleep." She knew he was trying, but she was running out of things to say, running out of things to do to help comfort her husband.

"Not really tired anymore." He admitted. "I'm ready to go home."

There it was. The bossy side. The whiny side. The side to her husband that most people didn't like. The part of him that had thought it a good idea to swing a baseball bat at a priceless ring. "Maybe tomorrow." She pointed out. "The good news is, you get food here."

"You're right." He grinned, letting his eyelids move again so he could see her. "Absolutely right. I should take advantage of that. I could set up a plan, maybe. To have something delivered. Since, you know, food is essential to recovery, and we both know..."

Meredith laughed, nudging his arm. She was glad she was able to distract him, even if it was just for a few minutes. "Watch it. If you hate my cooking so much, you can just be in charge of meals forever."

"Hope you like fish."

"You cook things other than fish." She argued, playfully rolling her eyes. "Grill, I should say."

"Well, I could." He teased. "I could cook things other than fish. But seems to me there's someone who refuses to allow meat in the house."

"That's not my fault." She protested. "No one wants to look at that...bloody...chopped up...grinded...animal...that's..." There was a pause. "Besides, haven't you always been Mr. Healthy Eater? You know...no junk food..no processed crap. And...salads. I've seen you eat salads."

"Meat is meat, Mer. It's not processed junk. Doesn't mean you're not healthy." Derek had to force himself not to laugh. "And you're just against it because you're pregnant."

"Don't you dare blame the baby. Maybe I'm just changing my mind. You know, about what is and what isn't acceptable."

"What is this, a pitch for PETA?"

Meredith laughed. "Maybe."

"I think we've somehow forgotten the real problem." It was nice to see her smile. Nice enough that Derek forgot about his pain for a few minutes and simply focused on his wife.

"Which is...?"

"How I'm going to get fed when I leave here."

"Seriously." Meredith laughed, looking over as Teddy walked in.

"Looks like someone's feeling better." She was glad to see him in better spirits, that was for sure.

"And complaining." Meredith pointed out.

"About a possible lack of nourishment. You know, when I leave."

"Stop..." She laughed, poking his hand.

Teddy couldn't help but laugh a bit herself. "Surely someone knows the number for take-out."

"See? A great idea." Derek smiled. "I can eat real man's food. And you can eat like a rabbit."

"Men eat salads." Meredith insisted.

"Only when their wives are pregnant and refuse to admit that there really is decent food in the world."

"How's your pain?" Teddy was already going over the notes the nurse left in his chart, wanting to see for herself that he really was almost ready to leave. "On a scale of 1-10." She clarified as she listened to his chest.

He waited until she'd put her stethoscope back around her neck before answering her question. "Seven, maybe."

"Which is why we were hoping..."

"I can change what you're on." Teddy offered. "But as far as upping the dosages, I don't think that's going to help you get to where you want to be." She pointed out, writing a few things down in his chart. "You have to remember just how much you've been through. It's going to hurt for a while. I don't like you having pain that high, though. Not at this point. So I'll see if something different will work a bit better for you." A few more things were scribbled down before she put it aside. "I would like to see you up and walking around some today. I think it would really help."

"What about leaving?" Derek asked even though he knew the question would annoy his wife.

"You're not ready to leave." Meredith frowned, looking to the other doctor in the room. "Tell him he's not ready to go home."

"Tomorrow, maybe." Teddy offered. "If your labs are still the same, and you're able to get up on your own I don't see any reason to keep you here. But you're going to have to really take it easy. I don't want you going up and down stairs for another three days, at least."

"I've got a whole list of surger..."

She didn't even let him finish his thought. "You need to clear your schedule for the month, Derek." Teddy hated being the bearer of bad news, but someone had to do it. "I can't clear you for another four weeks, and that's assuming that your recovery goes well."

"Four weeks is a long time." He sighed, going over all of the cancellations in his mind.

"It's the time you need to get back to where you were before any of this happened." She pointed out.

"And less than last time," Meredith added, hoping it would remind him that it wasn't as bad as he thought. "Plus, more time to learn to like salad."

He smiled. He couldn't help it. Even if he was bitter about putting his life on hold once again, he couldn't be upset with Meredith. "More time to try all of the restaurants we have by the house."

"I'm going to have the nurse re-draw your labs in the morning." Teddy re-directed attention back to matter at hand. "We'll go from there."

"I don't want him leaving here just for the sake of leaving." Meredith pointed out, getting serious for a moment. If Derek wasn't going to take his recovery seriously, she would be sure that she filled that role. Someone had to get him well again, and she knew he was the type to do far too much too fast. Luckily for now, the pain kept him obedient to doctor's orders.

Teddy was already headed out the door. "I don't discharge patients just for the sake of getting an open bed. You should know that."

"You drive a hard bargain." Derek couldn't help but grin in amusement at his wife when they were alone again.

"What?"

"You make it hard for people to do their jobs." He pointed out. "With the bossy act and all."

"Someone has to make sure you're alright, Derek. Obviously you're not going to be the one and speak up." She pointed out. "I don't want you having to be re-admitted in a day or two because you weren't ready in the first place. I want you to actually get well."

"I'm going to get well, Mer."

"You're right." She got up to turn the light off. "Because I'm going to make sure of it. Now rest. Please."

He didn't argue with her. Even if he'd slept for hours, he didn't argue. The pain was easier to forget when he was sleeping. Even if he'd enjoyed the time they'd spent bantering back and forth, he was growing weary of the aching in his chest. "You too." He mumbled before closing his eyes. "I want you resting too."

"Scout's honor." She smiled as she sat back down. Meredith knew he was right. Even if she didn't want to listen to his requests for her to sleep, she knew she should. He would need her help when they went home, and she'd be no use to him if she wasn't taking care of her own needs as well.

**Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter. Please please please keep them coming!**


	10. Remembering the Pain

**I wasn't going to update again today, but This update is for **aimeecastleberry **who left me a great review for the last chapter. Thank you :)**

**Okay, three things:**

**When this was originally written, I discovered that somehow or another my dates got off with Grayson's death and Meredith's pregnancy. I'm not quite sure how, because I very carefully planned it all out. That was a year ago, though, and somewhere there was a mistake. I apologize for that. Instead of going back and changing, I'm hoping you guys will just pretend it works. :) So moving forward, Meredith is about 12 weeks pregnant here, and I'm going to say about 6 months from her accident. I think I was off about 2 months. Oh well. :)**

**Second, from this point on, some things from the last version of the story will change. Originally, some of you guys suggested Derek should have a permanent heart condition from his surgeries. I had never thought of that prior to those suggestions. I took a poll, it was pretty split, and I made a decision based on that. Despite the fact that Shonda Rhimes seems to have NO problem making all sorts of crazy crap happen every five minutes on the show, it's hard to find a balance in writing stories. So I'm going to see how it goes with that idea. Clear as mud, right? :)**

**Please feel free to let me know what you think about that. **

**This chapter takes a big shift, but I think it is necessary, for the movement of the story...and to sort of remind everyone of just how recent everything was and how far they still have to go in order to really heal from everything.**

"Have you thought at all, about names?"

"For the baby?" Derek was glad to be home. Even if he still had a long way to go in recovering from what had happened, he was glad to just be back in his own space. Bed would have to wait, considering Teddy's strict orders that he stay away from the stairs for the time being, but the couch was still a step up in his mind from the crappy hospital bed he was spending his nights in. He'd have a follow-up appointment, later in the week, to determine how his heart was functioning and if there was any fluid or infection left, but for the time being he was putting it to the back of his mind.

Meredith gave him a face, knowing he was just giving her a hard time. "I was thinking, that the baby needs a name."

"Hard to say," He pointed out. "Before we have the gender scan, I mean."

"Suppose we had a girl." She snuggled up there with him, tucking the blanket under her feet.

"Who says it's a girl? Could be a boy." He teased, sliding his arm around her. He did it carefully, to avoid more discomfort to his already aching chest.

"It was just a question, Derek. About names. That's all. A question about names. What you would name the baby if we had a girl?" Meredith sighed.

A frown settled on his face with her sudden change in tone. "Mer..."

"Look, if it's a problem to discuss it..." She got up, tossing the blanket onto him. "Just forget I asked."

"Meredith..." His confusion melted away when he realized what was going on, and he became frustrated when she moved out of the reach of his hand.

"Forget it, I said." She was not about to let him see the tears in her eyes, not about to admit that it still hurt. It hurt that their son was gone. Every day. It hurt, every day. It wasn't something you just snapped your fingers to forget. And she didn't want to talk about having another son.

"Let me..." He sighed, giving up as she walked away. It was the only thing that could divide them. The death of their son was the only thing that had the power to truly come between the two. Meredith opened up to him about a lot of things, but Grayson wasn't one of them. In fact, they rarely discussed it at all. It was an unspoken truth, for both of them. There was still pain from the death of their baby, but they didn't know how to deal with it together. So they left it alone. Moved forward, as if it wasn't still wasn't painful.

Only, it did. It did still hurt. It hurt Meredith more than anyone could ever understand. She'd been out that day, when Grayson was born. She hadn't been able to see him, dead or not. She'd never been able to hold her baby. Not like Derek had. So in a way, there hadn't been closure for her. In a way, it was hard to remember that he was gone. As silly as that sounded. Sometimes, for moments, however brief...her mind thought about what it would be like...to have him in her arms. To watch him grow up. To say goodbye. She wiped tears away from her eyes as she closed the bathroom door, sinking to the floor. In a way, she'd never be the same again.

Derek knew better than to pressure her to talk. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't go after her, so he gave her the space she appeared to need. His eyes closed as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. It hadn't been easy for him, either, to lose something he'd been so sure they had. Sure, he'd been able to say goodbye to their son, but that didn't heal the empty space left in his heart. In fact, he'd never forget the moment he sat in that dark and empty room, crying over the life taken too soon, crying over the innocent child in his arms. That was something that left him a changed man. That took a part of him away. And nothing could ever replace the son he'd had first. No baby, girl or boy, would fill that void. He still hurt too, a lot. But he hid his pain. It was better that way, better than admitting that the death of a child had left him broken. People expected the two of them to be okay. They expected that they had just moved on. It just wasn't something they talked about. They got up each day and put one foot in front of the other. They went through the motions. They enjoyed what they could, looked forward to the future, hoped for a different outcome this time. But Grayson...he would always be a part of them. That loss would always be part of their story.

"Meredith..." He opened his eyes at the sound of her footsteps, giving her a half smile when she appeared.

"It's going to be a girl." Her voice was quiet.

"Okay."

"There's no need to talk about names for a boy, because it's going to be a girl."

"Okay."

She appreciated that he didn't push her, that he didn't try to fix her. She didn't need fixing. "How's your pain?"

"I'm okay, Mer."

"I know you're okay." She playfully rolled her eyes as she sat back down, trailing her fingers over his shoulder. "I'm not asking if you're okay. I'm asking what kind of pain you're in."

"Hurts a little." He admitted, hoping to pacify her. "Not too bad."

Meredith accepted his answer, pausing with a silence that left the house so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. "Lexie called me today. To check on you. To tell me how she was. Said Ella's moving a lot. They think she's going to be okay. I mean, in terms of not being born on time."

Derek watched her as she paused, reaching down and grabbing her hand. Now he knew. He knew why she'd been triggered, why she'd been set off so easily. Still, he let her come to him. He wanted to give her a chance to open up.

"I remember, how it used to feel when he moved."

"Grayson." Derek used their son's name for her. She rarely let it out of her mouth anymore.

"I never did understand why Lexie got to be pregnant. At first, when she told me. I was so angry..."

"Mer..."

She knew he was confused. Meredith knew it wouldn't make sense to him, why she was bringing it all up now, suddenly, six months later. But the phone call with her sister had reminded her what that felt like. And even if she was pregnant now, that didn't make up for it. It wasn't the same. This pregnancy, this baby, couldn't replace the baby she lost. "It's just...I used to think about him. When I felt him move, when he would kick, I would imagine holding him, and rocking him, feeding him...watching him grow."

There was a part of Derek that would always be angry, a part of him that would never understand why Mark and Lexie got to have a baby. Their first baby. Granted, he of course never wished the same thing on them that happened to he and Meredith, but he was bitter about it. Even if their daughter faced an uphill battle, Derek was bitter. "I'd give anything, Meredith...anything...to undo that day."

Surprisingly enough, it was the first time she'd heard those words from him. They hurt. They hurt more than she thought they would. "It wasn't your fault." Yet, there was a part of her that thought...maybe it was.

"If I hadn't been so distracted by my own anger, Mer..."

"Derek..." A frown settled on her face. "Look...I'm sorry I brought it up. I wasn't trying to upset you. I talked to Lexie today. She called to check on you. She mentioned Ella. She..." A sigh hid the start of tears, and she looked away for a moment. "She mentioned a baby shower. And it upset me. It just, it brought all that back again. But I didn't mean to drag it all up. I don't..."

"Meredith." He waited until she looked at him. "Our son died. And it's something we don't talk about much. But it's okay, if you need to. If you need to talk, I don't mind."

"I don't want to hurt you." She admitted. "I remember how you used to look...right after. I remember when you used to just lie in bed awake, pretending like you were sleeping. I knew, Derek. I knew how much you were hurting. And I..."

"You were healing." He finished simply. "We both were."

"Doesn't matter. I should have made sure you were okay. Lexie mentioned Mark today. Said they talk about Ella all the time. About her tumor, about the future."

"You almost died, Mer. And you can't compare Greyson dying to their situation. They have a baby that may have a long-term medical problem. But their baby is alive. It isn't the same. Lexie talking to Mark...it's not the same."

"Sometimes I feel like it never happened." She admitted. "We don't ever talk about it...you and I. So it's like..."

"I'm not really a good talker." The obvious was pointed out. "And I'm sorry for that. I don't want you to feel like you've been alone in this."

"Lexie's getting to have a baby shower."

"We'll have one too, Mer." He reached out and wiped her tears away.

"It's not the same." Her voice was barely a whisper. "My baby died. He died, Derek. And he isn't coming back. I never got my baby shower."

There wasn't much he could say.

"I know we're having another baby." Then the truth. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't pregnant."

The shock left Derek still quiet as he struggled to find the right words.

"It makes me feel like I'm betraying him. Like I'm replacing him. Forgetting. And every time I have a doctor's appointment, or someone mentions it, or..." She didn't bother wiping her tears away. "You got shot. And you almost died. I almost died, and we lost our son. And your best friend killed him. And then...just now...you almost died again. I'm tired, Derek."

"Me too." He wanted so badly to pull her close and comfort her, but his recent heart surgery made that impossible.

"I just feel like I need time, to breathe. To get some air, to move on from everything that happened. I was all...whole and healed. And now..."

"I let you down. I've let you go through this alone." The pain he felt for her was far worse than any heart surgery could ever caused.

"No, it's just...this is why, Derek. This is why I made you wait. Why I told you I..." She sighed. "...the house of candles...it was supposed to be the start of something good."

He hated that she was breaking down, but considering everything that they had gone through, he understood it. A person could only take so much. One person could only be strong for so long. And she'd been strong, stronger than anyone else could be. So it was only fair, that she have time to be sad. She needed time to break down, and be free to admit her emotions. Derek just wished he had seen it sooner. He wished he had realized just how close his wife was to breaking. "I'm not going anywhere, Mer. And the house of candles...it was good. It still is. This house, our house...this is where we'll bring this baby home."

She was grateful, for the hand on her belly, placing her hand over his. "I was scared, that you would die. And I'm scared every day, that something's going to happen..."

"To the baby." He finished the sentence for her. "Me too. That's why we're keeping a close eye on things, Meredith. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, or this baby."

"All the good you're doing," She mumbled, finally managing a small smile. "Making people cut open your heart and all. I think you're just jealous of the attention. I think you just wanted to be taken care of."

Derek couldn't help but laugh. Even after everything they'd been discussing, he laughed. Only, it was short lived as he grabbed the pillow she quickly offered, wincing as he pressed it to his chest. "Evil."

"You laughed." She gave him a playful smile despite her watchful eye to make sure he was alright. "I didn't make you. I mean..."

"No more laughing."

"No more." She was glad when it seemed his pain let up some. "Sorry."

And just like that, the mood was light again. Just like that, they were laughing, talking, as if nothing had happened. Derek blamed Meredith's sudden change on hormones. Crazy, wacky pregnancy hormones. As far as an answer for himself...it was the ease of pushing it aside. Pretending like he didn't hurt, like it wasn't still painful, like the conversation hadn't dug up emotions he didn't want to deal with.

"You really should get some sleep."

"I don't think I can sleep right now." He admitted, watching her closely.

She knew the question on his mind. Even if he didn't ask, she knew he was worried about her. "I'm fine, by the way. So if you go to sleep, I'll be fine."

"Mer."

"Really, Derek." She insisted. "I'm fine now."

"Okay."

"Okay."

He wanted to re-iterate the fact that he really didn't think rest was going to come easily, but at the risk of upsetting her more, he simply closed his eyes and did his best to sleep.

"Let me know, if you need anything." She was glad he didn't seem to be stubborn about it. It was hard for a lot of patients to get rest after heart surgery. Something about it just sort of messed with your body's ability to shut off for a while. But she knew he needed it. If he wanted to heal and get back to normal, he needed sleep. His body needed that. "I'm going to go see what I can make for dinner. Crock pot something or another."

"Chinese place down the street delivers."

"You know," Meredith couldn't help but smile, knowing he was doing his best to tease her a bit in an effort to make sure she didn't walk away with overwhelmingly sad emotions and a heavy heart regarding their son. "I managed to eat just fine before you came along. So I can't be that bad."

"You ate like a teenager." He reminded her, opening one eye to reveal and amused look.

"Adults eat pizza." She argued.

"The ones that need surgeons do."

Meredith made a face. "Not everyone who eats pizza is unhealthy. And we can't all be health maniacs like you."

"You're right. I set a high standard." He smiled, closing his eyes again. "Whatever you make will be fine."

"Better be...because you're not getting take-out. Salt and fat, and...non good-for-your-heart stuff.." With that, she headed to the kitchen.

Derek smiled.

**Let me know what you think!**


	11. Fighting and Forgiveness

**I think I'm in love with this chapter. Hopefully you guys feel the same way!**

**:)**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter 11**

"Derek, " She repeated his name for a second time, becoming frustrated at the continued silence. "Derek." And again, a third time.

"I'm okay." _You're not okay, not even close. _But he wasn't going to let her know that. _She'll just worry. She has enough to worry about. _His mind had a grip on his mouth, keeping a seal on his words, for the time being.

"You can barely walk."

"It hurts, Meredith. That's all. I'm in pain because I had my chest cut into. Doesn't mean I'm not okay."

"Derek..."

And that was it. He snapped. "Stop! That's enough, Meredith! You don't have to do that...follow me around and harass me like I'm some kind of disabled person!" He didn't mean to. He never meant to hurt her.

But it was too late. There was a wetness that suddenly found its way down her cheeks, a wetness that she quickly wiped aside. "I'm trying to help you, Derek! Can't you see that?! I'm standing here, watching you hold onto the banister for dear life with your face as pale as our sheets, and I can see that you aren't okay! I'm trying to take care of you! Because you need it! You need someone to help you out! Whether you like it or not, you aren't okay! You've walked like ten steps and you can barely stand. So you can be a jerk if you want..."

"Meredith..." He cut her off, shaky hands pushing with what strength they had left so he could lift his chest from the rail on their staircase.

"Maybe you should sit down."

She wasn't listening. She wasn't listening, because he'd been an idiot. And a jerk. He hadn't meant to. But she was right. He'd snapped at her when she was trying to help. All because of his stupid pride. It was the part of himself he was the least impressed with, that was for sure. "I can make it back to the couch."

"You're about to hit the floor, Derek."

"There's not really a..."

"Derek." She saw it. His crap words were going in one ear and out the other, because she saw his shaking hands, the pain in his face, and the unsteadiness of his legs. "Sit down."

"I can get back to the couch."

"No. No, you can't. Derek." Her pleas with him continued, born partly of both anger and fear. The tears came back as well, the ones she'd tried so hard to get rid of. "You're going to fall. Please."

The break in her voice was like a knife through his chest. He knew she was probably right, and he didn't want to scare her. "Maybe I should sit." It didn't matter, though, what either of them thought. His body made the decision for him. The very leg that he told to move forward buckled against the pain and the sheer exhaustion of something that for most was simple. He couldn't even make it to the bathroom and back. How pathetic. There she was just over twelve weeks pregnant, six months out from an accident that had almost taken her life, emotionally shattered, and he couldn't even pee without her help. She should have been taking care of herself, making sure she was getting the rest she needed, but instead her time was spent looking after him. Babysitting. And he hated it. He hated every fricken second of it.

He was heavy, heavier than she remembered. Her arms reminded her of that, tensing and burning under his weight as he slid to the floor. Not with a thud, though. There was no thud, because she was there. She was there helping him, guiding him to the floor, hoping that by some miracle he would be able to get back up. "I think this is why Teddy didn't want you to try the stairs."

The quiet, careful, and hesitant placement of her words tore through him. He'd caused that. Just another thing to add to the list. He broke her, just like he had before. First he got shot, then he caused the death of their baby, allowed her body to be shattered into pieces, and now this. Now he couldn't take care of himself, and he'd yelled. He'd yelled at the one person who was trying to help him. Stupid Joes. Stupid drink. Stupid sex. Well, great sex, actually. But, he'd been married. If he had just left her alone that night. And, yes. Derek Shepherd was having a pity party. A big crappy pity party. "It's been five days."

"Since you had heart surgery." She rolled her eyes, not at all amused or affected by his gruff and distant tone. "Since you had a tube shoved down your throat because you couldn't even breathe for yourself. God, you're so stupid sometimes." She stood there, looking at him, sort of just shaking her head a bit before she sat down with him. "You can do this if you want, the whole crazy Derek routine...but it isn't going to make me go away. I'm still going to be right here. Just like before. You can't push me away anymore Derek. I'm all whole and healed. And I'm not just a post-it note wife. I'm a real wife. The kind that can't leave."

"I can't get up."

"Not yet."

"Not at all." Her words hadn't phased him, not yet. He was too busy wrapping himself in a blanket of whiny crap to pay attention to anything else. "Can't even walk to the bathroom and back."

"Well, you could have, if you hadn't tried to be an idiot and go upstairs."

"My legs work fine."

"Except for the fact that your heart supplies the blood, you know, the kind your legs use. So no, they don't work fine." Another roll of her eyes.

"How am I going to get up?"

There it was. Finally she could see his eyes, and the regret behind them. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. "I'll bring a chair over."

She was already getting up, but he reached for her hand anyway, releasing a frustrated sigh when he failed to grab it. "Meredith."

"It's fine, Derek. Really." It wasn't, actually, fine. A person only had so much in them, so much to give, and she'd given a lot in the last year.

He looked up at her when she returned with the kitchen chair, as if to say 'now what'?

"I'm not strong enough, to pull you up." Her voice broke a bit when she realized the pain he would go through. It would use up every last ounce of reserve he had left to use his arms to push down on that stupid crap seat of the stupid chair to push himself up from the floor. All because she'd been dumb enough to not think of the chair in the first place.

Derek could see the pain he was causing her, so he forced his snappy remark to the back of his mind, sealing his lips in silence as he took a deep breath. He braced himself for what was to come.

She winced. "Sorry. I'm so sorry." When wet spots appeared in the corner of his eyes and a deep sharp gasp slipped from his lips, she fought back her own tears, doing her best to support his weight.

He was grateful for her arms around his waist. They did help some, but they didn't lessen the stabbing pain that caused him to almost collapse again. "I'm okay." The words were forced, carefully planned, and barely audible, but he knew she needed that reassurance.

"Here, sit down."

"I want to go back to the couch."

She didn't argue with him, not this time. There had been enough of that, she figured, and she didn't really want to listen to any more cross words from him.

Derek was relieved. When he finally slid against the cushions of the couch and closed his eyes, he was relieved. He was never getting up again, at least, not for a while. It just wasn't worth it. "Mer..."

"I know."

He sighed, opening his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry, Derek. I know.."

"No, Mer..."

"Really, Derek. I get it. You didn't mean what you said. I know." She sighed, tucking a blanket around him. "Look, you should sleep. I'm going to try and lie down. Just for a few minutes. We're both tired. And you need sleep."

He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of her footprints against the wooden stairs. Apologies would have to wait until later, when she'd calmed down some, and when he'd regained half of the common sense he had in his mind. Because there was no use talking, for either of them, while he was wrapped up in himself and she was emotionally spent.

******* [break] *******

"Derek."

He opened his eyes, a soft smile forming on his lips when he saw her standing there. It took a second for her to come into focus, but he sat up slowly.

"Careful," She frowned at the look of pain that flashed across his face. "Here, take this."

"Thanks." He was grateful for the pain pills, downing them with the cup of water she offered.

"How bad is it?"

"Maybe a five." It was sort of a lie, but he couldn't take seeing her crushed. "I'm sorry, about earlier. Mer, I..."

She opened her mouth to interrupt him, but sealed it should again when he made it clear he wasn't done.

"I let it get to me. Being in the hospital again, having another surgery, you having to take care of me. Everything." Derek sighed. "I told myself I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I wish you wouldn't bottle things up." She admitted. "I know you like to be all McBroody..."

"McBroody?" He interrupted her with an amused smile.

"You are, all the time." Her tone was very matter-of-fact.

"It's just how I deal with things, Mer."

"I get it." She shrugged.

"But..." He helped her out a little.

"But I got all whole and healed for you. I worked through my crap. I stayed. Even though I didn't want to. And I'm here now, for the happily ever after. You promised." There was a pause, "I just wish you would talk to me, that's all. I wish you would tell me things. I'm always telling you things, things that I feel. And sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm going through things by myself."

"I don't mean to make you feel alone, Meredith." The lines on his forehead became many as a frown deepened. "I never want you to feel alone, especially not now. Not during all of this." His hand found its way to her cheek.

She appreciated his touch. Even if she was sure nothing would change, that he would continue to be the same Derek she'd always known, she appreciated that he was trying. "It's okay. I'm sort of used to handling things, on my own, you know?"

"That doesn't mean you should have to."

"Teddy called here, while you were sleeping." She hoped he would go for the change of subject, because she was emotionally too spent to talk about it anymore. "She asked how you were doing. I told her I thought you were doing okay."

"Meredith," He wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily. "You're so good. Even though things have been hard, and you're scared...you're still here with me, making sure I'm taken care of." His thumb brushed across her cheek.

"It's what wives do." Meredith point out.

"I want to know how you are."

"I'm fine." She made a face. "Don't I look fine?"

"You look great," He smiled, "Beautiful. Just because you haven't had someone slicing your chest open recently doesn't mean you're fine, though."

"I really am okay." She insisted. "I'm feeling good."

"I want you to be sure you're taking care of yourself.

"There's not much to take care of." She pointed out. "I'm not the sick one."

"You're pregnant." As if he needed to remind her.

"Pregnant." She repeated, agreeing. "But not sick."

"Your insides were completely destroyed in an accident, Meredith." Again, like it needed to be said.

"Six months ago." She pointed out.

"Doesn't matter. You got pregnant pretty quickly."

A frown settled on her face. "That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything that I got pregnant quickly." She paused, studying his face. "Does it?"

"It means that you need to be careful, Mer. You need to take care of yourself."

"I do." She insisted.

"You're supposed to have an appointment..." It was as if he'd suddenly remembered. For a moment, he thought about it, trying to pull to the front of the mind what day it was, and what date he'd circled on his calendar.

"Tomorrow." She admitted. Meredith hadn't forgotten, but she didn't exactly see how that was going to work, not with everything that was going on. "But you have your follow-up, and..." Another pause while she thought through it, one last time. "I'll re-schedule."

"No."

"It's not a big deal, Derek."

"It is a big deal. You already pushed it back a week." He wasn't going to back down. "You're not re-scheduling it. I'll just go with you."

"Derek..."

He ignored her frown. "We have to go out anyway, for my follow-up."

"Yeah, but..."

"I'll be fine. You need to be seen."

"It's not even my doctor." She made a face. "She's not even there. It's some stupid guy. A guy." Another face. "What kind of guy wants to look at..."

Derek grinned.

"Stop it." Her eyes flashed an amused look, and she playfully nudged his arm. "Gross."

"I didn't say anything." He chuckled a bit, but his chest protested.

"Sorry," She frowned at his gasp of pain. "But really, gross."

"Again, didn't say anything." It was nice to see her smile.

"You thought it."

"And how exactly, do you know what I was thinking?"

Meredith was happy, grateful, for the lighthearted conversation. "I know you. You're a dirty, dirty man."

"You married me." He pointed out.

"For the sex."

Derek laughed. Really laughed. And he didn't even regret it, no matter the burning that swept through his sternum.

"Sorry, sorry." She tried to put a serious face on, but only succeeded in joining in the laughter for a moment.

"The sex is good." He mumbled, pulling her closer to him.

"Dirty elevator sex."

"We could put it on tomorrow's list."

"Of course." Meredith laughed. "Because you're suddenly going to be perfectly healthy when you wake up in the morning."

"Not healthy." Derek argued. "Just, ready. For sex. Dirty elevator sex."

"Derek." Meredith groaned in his arms, still laughing as she turned so she was looking up at him, head resting on his right shoulder. "You're just torturing me."

"Isn't it fun?"

"Fun would be..."

"Dirty..."

"Okay, okay, seriously. You're..."

He smiled, for a moment forgetting the pain and everything that had happened in the last week. Heck, he forgot everything that had happened in the last year. For a moment, no matter how brief, he looked into his wife's eyes and just enjoyed that time, the time they were sharing together. "I'm great. McDreamy, even."

"Yes..." She smiled. "Definitely McDreamy." Fingers ran across his shoulder. "When you're not busy being McGrouchy."

"That hurts."

"Mmmhmm." She smiled. "Somehow, I think you can handle it."

"I don't know." He pointed out. "Those are hurtful words."

"You love it." She countered.

"Maybe." He trailed fingers through her hair, yawning.

******* [break] *******

"Do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Meredith looked over at him, crinkled paper shifting as she turned her head.

"Mess up the table." He glanced at her hand, watching as her fingers continued to crumple the paper that was meant to somehow keep germs from spreading between patients. He never had understood that, how paper that didn't even stretch to the sides was actually supposed to do any good.

"That's what it's for." She stopped, though. Her hand was still.

"It's for messing up?" Derek smiled. Even if he was tired, he smiled. There was a dull ache in his chest, exhaustion plagued him, and it took every ounce of energy he had to sit in that chair for so long, but he put it all to the back of his mind for the time being. Meredith had tried to convince him to stay home, but he'd insisted on going with her. He wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything, and he knew her well enough to know she'd hide anything that she thought would make him worry. So even though he'd had surgery just at a week ago, he was there with her. The rest of the day would be hell, and he knew he'd pay for it, but he didn't care.

"That's why they put it here," She insisted. "You can mess it up all you want. They don't care." Her nervousness was hidden, or so she thought. She tried to focus all of the fear regarding her pregnancy into him. She tried to just keep a watchful eye on her stubborn husband, knowing that Teddy would kill them both if she found out he wasn't at home resting.

"I see..." He knew better. Derek Shepherd could see straight through Meredith Grey. He knew she worried about the baby, and he knew that the crumpling of the paper was her way of dealing with it. He was nervous too, considering everything. They needed a good appointment. Anything less and he wasn't sure either one of them could handle it.

A knock on the door interrupted them, and the blonde-haired man that entered introduced himself as Dr. Gates, a fill-in for Dr. Davis.

His overly nice and bubbly personality only served to make Meredith more anxious. In fact, she had to force a smile to her face as she shook his hand, distracted as he rattled off a list of questions to her.

Derek could tell she wasn't okay, and the look of confusion at some of her answers made that clear. Luckily she was close enough for him to take her hand, and he hoped it would help steady her nerves.

"Other than the nausea," Dr. Gates didn't seemed bothered by the nerves, or the looks, "Which can still unfortunately be normal at this stage, is there anything else going on that I should know about?"

"I thought it was supposed to stop." It was as if she hadn't heard his question.

She was rambling. Derek frowned. She was rambling because she was nervous. Meredith did that, when she wasn't sure what else to say.

"Usually sometime around the 12th week." Ian Gates agreed. "Which is why I would suspect it should start letting up some soon for you."

"But," Meredith made a face. "This is week 13."

"Not everyone is the same." He pointed out. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about." Meredith repeated. "Unless of course you actually like to be able to eat and keep food down."

Dr. Gates smiled, glancing through her chart. "I'm sure it will pass soon," He repeated. "Your accident was six months ago?" He read through the notes from both Addison and Dr. Davis.

"Dr. Montgomery didn't seem to think there would be a problem with her getting pregnant now." Derek finally spoke up. He could see where this was going, and he did what he could to hold it off.

"There's a note here, about that." He didn't argue with the surgeon in front of him as he put Meredith's chart aside. "The problem is, I'm not quite sure I agree."

"Doctor Gates." Derek was prepared to do whatever it took to protect his wife from some fear-inducing lecture from a man they'd both just met.

"I respect the opinions of the women who have been treating your wife, Dr. Shepherd." He focused his attention on him rather than the quiet woman sitting on the table. "And I'm not trying to scare anyone. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here, and that we're all being realistic. Your wife's body suffered an immense amount of trauma, and that includes her uterus. She barely had three months of healing before becoming pregnant again, and in my book that gives reason to keep a closer eye on things."

"I knew it." Meredith mumbled.

Derek frowned. "If there was a cause of concern, Dr. Montgomery would have been sure to let us know."

"I'm not trying to imply that you should be worried." He assured them. "What I am trying to say is that given the trauma, and the short amount of time before conceiving, we need to make sure we're keeping a closer eye on this pregnancy." His attention was back on Meredith. "Your last ultrasound and labs looked great, and I don't see any cause for concern right now. But I know your schedule is quite demanding, and I want you to understand your limitations."

"I've got a husband that hovers." Meredith pointed out, trying to calm Derek down. He was fuming. She could see that. Heck, she figured even the new guy could see that. So before there were punches thrown, she tried to diffuse things.

"I can see that." Dr. Gates smiled. "Just listen to your body. That's what is most important. Taking small breaks during the day can be a big help." For the time being, he decided it was better to just table the discussion. They could come back to it later, when perhaps she came to an appointment on her own. If that ever happened. He was doubtful. "Has doctor Davis talked to you about scheduling a c-section?"

"I think we're done here." Derek wasn't having any of it. But then again, he wasn't really in a position to run the show, not considering he could barely walk out of the office by himself.

Meredith shot him a look, "Addison mentioned that it was probably a better idea." She bit her bottom lip. "But she said I didn't have to. If I didn't want." It was traumatic, for her to think about another c-section, another surgery. So even though Addison thought it was safer considering the higher risk for uterine rupture, she hadn't pushed it.

"You're at a higher risk, Dr. Shepherd, for..."

"Look, she gets it. We get it." Derek almost growled.

Meredith knew there was nothing she could do, to stop him, so she didn't even bother trying. Instead, she ignored. "I'll discuss it, with Addison." She trusted her now friend's judgement, even if it was just given over a casual phone discussion. Meredith trusted her advice over Dr. Davis, or Dr. Gates, or anyone else.

"Alright." That seemed to satisfy him, for the time being.

"Why do you do that?" Meredith glared at her husband when they were alone again, sliding off the table.

"Do..."

"Why do you always act like such a jerk? Just because you're scared." She cut him off.

"He was the jerk, Meredith. Filling your head with all kinds of crap ideas."

"He was just doing his job, Derek! His job! And you were an ass. Not that I'm surprised." She mumbled. "You seem to be good at that lately." She helped him stand from the chair. "Lets go."

"Meredith.."

"I get that you think you need to be all...macho, and protect me. But I don't need protecting, Derek. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. And he was just trying to help."

"He was an alarmist."

"So that means you should act like a crazy person?!"

He groaned when she flung her arms up, quickly grabbing the counter with shaking hands. A tired and hurting body struggled to stay standing, his heart pounding rapidly in an attempt to give him much-needed oxygen to his wobbly legs.

"Crap. I'm sorry." A frown settled on her face and in an instant her eyes went from angry to concerned. "I'm really sorry. Are you okay?"

"Fine."

His lone mumbled word didn't have her convinced. "There's a bottle of water in the car. You can take your pain pill then if you need it."

"Yeah..."

"I really am sorry." She waited until he steadied his balance before walking slowly out toward the car with him.

He had to really concentrate on every step, putting one foot in front of the other, and he was grateful when he finally slid into the front seat of the car. "I'm sorry too, Mer. I didn't mean to be..."

"A McAss."

A sort-of smile formed at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, that. I didn't mean to be that. I just, I want to protect you. From everything. And..."

"I know." She closed is door and went around, sliding into the driver's seat. "I don't need protecting though, Derek." She said as she handed him the water and pill, knowing he needed it. She wasn't going to give him a choice. "When we get home this afternoon, you need to take a nap."

"I've already put you through..."

"We've been through things, Derek. Together. But none of it is your fault. And really, I can handle it. I just wish you would talk to me, about what you're really feeling, because this crap you're doing lately sucks. It really sucks. I hate this Derek."

"I'm trying."

"You could try harder." She pointed out, backing out of the parking space. "You're McDreamy. And you ruined my appointment."

**As always, I am SO thankful for the reviews on the last chapter. Keep them coming!**


	12. Admitting the Truth

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twelve**

"How's the patient?" Teddy was all smiles as she walked into the room, setting down the paperwork in hand. "I took a look at the echo report and EKG and I want to discuss that with you, but for now, how are you feeling?" She was already taking her stethoscope from around her neck.

"Better," It was the truth. Derek wasn't sure he should say much else. Admitting he wasn't resting would probably just irritate her.

"How's your activity level? Getting plenty of sleep, I hope?"

"He's doing too much." The words popped out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about them, but she didn't care. She'd seen the look on the intern's face when he'd done Derek's echo moments ago, and she knew something was off. She also knew he wasn't going to tell the truth.

Derek gave her a look. "I've been resting."

"At this stage, I do want you taking a short walk every day and getting around the house, but that's pretty much it." Teddy warned. "Your body still needs time to heal. Otherwise you'll be out of work longer." She listened to his lungs, and then his heart, pausing there for what seemed like forever. "Good."

"Good?" Meredith frowned. "That's it?"

Teddy pulled her stool over, taking a seat in front of them. "Your heart is enlarged." She stared with the easiest thing. "Maybe just from everything you've been through, but it's really impossible to tell right now. I did pull your newest labs and they looked okay, but you've got a little murmur going on as well."

Derek frowned. "Something that's going to fix itself?"

"Maybe."

At least she didn't sound totally pessimistic. Meredith was relieved about that. But she wasn't happy that his heart wasn't healthy, and perfect. She wanted it to be perfect again. She wanted him to be perfect again. McDreamy.

"Having said that," Teddy paused. "I want to emphasize the rest. I'm hopeful it is just a temporary result from the surgery and infection, but we're going to have to keep an eye on it. Overworking your system right now is just going to make it harder on you to get back to normal."

"Teddy," Meredith was tired of the formalities, half truths, and tiptoeing words. She wanted to know what their co-worker thought, what she really saw when she looked at all of his test results.

"Meredith." Derek could tell she was worried, and he hated that. He hated seeing her anything other than happy.

"Is the damage permanent?" She ignored him. "Was there a mistake, during the surgery? Did someone screw up? Is something damaged? Stop with the half truth crap. I want to know. We need to know. Is his..." Her voice caught in her throat, and it took everything in her to force the words to the front of her mouth. "Is his heart going to fail?" It wasn't a stupid question. In fact, she knew Teddy had probably thought of it herself when she saw how enlarged Derek's heart was. It was a logical train of thought for a surgeon to take. He'd had two surgeries. There was room for human error. Anything, ever so small, in such a vital organ, could spell catastrophe. And Meredith needed to know. She needed to know if they were in this for the long haul, if he was going to be dealing with this forever.

Teddy paused, making no attempt to hide the fact that she was choosing her words carefully. "I'm an excellent surgeon." She started with what she hoped would lighten the mood, sighing when not even the hint of a smile crossed Meredith Shepherd's lips. "I don't know, Meredith." There, at least she'd been honest.

"It's okay." Derek was the one, this time, to try and diffuse things. He was worried too, but he sorted through things differently than his wife. It took him time, sometimes, to realize the magnitude of a problem, time before things really set in.

"It's not okay!" Meredith insisted, tears stinging her eyes.

"The truth is, I didn't expect this. I should have ordered an echo before you left here, just to be sure, and I didn't." She sighed. "Post-op, Derek, I didn't see any damage. Not that second day. Valves looked good, flow was good, your oxygenation was decent. But you still had a lot of fluid there, and I wasn't taking the time to really look for an error. I don't believe there was one." Another sigh. "Look, we can what-if this to death, but it isn't going to matter. You need time. I'll take a look at things in three weeks and we'll see how they are."

"If he was just another patient, what would you say?"

Teddy looked confused.

"I know you're just saying this, being careful, because we're all friends here. Or, we were. We were friends, before you messed up his heart. Screwed it up. Made it beat all funny and be all crappy, and now he can't even have a regular perfect heart. He has a crappy big fat ugly heart, and you..."

"Meredith," Derek wanted to laugh, but he forced himself to be quiet. Even if it was amusing to him, she was really upset. "It's okay."

"I think it's going to be fine." Teddy re-emphasized what she'd said before. "I really do. It's just going to take time. He had a nasty infection, Meredith, and it obviously did a number on things."

"And if it is damaged..." Derek needed to know. As much as he didn't want to make things worse for Meredith, he needed to know. There was something about being a patient that sometimes robbed you of your surgical knowledge. A defense mechanism, perhaps. He wanted to hear from Teddy, his co-worker, his colleague, his surgeon. He wanted to hear what they would do if there really was a problem.

"We'll have to look at drug therapy, perhaps." Teddy answered honestly. "But I don't want you worry about that. If it comes to that, though, we'll deal with it. I would expect that if your heart still looks this bad and nothing changes, we'll be dealing with moderate congestive heart failure. But honestly, Derek, I don't think it's going to come to that."

He simply nodded. "I'll see you in three weeks."

Meredith just sort of stared at him as he got up, still trying to process everything. Congestive heart failure. It could take his life, as in, end it. As in, no more happily ever after. No more Derek. No more anything. Gone. Dead. He could die.

******* [break] *******

"Baby looks great," The red-headed doctor smiled as she looked through the scans that been sent over to her. "In fact, I think considering we're two weeks out from the procedure and she's not having any signs of pre-term labor, we're probably out of the woods for now." She'd returned back to Los Angeles in the last week, narrowly missing the drama with Derek's health. There just hadn't been a way for her to stay any longer, not when she had patients back home.

"Out of the woods." Mark repeated the words back to her, glancing over at Lexie who was sitting there next to him, listening to the conversation over speaker phone. "So we don't need to worry, then."

"You've made it to twenty-five weeks." Addison pointed out. "Which really, is great. Even if Ella was born today, we'd be much better off than we were two weeks ago."

"Twenty-five week babies die." Lexie wasn't convinced.

"She's not saying you..." Mark sighed, rubbing her thigh. "Lex, I think you're missing the point."

"At this point, Lexie," Addison rescued him. Or she at least tried to, "Considering how things look on these scans, and how you're feeling, I feel pretty confident saying I expect you to carry to term. The greatest risk for premature labor following the type of surgery we did is within the first seven days, and you're well past that."

"Term...as in, thirty-seven weeks, term?" Disbelief was obvious. Lexie had prepared herself, that the baby would be early, that she wouldn't make it to her due date. So it took a moment for things to sink in.

"We'll schedule your c-section for thirty seven, as long as you aren't already having contractions. I don't want to risk a rupture, and that scar is very fresh and new." Addison explained. "So the moment you start having contractions, we're getting that baby out. That's why it's so important that you are really watching how far you push yourself during the day. I want you resting for half an hour at least three times during your shift. If someone has a problem with that, you can have them call me."

"Wait," Mark frowned. "She can't go back to work."

"Not today." Addison agreed. "I'd say two more weeks. After that she's fine, Mark, so long as she follows the guidelines I wrote out. No lifting, no driving, pulling, pushing...limited work is fine."

"Addison.."

Lexie frowned "Five minutes ago you trusted every word she said." She was ready, more than ready, to get back to the hospital. She needed something, to keep her mind off things.

"That was before she started acting insane." Mark hated the idea of Lexie at work. He wanted her home, where he was sure she was taking care of herself.

"How's the baby been moving?" Addison changed the subject. Clearly they weren't going to see eye to eye on the other, at lest not at the moment.

"She's been moving more this week," Lexie rested a hand on her belly, smiling as she thought about how it felt to have her daughter moving and growing inside of her.

"I'm going to try and arrange for Derek to take a look at things in the next few weeks." Addison thought about it for a moment. "Maybe about a month from now. He'll be able to do a better assessment of how he thinks things look from a neurological standpoint, and we can sort of go from there."

"Derek's been in the hospital." Mark wasn't sure if she knew, and he was ready to change the subject.

"Meredith called me." She'd been grateful that they'd thought to let her know. "How's he doing?" Addison hadn't heard from them since the day after his surgery. In fact, she made a mental note to call when she got off the phone.

"He was doing okay when I talked to him yesterday. I don't think he'll be back at work for another few weeks."

Addison sighed. It seemed as if her ex husband just couldn't catch a break.

"He'll be fine," The silence gave away her frustration. "He always is."

"People can only take so much. And Derek's never really been good at the bad stuff. Not long-term."

"Trust me, he's got enough to keep him busy following Meredith around to make sure she's okay."

That reminded her. She needed to call. Not just for Derek, but for her friend as well. Meredith's pregnancy was a precarious thing, both physically and mentally. And she wanted to make sure she was okay.

******* [break] *******

"Addison called here to see how you were doing," Meredith looked over to Derek from where she was, next to him, in bed. Darkness had taken over the room after the sun went down, and she reached over to turn the lamp on. He'd gotten a nap that afternoon after they came home, and he'd been resting in bed ever since, so she was satisfied. It hadn't been fun, to help him up the stairs, but it was worth it to be able to sleep there next to him.

Derek opened his eyes, glancing over at her. She always looked so beautiful, he noted, even in a wrinkled white t-shirt she'd dug out of his drawer, even with disheveled hair from her nap. "What did you tell her?"

"The truth." Meredith hated the truth. She hated it. The truth was, his heart wasn't perfect. Not like it should be. It was damaged. Her McDreamy had a McDamaged heart. And she hated it. Seriously, hated it.

"Mer.." Derek couldn't stand the fear in her voice, the pain hidden behind the mask she so desperately tried to wear in front of him. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to be fine."

"Yeah." Clearly she wasn't convinced. "You don't know that."

"I do know that." He knew there was no use in even trying, though. She wasn't going to be receptive to what he was saying. "Did you ask her what she thought about the c-section?"

The change of subject worked, for the time being. "She said that it would make more sense, risk of rupture and all, for me to have one." There was a pause. "But she said I didn't have to."

"Said you didn't have to, how, exactly?" He was trying to sort through just how much of the advice she'd actually listened to.

"She's worried that it would be traumatic. Trigger some sort of giant jenga collapse. You know,pull the wrong piece and all."

"Jenga..." Derek grinned.

"I'm serious."

"It sounds very serious."

"Really." Meredith made a face. "Addison said she was worried about my emotional state."

Derek frowned in silence.

"But I told her my emotional state was fine. Whole and healed."

"Meredith." That was a half truth. They both knew it.

"I told her I didn't want a c-section." She sighed. "I hate surgery. Or, having surgery. The thought of having surgery. Whatever."

"You never told me."

"You never asked."

"Meredith."

"You never asked, Derek. You've been so busy with..." She sighed.

"Mer."

"You never talk, Derek. About anything. You act like your talking. You go through the motions of talking, but you don't actually do it, the talking. You just pretend."

"I pretend to talk?"

His amusement irritated her. "This is important." Another pause. "I feel like you're falling apart."

"I'm not falling apart, Mer."

"You are. You keep acting like you're not, like you're just over everything, but really you're falling apart. And you've been such a jerk lately."

Derek watched her. For a moment he just watched her. She was right. As much as he didn't want to admit it, she was right. He needed to open up to her, to tell her what he was thinking, and how he was feeling. Otherwise he was going to keep being the same jerk that made her sad, the same jerk that made her cry. "I'm sorry."

"I expect it."

"Grayson died. He died, Meredith. And I feel like it's my fault. I got angry that day about something so stupid. I've always trusted you, always. And I acted like I didn't. I..." A pause allowed him to gather his thoughts. "I wasn't looking. I wasn't paying attention."

"It wouldn't have mattered." Her voice was quiet. He was really going to open up to her. In that moment, Meredith Grey realized just how scary that was.

"I might have seen..."

"Mark ran a red light." She reminded him, memories flashing through her mind. Instinctively, her hand found its way to her stomach.

"When Addison told me he was dead...something inside of me broke. I'm not sure that it has ever been the same. And I thought you were going to die too."

She hated the tears that filled his eyes, but Meredith was smart enough to know that saying less was better. If she opened her mouth too much she would cry, and crying would just make him stop talking. So she settled for taking his hand. If he talked, actually told her how he was feeling, they could get through this together.

"Gary Clark tried to kill me. Which was bad. But I can get over that. I have, I did, get over that. He was just a crazy man who wasn't thinking clearly. He...his wife died. Or, I guess I..." Derek sighed. "He was in pain. So I get that. I do. I almost died, which is fine. But, our baby died. He died." He felt like such a big dumb idiot for sounding like such a girl, but he kept talking anyway. Kept whining, rather, or at least that's how he saw it. He wasn't used to feelings. Derek didn't do feelings. Not like this. It made him pathetic, he figured.

"I know."

"I miss him just like you do, Mer. Every day. And I've tried to be strong for you. I had to be, in the beginning, because you were dying too. I felt like my whole life was being taken away. I couldn't tell you how I felt because you were so sick." He sighed.

"You could have told me."

"I didn't know how. I didn't even know where to start. I wasn't even sure I wanted to try again, for more kids."

"But..."

"I wasn't sure, Mer. Because I couldn't go through it again."

And she'd thought she was the only one. Tears stung her eyes. She pushed them away.

"When you got pregnant again, I..." He placed his hand on top of hers. "I can't wait, to meet this baby. But I'm scared to death. Every time you're sick, every time you're tired...when you get in the car to go to work, when you work a long shift..." Derek sighed. "I worry so much about you, and about this baby."

"But you tell me all the time it's fine...I'm fine."

"I say that so you won't be scared. I want to protect you, Meredith."

"I don't need protecting, Derek. I need you."

"I know. I get that. Now I do. Look, Mer, when I went back in the hospital this time, I really thought I was going to die. And the thought of you being here alone to raise our baby, it killed me. I was scared out of my mind."

"Why didn't you just say that? Why is it so hard for you to say you're scared? You're so stupid sometimes."

"I'm telling you now. Some days I don't know how I..."

"It's hard." She finally interjected more than a simple response. "We lost a baby. Grayson. We buried our son together. And it hurts."

"It does." Derek agreed. "It hurts. It really..."

"Freaking, hurts."

They cried there together for a while. It was a moment that should have happened months ago. It was a moment that Meredith hoped would help heal them, heal him, and let them move forward. Because she was sick and tired of hurting by herself, and watching Derek slip away.

"We should plant a tree." When the tears had stopped and after a few minutes of quiet, Meredith spoke.

"A tree?" He seemed confused.

"I've heard of people doing it." She explained. "Planting trees when someone dies. We could plant a tree, and watch it grow. For Grayson."

Derek smiled. It was ever so slight, but he smiled. "There's a nice spot in the backyard."

"So you don't think it's stupid?"

"It's a great idea, Mer."

She was happy. For the first time in the last week, things felt right again, and Meredith felt happy. She felt safe again in his arms. They had a long way to go, but this was a start. "We'll have to pick it out together."

"We can go next week. I'm under strict orders to be an invalid."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, and since when do you actually listen to anyone?"

"I figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea, to wreck my heart."

"Derek..."

He could hear the question in her voice. "It's not going to be permanent, Meredith. My heart's in good shape. I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"I can. I am."

"Derek."

"Even if it isn't," He pulled her close, fingers trailing through her hair, "We'll work through it together. No matter what. I'm here with you. And I'll talk. I'll drive you crazy, with all of my talking."

Meredith smiled at his joke. "I just, I can't go through anything else Derek. I can't see you like that again. I need you to be okay. I need your heart to be okay. And Teddy said it was enlarged, and..."

"I'm telling you, Mer. We're going to go back and it's going to be good as new."

"You're saying that because you're scared. And because you don't talk."

"It is a little scary." He admitted. "But I'm talking to you right now. And if I'm wrong, we'll still be alright. We'll get through it, whatever it is."

"Moderate congestive heart failure." She thought back to the appointment earlier in the day.

"If it doesn't look better when I go back. If."

"Yeah, but...moderate heart failure. That's...it...usually..."

"I know, Mer." He sighed, wishing that his presence alone was enough to calm her. "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what, I'll face it. I'll fight. I'll be right here with you."

"Good, because it would really suck to raise McBaby without you."

Derek smiled. "Surely we can think of a better name than that."

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews!**


	13. Planting Hope

**This update is for ****aimeecastleberry because your review made me laugh, and for rannisaurus for your consistent reviews. Two in one day! If I keep this up, you guys will have to wait. Haha. I am writing chapter 20 now. **

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"We need one with flowers," Meredith broke the silence in the car, glancing over at her husband as they pulled into the parking lot of the nursery. "Something with flowers." She repeated, her slightly shaky voice doing a poor job of hiding her emotions. Hormones would do that to you. Not that losing a child wasn't pain enough, but Meredith was usually pretty good about shoving that pain somewhere down deep inside on a day to day basis. Pregnancy changed that, though. Or perhaps it was that her son was at the front of her mind as they ventured out together to pick out a tree for him.

"Whatever you want is fine, Meredith." Derek could tell it was hard on her. It was hard on him too, to go through the motions of planting a tree for a son they would never meet. Meredith had never even touched him. Her own son. He sighed at the tears that made their way down her cheeks. "We could do this another day, if you want."

"No, we can't." He'd be going back to work in a week, if all went well at his next appointment with Teddy. Things would get crazy again. There wouldn't be a lot of time for them to go pick out a tree together. Plus, he had to take it easy. He had to pace himself. So no, they couldn't wait. "And it isn't just whatever I want, Derek." She frowned at him. "We're supposed to do this together."

"I didn't mean..." There was no use in arguing with her. "We'll pick it out together, Mer, I promise." He took an opportunity to look into her eyes, hand resting on her cheek. "I just want to make sure you're ready to do this."

"I'm okay." She insisted.

"Okay," He smiled, brushing his thumb over her skin for a moment. "I love you, Meredith Grey."

"Shepherd." She reminded him, finally returning the smile he was offering.

"It was Grey when I met you." He reminded her. "It will always be Grey to me."

"Derek Shepherd..." Meredith grinned, obviously teasing him. "Are you saying I'm not good enough, to have your name?"

"I'm saying I loved you from the moment I met you."

"Cheesy." She almost laughed.

"I loved you before. And I love you now. Shepherd, Grey...doesn't matter. I love you, Meredith. So your last name, it makes no difference to me. We were married before, you know." He finished with that same goofy Derek grin, despite her interruption. "And not cheesy. True. And you love it."

"Post-it marriage." She kissed him. "And I do...love it."

"You stay right there." He took the keys out, shoving them into his pocket before getting out and going around, opening her car door.

"What is it that you want?"

A confused look crossed his face.

"You're opening doors." She pointed out. "And being all...McDreamy. Clearly you want something." Meredith got out. "Sex?"

Derek laughed, ignoring the uncomfortable pulling in his chest. "I don't want anything, Mer. Just opening the door for my wife."

"So you don't want sex?"

"I always want sex, Mer..." Another laugh. "Let's go buy our tree."

Meredith smiled. "If you say so." She took his hand, locking her fingers in his. "Let me know if you need to rest."

"We just got here." He pointed out. "And I'm allowed to walk."

"I'm serious."

"I'll let you know." He assured her. "But I'll be fine."

"When we get home, you should take a nap."

"I thought you wanted to plant the tree." He seemed confused.

"You can't be outside that long, Derek." Her playful smile had been replaced by a look of serious concern. "Teddy made it very clear. You can take walks. But that's it. I don't think coming here, picking out a tree, going home, digging a hole, planting a tree...I don't think that's the equivalent of a short walk."

"Mer..." Derek sighed. He hated being under such strict supervision. Part of him wished she hadn't been at the appointment. Not because he didn't want her there, but because he was tired of being under surveillance. He really hoped that his appointment the following week would yield good results.

"I don't want something happening to you."

She wasn't going to back down. He'd figured that out. "I'll take a nap." Finally he gave in. "But after that, I want us to plant the tree."

"If you feel up to it." The tree could wait a few days. If he wasn't ready, it could wait. They could just put it in the backyard, and it would be fine.

"Meredith." He stopped walking. "Look at me." Derek waited until her eyes met his. "I'm a big boy, Mer. And I know you're worried."

She frowned and opened her mouth, but he cut her off.

"I'm being careful. I'm monitoring my activity level and how I'm feeling. If I need to sit down and rest, I will. I may be stubborn, but I'm not an idiot. I won't let my heart stop beating." He tried to reassure her. "I made a promise to you that I would take care of myself. And I meant it. Besides..." The start of a teasing smile appeared. "It's sort of difficult to keep going when you can't breathe, you know, with a crappy heart and all."

"That's not funny." She made a face, but there was a flicker of amusement behind her eyes.

"I won't overdue it." He concluded. "I promise."

It took everything in her not to argue with him, but she knew she had to back off at some point. He was right. He wasn't a little kid that needed babysitting. "Okay." Her hand found his again, and she turned her attention to what seemed like the billions of plants in front of them.

It took her a good half hour or so before she was finally able to settle on something. In fact, she might have gone on a little longer if it hadn't been for the slower steps from her husband. "This one." She was stopped in front of a crabapple tree, carefully looking it over to be sure it was the one she wanted.

Derek wanted his wife to be happy. He had given her a few opinions here and there when she'd asked, but for the most part he let her decide. It was a tree they were both going to plant and watch grow, for their son, and that was what mattered to him. What kind they got wasn't important. The important thing was that they were doing it together, to help heal. "Okay." He smiled, briefly looking it over with her.

"You like it, right?" She was a little concerned about the paling color of his skin, but rather than open her mouth and making him feel babied, she simply kept an eye on him. "I mean, do you think it will be okay?"

"It will be perfect, Mer. I'll let the guy know it's what we want." He was definitely growing tired, but he wouldn't tell her that. Half an hour had been almost more than his body was ready for, and he was grateful she'd brought up a nap. He'd need it.

** ****** [break] ********

"You don't need a baby shower." Cristina rolled her eyes as she leaned down to tie her shoes.

"You were going to throw Meredith one."

"Did anyone ask you?" She glared at April.

"No, but..." April sighed. "Lexie should have a shower. It would be fun. We could decorate, and bring gifts...oh! Cake! And games."

"Guys..." Lexie frowned, stealing a quick glance to her sister who had so far been quiet as she pulled her scrub top on.

"He could. And we could decorate onesies. I've seen people do that." April pointed out. "They take that paint, you know like the fabric..."

"She doesn't need a baby shower!" Cristina slammed her locker shut. "Look..." She turned to look at her person's younger sister. "You're having a kid." There was a slight motion to her stomach. "Lots of people have kids. And when you have the kid, you'll get gifts. Plus, you're married to a doctor. He's got money. So you don't need a shower. You'll have the kid, and you'll..."

"Cristina." Meredith knew exactly what she was trying to do, and it was nice. But she didn't want to cause a fight. Not over something so silly. "Lexie should have a shower."

Cristina's eyes narrowed and she looked at April Kepner. "You can plan it."

"What's her problem?" April frowned as the door slammed behind Cristina Yang.

"Look, we can talk about this later." Lexie tried again, to make peace in the room.

"We'll throw you a shower, Lexie." Meredith gave her an apologetic look as she followed Cristina out the door.

"Everyone thinks their kids are special." Cristina glanced over to Meredith, headed down the hallway to find Teddy. "I don't know what makes her..."

"Cristina."

"We were throwing a shower for you because we felt sorry for you. You know, McHusband almost dying and all. And because you're my person, so I sort of..."

"Cristina.." Meredith laughed, shaking her head. "Lexie's having a baby. So she should have a shower."

"And April Kepner...she..."

"I'm okay...with throwing Lexie a baby shower." Meredith stopped walking, relieved when her friend did the same.

"You shouldn't be."

"She's my sister."

"Her fiance k..."

"Cristina..." Meredith frowned.

"You shouldn't be okay with it." She crossed her arms.

"Derek and I are planting a tree."

"He's not allowed to plant a tree."

"For..."

"I did good work on his heart. Some of my best. And Teddy did good work. It's not our fault his crap body didn't do good healing. He's supposed to be resting. Healing. Taking it easy. Fixing his crap heart. The one that I did good work on. He's not allowed to plant a tree."

"We thought it would be nice, to plant a tree for Grayson. In the back yard."

Cristina stared at her for a minute. "You should dig the hole."

"Derek thinks pregnant people can't use a shovel."

"He never has been very bright."

"Cristina," Meredith laughed. "He'll be careful."

"He'll blame me. Like somehow we did crap work. When he shows up here with a crapped out heart because he dug a stupid hole. What kind of tree?"

"Crabapple. Something with pretty flowers."

"We like flowers?" She seemed confused.

"I thought they would be nice, for Grayson."

"Does this mean we're throwing your sister a baby shower?"

"I think so." Meredith glanced down at her pager as it went off.

"Are balloons involved? And cake?"

"Generally people use them. Diaper cakes too."

"Can't April do it? She's the..."

"She's my sister." Meredith shrugged.

"What about games?"

"We'll have to do one or two." Meredith pointed out.

"Just so we're clear. We're doing this because she's your sister. Not because we really like her. Or babies. Or..."

"I have to go." She laughed. "And we do like Lexie. She's nice. And I like babies."

"You like your babies." Cristina pointed out. "I like your babies. Not all babies are the same."

"I bet you like her baby. I mean, she has good genes. McSteamy and all."

"McSteamy is dumb genes." Cristina rolled her eyes. "Just...dumb."

"Grey..." Miranda Bailey frowned as she walked up to the two of them. "Is there a reason that you don't answer your pages now? Something wrong with you?"

"I was just coming."

"Oh, you were just coming." Miranda rolled her eyes. "I guess it's a good thing your patient could wait for you, you know to finish up your conversation and all. I'd hate to..."

"On my way, doctor Bailey." Meredith couldn't help but smile as she picked up the pace, headed down the hallway to check on her post-op patient.

"And you..." Dr. Bailey looked at Cristina. "You leave that girl alone. She's missed enough time around here. She's got enough to make up without you distracting her."

"We're throwing Lexie a baby shower." Cristina grabbed her patient's chart from the desk at the nurses station. "Wanna come?"

******* [break] *******

"Derek?" Meredith stared at the fresh soil, watching as Derek let the shovel fall to the ground. The tree was planted, in that perfect spot of their backyard, the one she'd thought about when she first mentioned the idea to him.

"I'm okay," He pulled her into his arms, ignoring the aching in his chest, and the pounding of his heart. He was tired, and he would need to sit down soon, but for the time being he just wanted to hold his wife and look at what they'd accomplished.

"You're not okay," She mumbled, frowning when she realized his back was drenched with sweat. Derek wasn't one to sweat, at least not like that. She could see the heavy rise and fall of his chest as well, a clear sign that he was struggling.

"Mer." Derek didn't want this moment to be about his crappy heart. He wanted it to be about their son. "Did you read about how long this thing takes to grow?"

She smiled a bit, looking at the freshly planted crabapple tree, and then back up at him again. "I made sure it could grow here. In Seattle."

Derek laughed. "I guess that's all that matters."

"You really should sit down."

"I'm okay for a minute." He looked down into her eyes, his hand brushing over her cheek. "I'm glad we did this." He admitted. "I think we needed it."

"Yeah..." She didn't try to stop the tears that were forming at the corner of her eyes. "We did."

"I'm sorry I didn't think of this sooner. I'm sorry it took so long, and that you had to come to me."

"It's not your fault." She insisted.

"It is my fault, Mer. I've been so focused on everything else, so determined not to talk about all of this.."

"Doesn't matter anymore." She assured him. "We talked, and we have the tree now. It's not going anywhere." Her eyes looked back to it again. "I think we made a good choice." She leaned down to grab the shovel for him. "Really, though, we need to go inside before you end up passing out."

"How are you feeling?" He followed her to the back door, kicking his shoes off there so they wouldn't drag all of the dirt in with them.

"Derek Shepherd." Meredith smiled and shook her head, her shoes staying outside as well. "You are the most stubborn man I've ever met." She declared. "Can't you just let this be about you for a minute?"

"I'm resting." He pointed out with a grin as he took a seat at the kitchen table. His legs were definitely grateful for the rest as he gave his heart a chance to catch up, to give the rest of his body the oxygen he'd been lacking.

"And like I've said half a billion times today, I'm fine." Meredith kept an eye on him while she grabbed them both a bottle of water, tossing one his way. "You sure you're okay?"

"Tired." He admitted. "And I needed to sit down." There. At least he was trying to open up, trying to be honest. It was hard for him, to admit his struggles, but he knew that's what she wanted. "I'm okay though." He looked at her across the table.

She accepted his answer, for the time being. There was no point in pushing the issue, not when he looked like he was telling the truth. "Cristina and I talked yesterday. We're going to throw Lexie a baby shower."

"Cristina decided this?"

"I'm her person." Meredith pointed out, putting her feet up on one of the empty chairs. "She'll do just about anything if she knows I want to."

"So like a boyfriend, then." Derek grinned.

"Like a person." Meredith made a face.

"So this baby shower." He thought for a minute. "Where's it going to be? And when?"

"I don't really know." She admitted. "April was the one that brought it up today. I guess I'll ask Lexie tomorrow."

He watched as her hand rubbed her stomach, attentive enough to pick up on the brief look of pain that crossed her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just, too much digging, maybe."

"You should go lie down, Mer."

"The only person who needs to lie down, is you." She finished off her bottle of water. "Baby and I are fine. I promise."

"Meredith." She didn't look fine to him.

"We could both go." She offered. It would be nice to stretch out on the bed with him, even if she really didn't need that nap. Strange and random pains were often quite normal during pregnancy, so she wasn't too concerned.

He wasn't going to argue with that. If she was willing to rest, he'd go with her. Derek wasn't going to sit back and watch something happen to his wife and unborn child. Not again. "I think I'll take you up on that." He got up from the table, tossing both empty water bottles into their recycle bin before heading upstairs.

**I apologize that this was a shorter chapter. There were things that I wanted to cover here, but I also didn't want to run it together with what is ahead.**


	14. Some Sort of Normal

**I want to thank **anne0717, Caroline Grey, and GayleLynn **for your reviews! I appreciate them so much!**

**If you're reading and not reviewing, PLEASE review. I'm still stuck on chapter twenty...for now like day three in a row. Quality reviews are HUGE motivation to write. **

**I'm not quite sure how I feel about this chapter. I wrote, paused, wrote, took a break, edited, erased, wrote...and still..it seems a bit choppy. It is longer than the last few chapters though, so that's a plus! :)**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Fourteen**

"I have to say," Teddy smiled as she walked in the room where Derek and was waiting, his chart in hand. "You look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you." She glanced around the room. "No Meredith today?"

"She's working," It had been impossible for her to take any more time off, even if it was a pretty important appointment for him. She'd have to take enough time off towards the end of her pregnancy, and she was far behind the rest of her peers. "And I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a compliment, or if you're trying to say I looked like crap before." At least he was in a better mood than he had been three weeks ago. That was progress.

"I guess it depends on how you you look at it." She was definitely happy to see him in a better state of mind. Derek Shepherd was a great surgeon, and a good man, but he wasn't exactly fun to be around when he got into one of his moods. The whole hospital knew that. "How have you been feeling?"

"Better than I was when you saw me in surgery." He offered, watching the same screen she did as she started the echo.

Teddy wasn't going to trust another person's word for it this time. She wanted to see for herself just how his heart looked. "I have a source that tells me you were digging holes in your backyard last week." She turned the screen so she could get a better look at things.

Derek frowned when he lost sight of the images of his heart, but he trusted Teddy. She knew how to make a good assessment and diagnosis, and his opinion really was sub-par to hers. If they were looking at a brain, sure. He would be the bigger influence. But hearts were her thing, so he focused on his excuse for planting the tree, the tree he was sure Cristina Yang had told her about. Meredith told her everything, and he was sure his wife hadn't just walked up and volunteered his bad habits to his surgeon. "We planted a tree in memory of Grayson. I didn't want Meredith digging the hole."

"Derek." Teddy frowned a bit, looking over at him. "Digging holes definitely wasn't part of my instructions to you." She obviously wasn't too thrilled that he hadn't listened to what she said. Still, her heart ached for them. She couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose a child. "What kind of tree?"

"Crabapple. Meredith picked it out." He wasn't much into the conversation, though. Derek's attention was on Teddy's expressions as she finished up his echo, trying to get a good reading on what she was thinking.

"You've still got some fluid there." She confirmed as she put the machine away, tossing his shirt over to him.

He was grateful for it as he sat up, pulling it on. Sitting there in front of his co-worker, shirtless, wasn't exactly a thrill. Not when he'd be seeing her in the hallway every day. It made things a bit awkward.

"But you already knew that, didn't you?"

Derek glanced over to her as he finished buttoning up his shirt. "Still having some difficulty breathing." He admitted. "Not all the time, but often enough. Guess that means you're not clearing me for work?" He sighed, glancing at the calendar on the wall. He'd been out for far too long. Surgery sort of made Derek Shepherd who he was, or at least a big part of who he was. He didn't know what to do with himself when he wasn't working, not for very long at least.

"Actually, I think we could come up with a compromise." Teddy had been around long enough to know that her patient's mental state was almost just as important as their physical state, especially when it came to someone like Derek Shepherd. Keeping him from his job wasn't really going to be a winning formula for any of them. "I don't think releasing you to work is a bad idea." She admitted. "I don't want you pulling forty-eight hour shifts, though. Ten hours, max."

"I can think of quite a few surgeries that take ten hours, Teddy." Derek sighed. He was glad, that she was at least giving him the go-ahead to cut, but ten hours seemed almost like a joke.

"It's not forever." She reminded him. "Derek..." Teddy put his chart down, looking over. "Your heart is still enlarged."

For a moment, he thought about his wife. In that moment, all he could see was Meredith's face. He'd promised her that there wouldn't be anything wrong, that he'd be as good as new. And now...he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "How bad is it?" They were the only words he could manage.

"I still hesitate to say this is permanent. I can't find any damage to your heart, or anything that really jumps out at me that says you're going to have to manage this long-term. It may be that your body is just taking longer to bounce back than we expected. It doesn't look as bad as it did when I saw you the last time, and that leads me to believe this will resolve. But, Derek.." She paused. "I'm serious when I say you need to be careful. I want you paying attention to how you're feeling. If you have chest pains, difficulty breathing, palpitations..."

"I know the drill.." At least she wasn't jumping straight to medication. A prescription would mean she was admitting heart failure. A prescription would mean something serious, and he wasn't ready for that. He didn't know how to handle that, not after he'd promised Meredith his heart would be as good as new.

"I know that you know." She stood. "I'm more interested in making sure you actually do what I'm saying. You're not the best listener."

"I've got a baby on the way." He reminded her. "And a wife that will kill me if I don't take care of myself."

"Good." Teddy smiled. "I'll see you back in a month then. By then we should be able to get a better idea of whether or not this is going to resolve itself. Let me know if you have any problems."

"Dr. Altman..." He stopped her just before she left the room. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled and disappeared behind the door.

******* [break] *******

"So, how did it go?" Meredith was upbeat and peppy when she saw Derek turning the corner. His navy blue scrubs and black shoes brought a smile to her face. Her Derek. Surgeon Derek. He was working again, which meant...Teddy cleared him. His heart was all perfect again. "Surgery?" She was dying to scrub in on something good, and she quickly scribbled the last note in her patient's chart before sliding it aside.

"Craniotomy." He glanced at the clock. "An hour. I'm guessing you want in?" He smiled as he pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head as fingers ran through her ponytail. It didn't matter anymore, if anyone saw them. They were married. Derek didn't care about the looks, or the comments.

"Am I invited?" She grinned, looking up at him as her hand moved to rest on the front pocket at the left of his scrub top.

"Mmm..." He ran one hand down over the small of her back. "I guess I could make room for you. Whose service were you supposed to be on?"

"I was actually just getting caught up on charts. I left yesterday before they were finished. Doctor Hunt sort of let me off the hook, so I wouldn't have to stay late tonight. What did Teddy say? "

"I'll see you in an hour." He smiled, kissing her forehead again before he let her go. The hallway, at work, wasn't exactly the best place to discuss anything. Besides, he didn't want to see that beautiful smile disappear from her face the way he knew it would when he explained that everything wan't quite okay yet.

"Derek?" The smile disappeared anyway. He was avoiding her question. Meredith could see that, clearly.

"Mer," He sighed.

"What did Teddy say?" She repeated the question, more slowly this time.

Derek paused, realizing he wasn't going to get away without answering her. "She cleared me to work." He started with the positives, hoping that would help ease her mind. "Ten hour shifts. Heart was still a bit enlarged and there's still some fluid there, but she thinks it will resolve on it's own."

"That's what she said three weeks ago." Meredith wasn't buying it. She wasn't keen on taking chances with his health, not when it came to things that were this serious. "Did she at least put you on anything?"

"She doesn't think I need it right now."

"Your heart is huge, Derek. And it's unable to even function enough for you to keep up with your regular work schedule. What about that spells good health?"

"Mer, it's going to be okay."

"You're not even allowed to work a full day!"

"I know." He could tell there wasn't much he was going to be able to say, not with her freaking out.

"You promised me it was going to be okay." Her voice was softer.

"And I meant it."

"You can't make promises like that."

"Meredith."

"You can't, Derek." She sighed. "I'll see you in an hour."

"Mer."

She wasn't having any of it, already headed off in another direction as she wiped away fresh tears.

There was no use going after her. He knew that much. It would have to wait, until she'd had time to digest everything, until she'd calmed down a little bit.

"Shep," Mark slapped his hand down on his friend's shoulder before he had a chance to react. "Long time no see. Glad to see you back."

"Thanks." Derek glanced at mark, rubbing his arm. "You know, normal people just say hi."

"Yeah, but we're brothers." Mark pointed out. "And I don't think normal..."

"Doctor Shepherd."

"Dr. Kepner." Derek turned to look at the person who belonged to the voice behind him.

"I...uh...you're back..." She suddenly seemed at a loss for words, taking a step back.

"Spit it out, Kepner." Mark frowned. He couldn't really make sense of that one. Seemed to him that any person five steps away from becoming a surgeon should probably have a little more self-reliance...something. Instead, she always seemed like such a lost...puppy.

"I have a patient...with a brain..."

Mark couldn't help but laugh, even when Derek shot him a look.

"I think a bleed."

"You think." Derek frowned a bit at her. "Where's your patient, Dr. Kepner?"

"No, I mean..." April sighed. "Everyone's been worried, about you. Cristina said you..." She stopped herself when she caught site of the glare Mark was giving her. "We're glad your back." Another pause when she realized she still looked like an idiot. Her face turned red. "My patient. She does have a bleed." She finally handed him over the scans in her hand. "Acute. Following a fall. She's twenty-two. Has a daughter. Bailey said to page someone. But..."

Derek glanced through the scans, holding them up toward the light so he could at least see what they were dealing with. "Meet me in OR three."

"Wait, now?" April suddenly looked nervous.

"I either operate now, or you can page whoever it is that Bailey wanted you to page."

"Right." April nodded a bit.

"Look, Dr. Kepner..." Derek could tell her nerves weren't going anywhere. "Make sure OR three is clear, and I'll go meet your patient. We'll be up in ten minutes."

"Okay..."

"Go." Mark sighed, shaking his head when she finally walked off. "I think you scare her." He laughed, looking back at Derek.

"I'm not a very scary type of guy." Derek couldn't help but laugh too. "If anyone scares the residents, it's you."

** ***** [break]*******

"You get off at five tonight, right?" Meredith looked over at Derek as she stood in the kitchen with him the next morning.

"Technically, I think five a.m. is in the morning," He grinned, pulling her into his arms.

"Smarty-pants." Meredith playfully rolled her eyes, looking up at him. "I won't be home until nine or so."

"Are you hungry? You should eat something, considering..."

"Maybe, a little." She sat down at the table. "I think baby Shepherd is hungry." It had been a long night for her. Morning sickness had seemed to come back with a vengence, robbing her of both comfort and sleep.

"You know..." Derek glanced over to her as he dug through the refrigerator, trying to forget about how worried he was about her considering the rough night she'd had. "We should come up with a better name, for the baby. Baby Shepherd, it's a little long."

She couldn't help but laugh. Despite how she felt, despite everything that was going on, she laughed. Affectionately, and protectively, she ran her hand over her belly, looking down at the small baby bump that was visible through her tank-top. "You should come up with something then, because I'm not so good at names."

"As I recall, you're the one that decided on McDreamy."

"Which is why..."

"I should choose." He finally settled on eggs. It was one of the few things she'd been able to eat throughout her pregnancy that agreed with her stomach, most of the time. "Eggs okay?"

"Baby Shepherd likes eggs."

He loved her smile. It had been missing for weeks, and so for Derek, seeing her smile was incredible. It gave him the boost he needed to keep believing that things were going to be okay, that they were going to make it. "What about jelly-bean?"

"You want to name our baby boy jelly-bean?"

He laughed at the face she made, grabbing a plate from the cabinet. "We're not having a boy."

"Yes we are. We are having a boy." Her argument was firm. "I'm the mommy. I know these things." It had taken some time, but as the days went by, her pain from losing Grayson wasn't as acutely raw as it had been. And she was able to imagine having another son.

"It's a girl, Meredith. Baby Shephe..."

"Jelly-bean." She cut him off.

"What?" Confusion spread across his face.

"The baby...you said his name was jelly-bean. And then you..."

"So you like it now?"

"I could learn to like it. But if he hates it, that's on you." She grinned.

"_She's _not going to hate it. She's going to love it. Jelly-bean is good, Mer. For a girl, or a boy. Isn't that the whole point, to pick a name that works for both? Just in case, since we don't know?" He sat down at the table with her, sliding her plate over.

"It's good. Jelly-bean...I like it."

"Good."

"Yep." She smiled and took a bite of eggs when he finished and put them in front of her.

"Good, right?"

"Jelly-bean thinks it's great." She couldn't help but laugh, glancing down at her belly. "Daddy gave you a ridiculous nickname. So when you get out of here, you can blame him. Mommy tried to reason with him. But sometimes..."

"Meredith..." Derek laughed and shook his head. For the first time, in a long time, things felt right again. Things felt normal, happy.

"And see...another lesson. Daddy gives ridiculous names, and he interrupts. So when you learn to talk, learn from mommy. She..."

"Names everything after McDonalds."

"Not McDonalds.." She was laughing to the point of barely being able to pronounce simple words, wrapping her arm around her belly.

"For instance..." Derek grinned. "McDreamy, McSteamy, McBaby."

"McBaby was Cristina's." She argued. "Mommy's friend, Cristina. And it was actually a collective effort. You'll learn one that is one day. The names, they weren't really my idea."

"Mommy tells stories. Daddy might give ridiculously cute names and interrupt, but mommy lies."

"So does Daddy." She watched as he cleaned up the dishes, tossing them all into the dishwasher when she'd finished eating.

"You should lie down for a while." Derek came up behind Meredith as she got up, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She loved it when he rested his hand on her belly, a soft smile spreading across her lips despite the argument she had against his suggestion. "I'm okay."

"Mer.." His lips kissed the top of her head, one hand gently rubbing her arm. "You didn't get any sleep last night."

"I'm not really tired. And I've got a shift."

"In three hours," He reminded her. "You're exhausted."

There was no fooling him. She knew that. So, she gave up. "I can't sleep, Derek."

"I'll go with you. We can nap together. You, and I, and jelly-bean."

She couldn't help but smile a bit, leaning back in his arms with her head on his chest. "Okay," She followed him upstairs without anymore argument, settling into bed with him.

"I was thinking.." Meredith shifted a bit in his arms, getting comfortable while resting her hand on his torso. "Maybe it would be cool to wait and find out jelly-bean's gender when he's born."

"We already know she's a girl."

"Stop that." Meredith laughed, nudging him. "I'm serious."

"If that's what you want, Mer, that's okay with me." Derek was just the same as he always had been. His goal was to make his wife happy, to do whatever he could to bring a smile to her face.

She smiled and turned her head so she could look at him. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. But if we have a girl, we aren't going to have a room for her."

"Jelly-bean isn't a girl. And even if she is, girls can like the Yankees."

Derek was still smiling, but the expression in his eyes told a different story. The mention of the Yankees room they'd put together when she was pregnant with their son reminded him of what they'd lost, of that tiny baby boy he'd held in his arms after her emergency c-section.

"Derek."

"It still hurts, sometimes."

"Hurts me too." She admitted. It didn't take words for her to know what he was thinking. Derek's thoughts were obvious, or at least they were to her. "Sometimes I still hate that I could never hold him, that he died before we ever got to meet him. I just think...maybe it would be easier if I could have told him goodbye, given him a kiss.."

"Mer." He hated that he'd made her cry, his finger gently wiping her tears away.

"Do you think it's wrong, for us to use that nursery? If we have a boy, do you think it's wrong?"

"I think we put so much love and work into that nursery, Mer, and I think..." He sighed when her tears fell faster. "We don't have to decide now."

"Maybe we could just, repaint. We could repaint, if we have a girl. And..." Her heart was crushed. "Or..."

"Mer."

"I'm just, stuck. Really, stuck. And I hate this. I hate it."

"We're having a baby, Meredith. Bad things happened the last time you were pregnant. We lost a son. But we're not losing this baby. We're going to have a family."

"I hope so."

"We are, Mer. This baby..." His hand rubbed her belly. "This baby is going to be the start of our family."

"I hope he's like you." She whispered, finally wiping the rest of her tears away as she laid her head back down.

Derek simply smiled, rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down enough to sleep.

"I can't sleep."

He didn't miss a beat. "We could talk."

"About what?"

"Baby names." Derek smiled.

"Do you hear that, jelly-bean?" Her smile soon matched his. "Daddy already wants to name you, and you're only fifteen weeks old."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Mommy's just a procrastinator."

"Procrastinator...is someone who waits until the last minute to do things. Puts things off. I'm not one of those." She spoke to her belly, to her jelly-bean.

"She's a dictionary too."

"A dictionary is a book that tells you what big words mean."

"Meredith.."

His laughing caused her own sad demeanor to turn to giggling. 'What? The words you're using are too big. Jelly-bean can't understand."

"I wasn't aware that we couldn't use big words."

"It's just not very nice, that's all." She grinned. "Lets talk baby boy names first."

He laughed a bit and simply shook his head, thinking. "Jacob."

"Or Ethan," She smiled. "And I like that one too. Oh, and Jude."

"Like, Hey Jude? The Beatles?"

Meredith made a face. "Not like the Beatles. So. Ethan, or Jacob."

"Those are nice." He agreed, smiling.

"Two good, solid names. And we agreed. Which means we should stop. Otherwise we could jinx it." She yawned.

"You're amazing. You know that, right?" He smiled, giving her the famous McDreamy look. "And this baby..."

"He's going to be amazing too." She smiled, reaching over for his hand.

For the first time in a long time, Derek felt like it was going to be okay, he felt like they were going to make it. "She's going to be just like you, Meredith. Beautiful, resilient, and extraordinary."


	15. The World in Blue

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Doctor Grey..." Meredith's interns always jumped at the opportunity to work under her rather than her friend who seemed to end up taking over every time she was out, and considering everything in the past months, it had been quite a bit. Cristina Yang made things miserable. Extremely miserable.

"Shepherd."

"Cristina..." Meredith laughed, shaking her head at her friend.

"Her name's Shepherd now. How long is it going to take you to figure that out?" She rolled her eyes, shaking her head as well. "And you think you're a surgeon."

"Cristina." She turned to the intern who didn't dare to even say another word. "I need you to go check on the patient in 204. Mr. Morgan. Make sure the surgical dressing looks good, and let me know what his ICP is."

"Your interns are worse than mine. And you're trusting her to check ICP?"

"It's on the monitor." Meredith reminded her, an amused smile on her face.

Cristina yang still looked skeptical, "Owen brought up the baby thing again. Tried to explain to him that I didn't do babies."

"Derek's heart is crap. Just like you said it would be. Teddy got on him..about planting the tree."

"I told him about the last time I was pregnant. I told him what happened. But he wants a baby. And you're just making it worse."

"I told Derek he should be on medication, but apparently Teddy doesn't seem to think it's important that his heart is actually working."

"When I told him it was out of the question, he tried to tell me that he knew I secretly wanted a baby." She walked with her toward the elevator, not planning on leaving their interns upstairs alone for too long. For all she knew, they'd kill someone. "Who says that?"

"Who doesn't put someone on medication when their heart is enlarged? And he can't even work a full shift. I mean, she told him a week ago his heart was still crap. And he's still walking around, with no medication."

"Owen's too emotional. Too attached to the idea of a family. I'm not really the family type."

"Derek doesn't even act like anything's wrong. He just keeps giving me the McDreamy look and making stupid promises he can't keep. He's going to end up dying. Because his heart is too big and Teddy won't treat it."

"If he dies, you'll probably die too. And if that happens,I won't have anyone to talk to. And then I might end up having a baby. With Owen."

"Cristina."

She shot her a look, one that reiterated the fact that she was indeed quite serious. "I was actually just, rambling. Not really serious. Well, about the heart, I was."

Meredith rolled her eyes, stepping off the elevator onto the second floor just as Miranda Bailey rounded the corner.

"Were you aware that your intern took off my surgical dressing? The one on Mrs. Philips? My original dressing?"

She was fuming. Doctor Bailey fuming, was never a good idea. It was never a good idea to be in the crossfire of that. Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll take care of it."

"The original surgical dressing, Meredith!"

Not really in the mood to deal with the wrath of their boss, Cristina simply walked by the two of them to check on her own interns, sure they were screwing something up somewhere.

"I know, Doctor Bailey." Meredith sighed. "I'll take care of it, I'll..."

"Danged fools. That's what they are. Fools, and with no discipline. No discipline because the lot of you, the ones I raised...you're bad teachers. Terrible. And I don't care how terrible you are, as long as it doesn't affect my day. And this, this does. It does affect my day. So you need to explain to them that there are rules. There are rules for a reason. And if that girl ever touches my surgical dressing again..."

"I said I'd take care of it!" Pregnancy hormones were kicking in, and she surprised even herself when she raised her voice.

"What those fools do, it's on you, doctor Grey! If you..."

"Miranda," Derek rounded the corner just in time to save Meredith from more of the humiliating and less-than-private lecture.

"Rules, doctor Grey. I raised my babies!"

"Miranda..." He frowned.

"And you!" She wasn't afraid of him, eyes meeting his in a matter of seconds. "You better stop treating this girl like she's going to break! She doesn't need rescuing. You go around here acting like she needs a..."

"Knight in shining whatever." Meredith actually smiled.

"She'll fix the dressing, Miranda. And the problem with the interns. Cut her some slack. She's busy growing a baby. My baby." A childish grin made it's way to his face.

"And the two of you think I care." Despite her mumble, the doctor's eyes landed affectionately on the visible baby bump. Her intern, now a resident, she was growing up. Her baby was having a baby.

Meredith actually laughed a bit when she walked away, turning to her husband when they were finally alone. "You don't have to save me, you know."

"I do have to save you," He smiled, planting a kiss on her lips. His hand moved to rest on her belly.

"I have interns to yell at."

"I didn't know you yelled."

"I yell." She argued, resting her hand on his. "When I need to, I yell."

"Just don't yell too much. You might scare our jelly-bean."

"I'll see you later." She grinned and kissed him again before walking off, going straight to room 213, where she knew her intern would still be.

"Doctor Bailey says you changed her surgical dressing." She found her by the nurses station, and wasted no time letting her know just how upset she was. "Do you understand what you did, how much trouble I'm in?! You got me yelled at! Yelled at! And I can't even have coffee now! I'm exhausted, with no coffee, and pregnant, and my husband is hovering, and now my boss is yelling!"

"I'm sorry. I...the dressing...I thought it was supposed to be changed."

"So you didn't bother to read the label?! The one that said it was placed yesterday, in the operating room, by doctor Bailey?!" By then, her other interns had begun to hover, had begun to listen in, but she didn't mind. In fact, she figured it would be good to kill two birds with one stone, or whatever the expression was.

"I forgot."

"You forgot. You're telling me you changed a surgical dressing without reading the label because you forgot?!"

"Dude, just make them go to the clinic all day. That's what I do."

Meredith glanced at Alex. She was exhausted, starving, nauseous, and annoyed. Maybe he was right. Maybe the clinic was a good place for them. At least they would be out of her hair. "You know what? Doctor Karev is right. The three of you..." She turned to them. "You're in the clinic, until further notice, until I'm able to trust that you're not going to make mistakes like that again."

"Doctor Grey..."

"It's doctor Shepherd." She put a hand on the counter to steady herself, dizziness seeming to sweep over her out of nowhere.

"You should eat something, before you pass out." Alex was eyeing her carefully.

"To the clinic, now!"

"Look, I'll take them." Finally, Alex got up and took matters into his own hands, before things could end up being any more out of control. "The three of you really are stupid, aren't you?"

"She's worse than Yang." One of them mumbled under his breath.

"Dude..you do realize that she's pregnant, right? Pregnant chicks are hormonal. The sooner you learn not to mess with her, the better. Otherwise, you're in for a long five months."

******* [break] *******

"Hey."

"Hey." Meredith smiled when she saw Derek that afternoon, taking his hand when he sat down next to her in the waiting room of her OBGYN's office. "I didn't think you were going to be able to be here."

"I rearranged my schedule." He brushed his thumb across her hand. "There's no way that I'd miss this, Mer. Not something this important."

"It's just an appointment. I have a lot of them, you know. I know your surgery was important. Jelly-bean and I would have understood. In fact, we sort of assumed you wouldn't come."

"Jelly-bean assumed I wouldn't come?" Derek laughed, following her to the back when the nurse called her name. "We're in this together, Mer. I don't want you to think you have to do any of this alone."

"Well we're glad you're here." She settled onto the exam table after the nurse got her vitals and her weight. Luckily for both of them, and for the surgery Derek still had to perform, they didn't have to wait long.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd."

The man that greeted them was someone she'd never seen before, and an instantly uncomfortable Meredith made a bit of a face, though she tried not to let her confusion show.

"I'm Joseph Carter. Did the nurse explain to you that our office staff has changed?"

"No..." Derek spoke up for his wife. "When we made this appointment, no one said anything about there being a different doctor."

"I apologize." He shook both their hands. "I'm taking over the practice here. We're a large group and many of our staff moved to our other office over the last month." Despite how completely shocked they both seemed, he wasted no time trying to catch up on things. "I understand this is your second pregnancy?"

"I'm sorry. I just, we don't really know you. And no one informed us that there was a change. And you seem to go through doctors a lot here. I saw doctor Davis. And then someone else. And now..."

"I do apologize, Mrs. Shepherd, once again. I'll be sure to let our front desk know about the mistake. There was a letter sent out informing our current patients of the changes, but perhaps you were missed. If you would like to see Dr. Davis, you're welcome to. You would have to schedule those appointments at our other office. "

Derek glanced over to Meredith, trying to be sure that she was okay with the idea of a stranger taking over her care. "I think it would probably be nice for both of us, if we could see your qualifications, when we leave. No offense. It's just..."

"You want the best for your wife." Doctor Carter smiled, obviously not offended. "I do understand your concern, Mr. Shepherd. I can get you as much information as you feel you need." He turned his attention back to Meredith. "I've gone through the history of your last pregnancy, as well as the notes in your chart from this pregnancy. Have you been feeling alright in the last month?"

"I've been good." Meredith's answer was short as she still tried to decide if the man in front of her was someone she wanted delivering her baby. She'd been used to doctor Davis, and fine with someone else filling in for just one appointment. But it was a big deal for some man to just take over her care. "I've...just...things are good."

"So, nothing that we should be concerned about?" He was already examining and measuring her belly, and soon moved on to pulling the ultrasound machine over to her.

"She's still having a lot of nausea." Derek answered for her, knowing she wasn't really in a position to speak up.

"Unfortunately, some women experience nausea throughout their entire pregnancies." He glanced to both of them before turning his eyes to the screen as he waved the wand over her belly. "You're over sixteen weeks though, so I'm hoping things will start calming down for you. This is the time when pregnant women usually feel really great. Dr. Gates made some notes of your continued nausea at your last appointment. I don't think it's anything to be concerned about."

"Does everything look okay?" She was too nervous to wait for him to say something.

"Everything looks great." Dr. Carter smiled. "Do the two of you want to know the sex of the baby? I've got a pretty great view from here."

For a moment, Meredith simply looked at Derek, without saying a word. She wanted, first, to hear his opinion. There were so many other things that were centered around her. For once, she wanted to let her husband decide.

"You said last week, that you wanted to wait." He reminded her.

"I did." The excitement though, of being able to find out, was already catching up with her. "But, do you?"

"I want you to be happy, Mer." Derek smiled, holding onto her hand. "If you want to wait, we'll wait. If not, we can find out now." It didn't matter to him. As long as both Meredith and their baby stayed happy and healthy, he'd be happy.

"I'd like to know." Her decision came after a long drawn-out silence, and she turned her eyes toward the screen she couldn't quite see considering the angle.

Doctor Carter knew he didn't have to say too much as he turned the screen so they could see. They were both doctor's, but he pointed out the obvious answer anyway, "This baby is definitely a boy."

"Really?" She sounded hesitant, wiping away the tears that instantly made their way to her eyes. A boy. They were going to have a boy. She was going to be able to give Derek the son they'd so longed for, the son that she never thought they would have, not after Grayson.

"Looks like you were right, Mer." Derek smiled through his own tears, reaching over to take her hand. The moment wasn't anything grandiose. It wasn't some big dramatic song and dance. It was simply a quiet whisper between husband and wife, a healing conversation exchanged between the two of them. "Perhaps Jelly-bean wasn't the best name." He teased, brushing his thumb across her hand.

Meredith took a moment before saying anything else, eyes still studying the image on the screen as her free hand moved to rest on the side of her belly. She let go of Derek's hand, but only to take the printed pictures Dr. Carter handed over to her. The pictures of their baby. Their son.

Knowing it was an important time between the two, Joseph Carter finished up and shook both of their hands. "Congratulations. I'll see the two of you back in a month." He left them alone to absorb everything.

"Looks like we'll be able to use our Yankee room after all." Derek smiled as he watched her sit up to put her shirt on.

"Jelly-bean is a boy." Meredith almost laughed through her tears.

"Which is why we should re-think that whole nick-name."

She shook her head. "No need. We talked about real names." She reminded him.

"We did." He agreed, standing when she did.

"I think we should name him Ethan."

"Ethan." Derek thought about it for a minute. "I think Ethan is a good name, Mer."

"Or, Jacob."

He laughed. "We have plenty of time to decide."

She followed him out of the office.

"I love you Mer, so much." Derek's hand rested gently on his cheek as he kissed her. "I love you, and I already love our son, even if he does have a nick-name better suited for a girl."

"Just, promise you won't tell anyone." Meredith smiled. "I want it to be between the two of us."

"I won't tell." Derek smiled, heading out of the office, hand in hand with his wife. "You know what this means, right?"

"We can't go on a pink shopping spree?"

He laughed. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"What then?"

"We need season tickets to the Seahawks."

"You're suddenly Seahawks fans?" She laughed.

"It's football, Mer. And..." He grinned. "Jelly-bean needs to be well-versed."

"Because our infant will be so deprived if he doesn't see every game." She smiled.

"At least we see eye to eye." He glanced over, smiling before looking at his watch. "I need to get to surgery."

"You're going to be home for dinner, right? Because I was thinking, you should cook."

"No take-out?" His amused grin matched the twinkle in his eyes as he looked down at her.

"Lexie and Mark are supposed to come over, remember? So I was thinking maybe we should act like we can actually use our oven. I mean, they're going to think we're inept."

"Well, some of us are."

"You're not being very nice, calling Jelly-bean's mommy inept."

Derek laughed, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be home early to cook, Mer. I promise."

"I'm holding you to it." She smiled, following behind him. Her interns had been alone for far too long, and after the morning's events, she wanted to be sure that they hadn't gotten themselves into any more trouble. "Good luck on you're surgery." She laughed and watched as he got on the elevator.

"So?" Cristina caught up with her just minutes later. "What did doctor...what's her name, say?"

"She left." Meredith was blunt, glancing through the charts her interns had finished throughout the day. "My doctor left me, and they didn't even bother to say anything. So we have this guy now, this new guy. Doctor Carter. That's his name. He's nice."

"You have a stranger looking at your..."

"Derek asked for his credentials." Meredith interrupted her.

"I can't believe that he even let him near you. Not considering the way he's been all protective over you.

"He's not crazy, you know. Just, worried."

"Like a crazy person."

"Like a husband." Meredith argued. "McDreamy." She grinned.

"McClingy." Cristina wasn't going to give up on what she was saying. In her mind, it had gone too far. Derek was acting insane. He was hovering, and worrying, and clinging. Meredith hated that. And he'd stolen her person. She needed her person, especially with Owen pushing all the time to have a baby. She needed her person to talk to. It didn't help that Meredith was almost just as bad. She followed him around like his heart was going to just self-destruct. "Sixteen weeks, right? So you know the sex?"

"We waited." Meredith hated lying to her, but she intended to keep her word to Derek. It was something they'd decided as a couple, even if she'd been the one to bring it up. She wanted the gender of the baby to be a surprise, at least for the time being.

"Waited until...what?"

"Until Jelly-bean is born."

"You named McFetus Jelly-bean?" A skeptical and disapproving look met the overjoyed eyes of her friend.

"Derek did. We didn't like calling..." She caught herself almost revealing the secret. "We were tired of just using baby Shepherd. So we came up with a name. Derek chose Jelly-bean."

"Does he realize he's already screwing the kid up?" She rolled her eyes, jotting down a few more things in the chart she was working on.

"We aren't, screwing him up." It was too late. The word was out of her mouth before she could stop.

But, lucky for her, Cristina was too busy reading sub-par post-op notes to care. "Stupid interns. Can't even understand what this is supposed to be." She tossed the chart onto the counter. "They're staying late. Definitely staying late. Have you thought about names yet?"

"We were talking about names for a boy, last night." She admitted.

"Whatever you came up with, they have to be better than Jelly-bean. Otherwise..."

"Jelly-bean is good. It's a good nickname for a baby."

"The two of you, you're pathetic. You know that, right?"

"We thought about Jacob."

"Like from that vampire movie? Jacob? They even have shirts. Team Jacob...or whatever." Cristina made a face.

Meredith realized she'd never considered that. "I guess you're right."

"What else? Or was that it? Because I'm not letting you name my..."

"Godchild." Meredith smiled.

"Right." Her smile came next.

"Derek and I both liked the name Ethan."

"At least that wouldn't screw him up."

"I'm so glad you approve." Meredith couldn't help but laugh.

"You should keep thinking, though. Seriously. I mean, a name, it's forever."

"Ethan is something we both like." She pointed out.

"So you're going to name the McBaby Ethan even if it turns out to be a girl?"

"We haven't talked about names for a girl, not yet. But we will. And..."

"Just make sure you're doing this right. Otherwise, you're going to regret it. Really."

"Or, you could just pretend to be supportive. You could be supportive, because that's your job. As my person. It's your job to be supportive." Meredith simply smiled as she watched her friend walk away. For the first time, in a long time, she finally felt like herself again. She finally felt like things were falling into place, like everything was going to be alright. She and Derek, they were having a baby. And he was healthy. He was healthy, and they were happy. In the back of her mind, Meredith knew anything could happen, but she was resolving to focus on where they were and what they knew, not on what could be.

**As always, please review!**

**:)**


	16. Friends and Fears

**Man, I feel like my writing is rusty! I look back at the first story in this series and some of the earlier chapters written here ((all originally written years ago)), and I wonder how on earth I wrote them and came up with the plot. Haha. Hopefully this is like riding a bike and it comes back quickly. Nevertheless, chapter 20 is almost done!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Steak?" Meredith hovered over Derek in the kitchen, arms wrapping around his torso from behind as she watched him season the meat he'd brought home with him.

"Steak." Derek agreed with a smile, glancing back at her. "How was your day?"

"It was good," She watched as he arranged the meat on the plate she'd pulled down from the cabinet. "What about you?"

"It was great." He rinsed his hands off then turned to face her. "We're having a son."

Meredith laughed as his hand found its way to her belly, and she smiled as she looked up at him, her hand resting on his. "Ethan."

"Ethan," He agreed as he brushed her hair behind her ear, eyes landing on hers. "You should rest, while I get the food ready."

"You're the one that should be resting," Meredith argued. "I feel great. Ethan and I both do."

"Mer."

"Seriously."

He couldn't argue with that. Instead, she earned a smile. "At least sit down, then. I'll worry about dinner."

"You should be the one resting," She pointed out, "What with the bad heart and all."

"My heart, is just fine." Derek assured her. "You're growing a baby."

"Which won't be nearly as much fun if you end up back in the hospital again." She pointed out, fingers trailing over her belly. "You've already worked a full shift."

"Ten hours is a joke, Mer."

Her eyes narrowed as she watched him grab the potatoes and onions, obviously having no intention of taking a break. "Ten hours is to keep you from dying."

He couldn't help but laugh, even when he saw the scowl it earned him. "No one is dying."

"This isn't funny, Derek!"

Even her anger couldn't end his amusement. He was in the kitchen, making dinner, with his wife and unborn baby. It was going to take more than a hormonal outburst to wipe the smile from his face. "I survived a bullet, remember? A big fat heart isn't..."

"Derek Shepherd!" She was starting to laugh too, despite her desperate attempt to keep a straight face. "You've got to be the most infuriating..."

"You love it." He smiled as he interrupted, tossing her an unopened bottle of water after grabbing himself one. "Jelly Bean needs more hydration."

"Hydration?" She laughed. "There's something wrong with you."

"According to you...I'm dying."

"Very funny."

"I thought so."

"His name is Ethan, by the way."

Derek looked over to her, pleased she was at least taking him seriously about the water. The hospital was a giant one-stop-shop for coffee and soda, or so it seemed as he walked through the hallways observing the staff. Neither were terrible things, in moderation, but he knew it was unlikely she was getting enough water in her, especially after a long shift. "Is that what you've settled on? Because if we get his name put on stuff and you change your mind, we'll have a problem."

Meredith smiled, leaning back in her chair as she watched the man she loved talk about the baby they would soon have in their arms. Four and a half months was nothing, not considering everything they had been through. "You were going to put his name on stuff? What kind of stuff?"

"Mark mentioned they got a blanket for Ella with her name on it. Lexie made him pick it up from the lady after his shift the other day. I figured most people do that. He needs a blanket."

"You know...I never thought of you as the baby blanket kind of man." She grinned.

"It's for our son, Mer." He glanced up at the clock, figuring the grilling could wait another twenty minutes until after their guests arrived.

"Yeah, but...that's such a McDreamy thing to..."

"Now I think you've gone too far." Derek interrupted, taking a seat at the table with her.

"Wait until I tell Cristina, that you're designing baby blankets. I mean, you could help us plan Lexie's shower too." She teased.

"Very funny."

"Do you like the name Ethan? I mean, really like it? Because I don't want him to have a crappy name. I want him to have a good name. One that most people like. I want him to be the kid in school that doesn't have the strange name. He's already going to have me for a mom. He doesn't need..."

"You're going to be a great mom, Mer." Derek smiled as he interrupted her rambling.

"What if I'm not?" Suddenly she was a bit more serious. "What if I mess him up, Derek? I mean, what if I can't do the whole mom thing? I see moms, you know...at the store..or..at the hospital. And I'm not like them. I'm..."

"You're amazing." He finished her sentence.

"As a surgeon. Or, maybe a wife. A friend." She agreed. "But, I'm...I got all whole and healed, but, not as a mom. I had a crap mom. I mean, she tried. And she didn't mean to be a crap mom. But..."

"Meredith."

"I know." She sighed. "It's just, it's a huge responsibility. And I don't want him growing up with mommy issues."

"Everyone has mommy issues."

"You're not listening." She frowned.

"I am."

"You're not."

"You are going to be a fantastic mother, Meredith Shepherd. Do you understand me? Extraordinary."

Meredith couldn't help but smile. "I hope so."

"And I like Ethan. It's a good name."

She nodded, thinking it over for a moment. "So we should use it."

"We should." He agreed.

"Ethan Derek Shepherd." She said after another moment of consideration.

Derek wasn't so sure, and the look on his face said it all. He didn't have to open his mouth.

Meredith could read him like a book. "I want him to be named after you."

The firmness in her tone left him no room to argue.

"You're..." She searched for the right word. "You saved me, Derek. And you're the best man I've ever met. You...there's so many things about you. I don't meet many people who...this is coming out all wrong." Meredith sighed, looking across the table. "I can't imagine my life without you. And you're so different from most people. Our son should be named after you."

"Okay." Sometimes there was just no point in arguing with her. Derek had learned that along the way. And even though he wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea, there was a part of him that was proud, touched even, that Meredith thought enough of him that she wanted their son to have his name.

"Do you think Addison is going to come here, when he's born?" She could see the confusion in his eyes when she changed the subject. "Sorry. It's just, I was thinking, about him. About meeting him, and holding him for the first time. And, I just want to make sure he's okay. And that nothing happens to him. And all the doctors I see are all worried because of the accident and how soon..." Another pause. "Do you think I got pregnant too quickly? I mean, should we have waited?"

His hand reached across the table, finding hers. "Meredith."

"I just worry. Everyone keeps bringing it up, like it's some big thing. And I didn't think about it. I mean, when I decided I wanted to try again. When we..." Frustration grew as tears filled her eyes. "I wish I had thought about it." Her voice was suddenly quiet.

"Addison's never talked to me about being overly concerned about you being at risk for a rupture." Derek knew that was her fear. That's why he was so angry when doctor's brought it up to her. She had enough on her plate, enough worries of her own, without them filling her head with crazy ideas.

"Maybe because she doesn't want to freak you out. I read in my book, there's some rule. About having a baby after a c-section. You're supposed to wait a year or whatever. Most doctors do another c-section if you don't. So maybe she's just..."

"Addison's a pretty straight-forward person." Derek pointed out. "She's not really into sparing feelings." He hoped his thumb brushing over the back of her hand would help calm her nerves. "If she was concerned about those things, she would have told me. And I talked to her, about the c-section. She does think it is a safer idea, Mer, than letting you go into labor. But there are other factors she wants being considered."

"I don't want another surgery, Derek." Her gaze left his, and she was soon staring at the table, studying the lines in the wood stain.

"Which is why she's not advocating for one." He admitted, sighing. "Everyone wants what's best for you and for Ethan, Mer. And no matter what, I'm going to be there with you. And we'll get through it."

"What if you're in surgery?"

Derek could tell they were in for a long conversation, and he was instantly glad he'd held off on putting the steaks on the grill. It was a relief, though, to have her finally opening up to him about the fears he'd knowing all along she was harboring and dealing with by herself. He'd meant it when he'd made a promise to have more open communication with her. They needed it. "No surgery is more important than the birth of my son."

"I'm serious." Her eyes locked again with his. "What if you're slicing someone's head open?"

"I'll get another surgeon to take over. I'm not the only neurosurgeon Seattle Grace has."

"Sometimes you don't get a page right away."

"Meredith." Derek frowned. "I'm going to be there. I promise. No matter what."

"Your heart's all funny."

"It will fix itself."

"You couldn't even jog more than a block yesterday."

"It's going to take time, Mer."

"Most people get put on drug therapy to help!"

"Which is difficult to wean off of." He pointed out, desperately trying to calm the zillions of fears she was suddenly unloading on him.

"But also saves people's lives." She let go of his hand. "Your heart's going to stop beating, and I'm going to be here, all alone, having a baby and another stupid surgery, with some doctor I barely even know. And I'll have to move in with Lexie and Mark because..."

He couldn't help but smile. "Two weeks. Give me two weeks, Mer. If it's not better by then, I'll talk about medications with Teddy."

"Promise?"

"I promise. And if you want Addison to come deliver the baby, I'll call her."

"She has a job. She has like...a whole practice there."

"She's also very invested in you, and this baby, and I don't think she would have a problem coming for a couple of days."

"Maybe not." Meredith agreed.

"I'll ask her." Derek had already made up his mind. "And when she comes back to follow-up on Lexie, we'll sit down and talk to her about what the best thing is. We'll make a plan, Mer. I promise. It will be okay."

She didn't have time to respond to him. The doorbell rang before either of them had a chance to say anything else.

"Meredith..." Derek watched as she got up and headed to the front door.

"That's fine." She glanced back at him. "I'm fine." She clarified, just before opening the door.

"Hi!" Lexie smiled as they walked in, handing over a white bakery box. "I brought a cake. Chocolate."

"I tried to tell her you don't have to bring dessert when it's just your sister's house." Mark shrugged, closing the door for her.

"Chocolate is good." Meredith smiled.

"We've got beer." Derek came up behind her, taking the cake.

"Great," Lexie mumbled.

"Hey...cake and beer. Sounds like a good time to me." Mark grinned at Derek.

"Except for the part where we can't drink." Meredith made a face, taking the cake box back in a big dramatic motion. "We'll just keep this then. And the two of you," She pointed at Derek and Mark, "Can have your beer."

Mark watched with a confused yet amused look as both women headed off to the kitchen. "Didn't know cake could spark such a controversy."

"Should have been here five minutes ago," Derek chuckled a bit. "That was nothing."

"Remind me again, how much longer the hormones last?"

"I'm not sure those ever go away." Derek pointed out, motioning Mark to follow him as he went to the kitchen and grabbed the meat. "Everyone okay with having their steak medium-rare?"

"As in...still mooing?" Meredith made a face.

"Actually, you're not supposed to do that when you're pregnant." Lexie pointed out. "I mean, with bacteria and all. You're supposed to have it at least medium."

"Two overcooked steaks then, for the ladies." Derek smiled, heading out the door with Mark, meat and drinks in hand.

"See, this is what I meant." Meredith frowned. "I'm not the mommy type. You..." She looked over at her sister. "You're the mommy type. I'm the one that would eat the meat the whole wrong way. You..."

"I read a lot," Lexie pointed out. "And you'll be a great mom. I mean, you already are."

"Are what?"

"A great mom."

"Lexie..."

"I'm serious." She insisted. "You're a mom to Grayson, Meredith. You have been, ever since..." There was a pause as she gathered her thoughts. "The things you've done, the way you talk about him, they show what a great mom you are."

"Yeah..." She sort of just watched her, trying not to let the look on her face show just how uncomfortable she was with the conversation. It was difficult, to discuss Grayson with her sister. Being around Lexie, and thinking of her son just brought up emotions Meredith didn't want to deal with, wasn't ready to deal with. Her sister was marrying the man that had taken a baby from her. It was unfortunately that simple.

"So..." Lexie quickly tried to change the subject. "Did you guys find out of you were having a girl or a boy? Cristina said you didn't know."

Meredith smiled. "Cristina's just mad I wouldn't tell her. I had my ultrasound yesterday." She thought for a moment, about the right thing to do. She and Derek had decided not to tell anyone, but she knew he didn't really care one way or the other. He was just doing what he felt like was best for her, what he felt would make her the happiest.

"So?" Lexie wasn't going to give up, not yet. She gave Meredith a pleading look as she helped set the table.

"I'm supposed to do that, you know," Meredith pointed out. "I'm supposed to be the one to do all of this. You're a guest, which means you're supposed to do guest things. Like, bring the cake."

Lexie made a face, "I'm you're sister. Which means, you should tell me."

"It's a boy." Meredith blurted out. "Derek's already trying to buy football tickets, because apparently a newborn desperately needs to learn all of the key players on the..." She stopped when she saw the tears in her sister's eyes. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just..." Lexie wiped the tears from her cheeks, "I'm happy for you guys. You deserved this. After everything...you deserved a healthy baby. And, a boy...that's just, really cool."

"If you do the crying thing," Meredith made a face, "I'm going to do the crying thing. And then Derek will worry, and I'll be sorry I told you."

"I didn't mean to do the..." Lexie smiled. "I didn't mean to cry. Congratulations. What's his name?"

"I think we're going to name him Ethan. Derek's going to get a blanket with his name on it."

"I know." Lexie grinned. "Mark came home tonight going on and on about how Derek was overly interested in who put Ella's name on her blanket. Apparently he's more domestic than you knew."

"He's just obsessed." Meredith argued, pouring them each a glass of water, "He's obsessed, with his son."

"I think it's sweet."

"We need to get busy, on planning your baby shower."

"You don't need to plan a baby shower for me, Meredith."

"Lexie, I'm your sister. I'm pretty sure that's what sisters do. They plan baby showers for each other."

Lexie smiled, following her to the living room where the two sat down on the couch. "If you want to, I guess you can."

"It isn't really debatable." Meredith wasn't going to give her much of a chance to argue. "All I need to know is when you want to have it."

"We should have it early, just in case." Lexie pointed out.

"In case what?" Meredith made a face.

"In case she comes early. Addison said there's always that chance."

"Derek told me he asked her how you were doing. He said that she thought you were going to go to your due date, or close to it." Meredith seemed confused.

"She's just being optimistic." Lexie pointed out, "They cut open my uterus, Meredith. She and Derek. So I mean, there's always a chance."

"You're being ridiculous. We have all the time in the world. And I think we should do it a month from now. You'll be like, thirty-four weeks. Right?"

"Thirty-three." Lexie said, after thinking about it for a minute. "And that's fine. I just don't want to wait too long."

"Cristina's going to help me."

"Plan the baby shower?" Lexie made a face.

"She can plan a baby shower."

"No offense, Meredith, but Cristina isn't exactly the ribbons and lace kind of..."

"I'm telling you, she's going to help. And it's going to be great." Meredith insisted, glancing toward the back door where Mark and Derek were hanging out. "Is Mark getting excited, about being a dad?"

"I think he's scared out of his mind." Lexie admitted, following her gaze to the door. She could see the back of Mark's head through the glass.

"This is one hell of a house, man." Mark looked over to Derek as he took a seat, opening the beer he'd been handed. "I mean, even this deck..." He looked around at the massive space where they sat.

"It was a hell of a project." Derek admitted. "And investment." He sat down after turning the steaks. "Meredith loves it, though. That's why I did it. It's what she needed."

"She needed a house?" Mark looked confused.

"She needed to feel like I wasn't going anywhere." Derek explained. "The house made it permanent."

"Lexie doesn't want a house." Mark sighed. "She said there's no point."

"You have a nice apartment." Derek pointed out.

"It's not really a place I planned to raise a family."

"If you want to buy a house, buy a house."

"Man, if only it were that easy. I'm sort of on the make-Lexie-happy road at the moment."

"No woman would actually be angry about a house, Mark. If she's anything like her sister, she's just scared to admit that she's ready to take that step with you."

"Says the man who wrecked his marriage and relationship several times."

"Yeah, well, you ran a red light and killed my son." There was a sudden darkness to Derek's tone, his eyes looking out at the newly planted tree not too far from the deck.

An awkward and deadly silent tension crept between the two of them.

"Derek..." Mark finally said something, his voice barely more than a shocked whisper.

"Don't talk about my relationship with Meredith." He stood, going to check the meat again despite the fact he'd just done it.

Suddenly Mark realized just how many unresolved feelings Derek had regarding the accident and all that happened as a result. He sighed, looking down at his feet for a moment. "I've apologized, over and over. And I know that doesn't bring him back. I..."

"Just forget it." The conversation he'd had at the table was at the front of his mind, and Derek found himself finally admitting that he hadn't worked through the emotions of how he felt about Mark and his role in the death of their baby.

"I'm not going to forget it." He frowned. "You obviously have something to say about it."

"Drop it, Mark."

"Shep..."

"I said drop it"! He slammed the cover back on the grill before going inside, door banging behind him.

"Derek?" Meredith frowned as she got up, following him to the stairs.

"Let it go, Meredith."

"Let what go?" A confused frown appeared on her face. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Derek..."

"Nothing happened, Meredith!"

She stepped in front of him when they got to the top of the stairs, glaring. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but I don't deserve the anger!"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right." He pulled her into his arms. "I just need a minute."

"Did something happen with Mark?" She pulled away just enough to look up at him.

"He was driving the car that day, Mer."

"What?" At first, she didn't understand. Then, it suddenly hit her. "Oh..." Meredith frowned. "That was...it...how on earth did that come up?"

"I was sitting there with him, and...that stupid tree...and...he mentioned you. He..." Derek shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay." She took his shaking hand, tears filling her eyes when she realized how much he was hurting. He'd never really taken the time to deal with that part of things. Mark had been so bad off that they'd been focused on getting him help.

"It's not. I..." He sighed. "I'm fine."

"I could ask them to leave." Meredith offered.

"No. It's okay." He kissed the top of her head. "Just, give me a minute."

Hesitantly, she let go of him. "I'll go check on the food." She headed downstairs, leaving Derek alone to deal with his emotions.

Derek stood there for a minute before opening to the door to the room they'd had for Grayson, the room that Ethan would grow up in. It was strange, to him, how things could change so quickly.

Derek Shepherd realized in that moment, as he looked at the empty crib where their son would be sleeping in just a few short months, he had a lot more to look forward to than to be angry about. Somehow he'd have to forgive, really forgive. Not just bury, like he'd done before. He needed to have an honest conversation with Mark, soon, so he could heal.

**Please please review! **


	17. Introducing Ella

**I am SO appreciative of the reviews for the last chapter. They gave me the push I needed to finish what I was working on. It's always such a great feeling as a writer when someone tells you that your story brought up a real emotion in them. And American Sniper is on my "to see" list for sure!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Seventeen**

"You're sure you're alright?"

Meredith pulled her ponytail around her hair for a third time before plopping down on the bed to get her shoes on. "I'm fine."

He grabbed his keys from the dresser. "We've got to go." He glanced at his pager. "This is the second time they've paged me."

"I don't know why they can't page someone else." Except she did know. He was it. He was _the_ person to call if there was an emergency requiring a neurosurgeon. Derek Shepherd was, by far, the most talented in his field, and despite the lengthy careers of the remaining two neurosurgery residents at Seattle Grace Hospital, he was in a league of his own.

"It's the hair." He grinned, stealing a quick kiss from her before they headed downstairs.

"Your hair is why they page you?" Meredith laughed.

"That's my theory."

"So it couldn't be the fact that you have talent, and skill, and you kick ass at every surgery you attempt."

"Not likely."

"Well, the hair _is _nice." She grinned, heading out the back door with him. Meredith enjoyed the ride to the hospital, soaking up the unusual amount of quiet before what promised to be a hectic and long day on her feet. At nineteen weeks pregnant she had almost passed that magical stage of feeling great, and was starting to really become aware of just how much of a toil the long hours were taking on her body. She might even venture to say they were grueling. By the time she'd been on her feet for ten, eleven, twelve hours, everything was screaming at her. Feet were aching, back was tightening up, uterus was whining...she was a wreck. Yet, that twelve hour mark was just the start. In fact, usually it meant she was entering the second half, a half that was dismally downhill most days.

The only upside was that she hoped she wouldn't have Derek to worry about anymore. It had taken time, more time than any of them thought it would, for his heart to start healing. But, it seemed to be happening. His three-week follow-up with Teddy the day before had revealed huge steps in the right direction. The fluid around his heart was lessening, and the size of his heart was decreasing. It wasn't an all-clear yet, but Teddy had been okay with holding off on drug therapy yet again, and was hopeful that in another month of so things would be back to normal. There wasn't much evidence that pointed in the direction of explaining why things had transpired the way they did, other than her theory that perhaps an excess of scar tissue that had impeded a quick and efficient healing. Derek hadn't really been picky about pressing for an explanation, though. He was more interested in making sure that he really was on the right track and that that he would soon be able to put thoughts of himself on the back-burner for the long-run.

"You're going to let me scrub in, right?" After two weeks on Dr. Bailey's service, Meredith was uncharacteristically jolly as they walked hand in hand through the front doors of Seattle Grace.

"We don't even know what we're dealing with yet, Mer. It could end up being a watch and wait." He teased, knowing the chances were slim.

"They don't page you twice for a watch and wait."

"Perhaps they're just short-handed."

"Very funny." She let his hand go as they rounded the corner, coming face to face with Cristina who stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed over her chest.

"Bad day?" Meredith immediately took note of her scowl.

"It's only five a.m." Derek pointed out.

"Teddy's out today." Cristina's scowl continued. "I'm with Mark. And Mark stuck me here. But I'm not allowed to touch your precious neuro case. Probably the only surgical thing I'll see all day. Man got his head practically blown off."

"Cristina." She frowned.

"Perhaps this is why, Dr. Yang, Dr. Sloan wanted you here." Derek suggested, grabbing the CT films that were suddenly thrust into his hands by an incoming triage nurse.

"Dr. Hunt requested you see this right away, Dr. Shepherd." She smiled at both of them, before glancing to Meredith. "How's the baby, Dr. Grey?" In the emergency department, where everything happened on a dime, it was difficult to separate one from another when two surgeons carried the same last name. Thus, Tammy had been sure Meredith was still referred to by her maiden name.

"He's good, Tammy." Meredith smiled as she glanced over at the films. "Thanks for asking."

"Let's get him up to surgery." Derek frowned as he handed the films over to Meredith, glancing back to the nurse. "Does he have any family?"

"A wife and a young son." Tammy confirmed. "I haven't said anything to her, yet. Dr. Hunt wanted to wait until you were here."

"Cristina..." Derek looked over just as she started to walk away. "Please speak to Mr..."

"Barren. Henry Barren." Tammy released what little information she knew before going to prepare their patient for transport upstairs.

"Please go speak to Mr. Barren's wife." Derek finished.

"Oh come...on!" She rolled her eyes, staring him down.

If he was phased by her outburst, it didn't show. "Let her know her husband is very critical, but that we're taking him up to surgery and we're going to do everything we can."

"Does he even stand a chance?" Meredith was skeptical as she followed her husband.

"Looks like that first bullet just skimmed the skull. He's got a hematoma there that we'll evacuate, but I'm more concerned about the stability of his spine. The second bullet seems as if it's lodged pretty well there. I'll know more when I can fully evaluate his neurological status."

"Maybe one of us should go tell his wife."

He glanced back at her as his hand hit the handle of the trauma room door. "If you're not comfortable scrubbing in..."

"No, it's not that. I'm just genuinely concerned that Cristina isn't exactly going to be delicate when talking to her. That's all."

"I'll make sure she's taken care of, Dr. Grey." Another nurse, one that Meredith wasn't completely familiar with stood nearby.

"That would be good." She smiled at her just before following Derek into the room.

"How are we doing?" Derek was all business as they stepped into the threshold of the room.

"Stable enough to get him upstairs and to surgery," Owen looked up as they walked in. "But only if we move fast."

"Mr. Barren," Derek let Meredith do most of the initial assessment while he scribbled a few notes down on the patient's chart. "My name is Dr. Shepherd. Lucky for you, I'm quite good at what I do. We're going to take you upstairs and see what we can do about these bullets." He spoke to his patient despite the impossibility for the man to respond considering his sedated and intubated state. "I have another member of my team out talking to your wife. You'll be able to see her soon."

Meredith finished up what she was doing and gave him a nod. "We're ready when you are." They'd worked together long enough that they were now a well-oiled machine. She didn't have to wait on his every direction, and he could trust that she knew what she was doing well enough to fly somewhat solo if she had to.

"I'm estimating a ten-plus hour surgery here." Derek looked over to her as they made it to the elevator. "Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I'm in." Meredith assured him. "And I could ask you the same thing."

"If you change your mind, at any point..."

"We talk about this every day, Derek." Still, Meredith smiled. Up to a certain point, his concern was sort of nice to have.

"We do." He agreed, punching the button for the third floor. "But you're my wife, and you're currently busy giving life to my son. So I'm going to make sure you're okay. Every day. Over and over."

"I'll let the scrub nurse know. And I'll have them page Cristina."

"Mark had her off duty for a reason." Derek reminded her, stepping off the elevator with her.

"Jackson then." She offered.

He seemed fine with that, scrubbing hands and arms down when they got to the sink. "Amy," He glanced over to one of the nurses just before she entered the operating room. "Can you make sure we have a chair in there for Dr. Grey?"

"Already done, Dr. Shepherd." She smiled, stepping into the next room.

"They're going to start thinking I'm inept, you know." Meredith seemed only party annoyed as she followed him in.

He grinned at her through his surgical mask, enjoying the playful rolling of the eyes he got back. "You love it." He said as he stepped up to the patient, letting her finish tying off his gown. "It's a beautiful day to save lives." He glanced over to her, "Dr. Shepherd, would you like to open?"

"Absolutely." Meredith took the scalpel handed to her by Amy, calling time of surgery before she made the first cut.

"Dr. Shepherd," Hours later, many hours later, the voice of Alex Karev interrupted them.

Meredith looked over, frowning at the head poked in the doorway.

"Sorry. The other Dr. Shepherd." He took a step in, holding a surgical mask in front of his face.

"Is this important, Dr. Karev? I'm six hours deep in a man's spine, and I'm sort of optimistic I might be able to pull this thing off."

"It's about Dr. Grey."

"Lexie." A frown settled on Meredith's face, but she snapped back to the task at hand when she heard Derek cuss under his breath. "Sorry, sorry." Her eyes looked back to the suction she was controlling for him.

"What about her?" Derek was doing his best not to kill a young husband and father, but he was already going over a list of names in his mind, a list of who he could page to take over if he needed to leave.

"She's in labor. Dr. Robbins called Dr. Montgomery, and they started her on terbutaline. She said she's on her way and should be here in a couple of hours, but OB doesn't think they should wait that long, and..."

"Get to the point, Karev!"

"They are probably going to have to deliver the baby now." Alex finished quickly. "And they wanted you there, to assess her neurological status after delivery."

"Amy," Derek didn't look up from his surgical field. "Page Dr. Avery for me." He briefly looked over to Meredith. "I'm going to let him take over for you."

"But..." Meredith frowned, trying not to freak out. Her sister was having a baby. Not just any baby. Her sister was having a baby that could be sick, a baby that could be facing challenges none of them expected. Granted, she'd made it to thirty-six weeks, so she had at least made it past the window for a host of complications from prematurity, but that was just one of the many hurdles they might face. There had been a tumor on her spine, one that Derek removed, and no one had a way of knowing how that might affect her health.

"Karev's right." Derek explained. "They need a neuro consult there, just in case. And I cant leave this man until I close, which will be at least another four hours. So I need you to be there. Be my eyes. Let me know how she looks."

"But, I..." Meredith protested, frowning at how quickly Jackson showed up. "I'm not on the case. I...I've never even read the chart. I..."

From across the patient, Derek gave her a look that let her know he desperately wanted to be there with her. He knew his wife needed support of her own, particularly if things went poorly with Ella, but it just wasn't going to be a possibility. "Page me, if you get in over your head."

"Okay." She was unsure, but she also knew she couldn't argue with him, not standing there in the middle of an operating room full of people.

"Dude..." Alex looked over at her as she walked into the scrub room. "You can't go in there freaking out like that."

"I'm not freaking out." She shoved her gown, gloves, and mask into the garbage can, pulling her surgical cap off as she followed him down the hallway.

"You're freaking out."

"It's my sister, Alex!" Meredith glared at him. "My sister's having a baby. A sick baby. A..." She sighed. "A maybe sick...baby. Ella. And she's early. She..."

"Thirty-six weeks is good." He pointed out. "And they did the surfactant shots back when she first had the surgery, so the chances of her having a lot of respiratory distress isn't very high. Dr. Robbins thinks that she'll do okay."

"Maybe we should just, page someone else. For the neuro consult."

"Shepherd sent you."

"Because he's my husband!"

"Because he wants you to do it." Alex made a face. "You've got to chill out. Her kid's going to be fine."

"Do do that." She stopped in front of Lexie's room.

"Do what?"

"That...thing. That thing you do where you pretend like you're some tough guy that doesn't care about people. Because you're not. That's a load of crap, and we all know it."

"I'm not doing a thing." Alex didn't give her a chance to argue as he opened the door.

"Meredith." Mark frowned as they walked in.

"Where's Derek?"

Lexie's tears were enough to send her running, but Meredith forced her feet to stay firmly planted where they were. "He sent me."

"He sent you, to do what?" Mark was half a second from going off.

"Derek's in surgery." Meredith explained calmly, glancing through the chart as Alex handed it over. "He sent me, to be here for the delivery. I'm going to page him, if we need him."

"Mark." Arizona did her best to diffuse the situation. "We're okay here. Addison is on her way, and you've got me here. We're going to take really good care of Ella."

"Addison was supposed to be here." He was freaking out. Mark Sloan, was freaking out. All of the time in the world hadn't prepared him for how it would feel to finally be facing the delivery of his daughter. He was scared, and rightfully so.

"Mark," Even Lexie tried to calm him down, grabbing his hand. "It's okay."

"What surgery could possibly be more important than..." Mark's raised voice suddenly stop as his eyes found Meredith's. "This is pay-back, isn't it?"

"What?" A deep frown stared back at him.

"Sloan." Instinctively, Alex stepped almost between the two of them.

"I killed your son, so now he's going to..."

"Mark, stop." Arizona stepped toward him, cautiously.

"It's true, isn't it?! He doesn't give a damn about my kid, because I killed his!"

"You're an ass!" Meredith snapped. She'd had enough. More than enough. "Do you have any idea what you put us through?! Hell, Mark! You put us through hell! My son is gone! Your daughter, she's alive. And you, you're pathetic! We put everything on hold for you, to help you and you're pathetic drinking after the accident, because that's what we do. And now you're going to stand here and yell at me about a lack of caring from Derek?! Derek?! He would put his life down for you!"

"He does what he has to do to make himself feel better." Mark sneered. "Always has. Cares about his image. That's..." The slap of her hand across his cheek was enough of a shock to cut him off in mid-sentence.

Meredith struggled to get her arm back when he grabbed her wrist.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Lips were inches from her face as he yelled.

"That's enough! Let her go!" Alex finally took the final step, shoving them away from each other.

"Stop it!" Lexie's tearful plea was at least enough to get quiet, even if for a moment. "Please, stop." The second time, her voice was softer.

"We need to get her up to surgery, now." The OB who'd been standing there in disbelief, took her opportunity to speak up. "Which means all of you can leave, and meet us up there."

Meredith didn't have to be told twice. She was out the door and on her way down the hallway within seconds. Sister or not, she couldn't stand to be in the same room with Mark Sloan for another second. Tears stung her eyes as she rubbed her wrist, unable to intercept the memories of crying with Derek as they'd laid there in that hospital bed months ago, mourning the death of their baby.

The next few hours were a jumbled mess of awkwardness, joy, fear, and anger. Yet, somehow, despite the whirlwind of emotions, they all managed to get through it. Together.

"Derek!" Relief washed over Meredith when she finally found her husband, hours later.

"Where's Mark?" It was as if he didn't see her standing there. In fact, he was still walking, almost right past her.

"What?" She frowned, turning to follow him. Then it hit her. "Derek."

"Alex said he put his hands on you." Reluctantly, he stopped to look at her. "Is that true?"

"I hit him first." She chose her words carefully. "He was just, trying to stop me. It wasn't a big thing."

"He put his hands on you, Meredith!"

"Derek!" She frowned at the turned heads that suddenly seemed to be staring at them following the raising of his voice.

"Mark Sloan, put his hands, on my wife."

"He was scared," Meredith stepped close enough that her scrubs brushed against his. "He wasn't trying to hurt me. I think he was a little shocked that I hit him, and he was just trying to keep me from doing it again." She desperately tried to explain. "Look, it doesn't matter. What matters is Ella."

As much as Derek hated it, he knew his wife was right. There would be plenty of time to deal with what happened. For now, he had to make sure that baby was okay. He sighed, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Five pounds, four ounces." Meredith started, "She's on a little oxygen, and she's not quite ready to eat on her own, but Addison said she thinks that will change by tomorrow."

"Addison's here?" Derek seemed surprised, glancing at the clock.

"She pulled some favors in, apparently." Meredith explained, though she quickly shifted the subject back to her sister's daughter. "Neurologically, she looked good. Tone was a little soft, and she was a little more sluggish on the right side, but it's hard to say whether that might be from the meds Lexie was on. I told them you'd come in and look her over."

"How's Lexie doing?" He seemed calmer as he followed his wife down the hallway, relieved to see that she seemed to be holding it together emotionally.

"She's good. The surgery went without any problems, and she was looking through pictures of the baby when I saw her last."

"That's good." He stopped at the doors of the NICU. "I'm sorry for sending you to deal with this, Mer."

"You don't have to be sorry..." She frowned.

"I should have paged someone else. I should have know that Mark..."

"Mark was scared, Derek. He was just freaking out. And he was upset that you weren't there. He wanted the best for his daughter. Anyone would." She paused. "I don't blame him..." Her eyes found the floor. "For that."

"We're going to talk about this, later." Derek took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He knew she wasn't okay. Whatever Mark had said to her, it had rubbed a raw and open wound in the woman he loved. Even if she was holding it together, he could see the flicker of pain behind her brave front.

"Derek," Addison smiled when the two of them walked in. She'd shown up too late to be a part of the mess between Mark Sloan and Meredith Grey. All that mattered to her was that she send a stable and healthy baby home with Lexie.

"You must have friends in high places to make it here in under four." He put a smile on his face as he hugged her.

"I save all my favors, for when I really need them." Addison joked, watching as her ex-husband's eyes landed on the nearby baby girl.

"How's our patient?"

Meredith couldn't help but smile at the sudden softer side of him. There was a quietness to his tone, and she could almost see the stress seeping out of his body as he went over to the isolet.

"She's doing very well, all things considered." Addison glanced up at the monitors. "I have her on a little oxygen support, but I don't think she'll need it for too long."

"Sure does have a lot of hair." Derek couldn't help but smile at the head full of brown hair. He took a minute, to just stare at the sleeping baby in front of him, his smile fading a bit when she started to whimper. "Shhh..." There was a gentleness as he brushed his hand over her cheek. "It's okay, Ella." He whispered.

"Hey now, no making friends with the baby. You're supposed to be assessing her neurological status." Meredith teased, coming up behind him.

"I'm assessing," He smiled, glancing back at her. His attention was soon turned back to the baby. "Has she been moving her right leg a lot?" He watched as Ella's arms and legs flailed with her tears.

"Arizona said she moved it some in the OR, but I note a slight deficit there." Addison couldn't help but grin as Derek carefully picked the crying back up. "That's against policy, you know."

"I know exactly what the policy is." Derek held the baby close against his scrub top, whispering in her ear until she quieted back down and fell asleep.

"Assessing her ability to cuddle?" Meredith laughed, her hand running absently over her belly as she thought about what it would be like to share their own baby together.

"I'm just making sure she's calm." Derek smiled, holding onto her a moment longer before carefully laying her back down. "We need to get an MRI to make sure there's nothing going on in her spine. She does have that deficit you mentioned." He glanced at Meredith.

"Do you think it's permanent?" She frowned a bit.

"It's hard to say in a baby this young, especially considering her prematurity. Evaluating muscle tone and extremity movement is sort of half the equation."

"Usually we watch babies like this over time." Addison explained to her. "Three or four months will tell us a lot."

"The important thing is that she seems to have good brain function, and she does have some movement." Derek carefully placed her on her tummy so he could get a good look at her back. "Surgical site looks great." He grabbed her chart, scribbling a few things down.

"Can we go tell Lexie?" Meredith knew her sister was beyond worried, and she didn't want to keep her waiting any longer.

"Let me know if anything changes, and when you can schedule that MRI," He nodded to Meredith, heading out the door with her. "Have you taken a break?"

"There hasn't been time." She admitted.

"You need to get off your feet for a while, Mer. It's been..."

"Going on eleven hours." She answered for him. "I'll grab something to eat and take a break as soon as we talk to them."

Derek sighed. "Maybe I'll join you." He wasn't looking forward to a conversation with Mark.

**If you find yourself hating certain characters in this chapter, please stick with me. I've put Mark, Meredith, Derek, and Lexie through a lot. It's going to take a lot of time, a lot of talking, and a lot of healing for them to sort through everything and really get to a place of peace. **

**As always, please review!**


	18. The Worst In Me

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter 18**

"How is she?" Considering the epidural that had been placed just a few hours ago, Lexie found it nearly impossible to push herself up as Derek and Meredith walked into the room, grateful that hospital beds had the ability to do so at the push of a button.

"She's beautiful, Lexie." Meredith smiled, focusing only on her sister as if the other person there didn't exist. If she opened up a conversation with Mark, it would only get Derek going, and she didn't really want the two of them having a fist fight right there in the middle of the hospital room.

"Derek?" Lexie was grateful for her sister's comment, but she was more interested in knowing how her daughter was doing. His opinion, despite the tension between he and Mark, was what mattered the most to her.

It took everything in Derek Shepherd not to knock Mark out right there and then. In fact, he didn't avoid him, not like Meredith. He purposefully locked eyes with him, letting him know he wasn't going to get away with what happened earlier. Still, even considering how furious he was, he figured there was a much better place and time for him to exchange words with the man he'd formerly thought of as a brother. "She looked really good." He assured Lexie, turning his attention to her. "There was a slight deficit on her right side. Addison's going to get an MRI, and I'll let you know how that looks."

"But she's going to be okay." It was almost as if she hadn't heard him. His answer wasn't good enough for her. Lexie wanted to hear him say she was perfect. She wanted to hear him say there was nothing wrong.

"We have to wait for the MRI results." Meredith tried to help Derek out, catching the look on his face. Being a doctor didn't help when it came to telling family anything other than great news. She could tell he was torn, stuck, almost.

"But..." Lexie frowned.

"She'll be fine, Lexie." Mark reached over, taking her hand.

"You don't know that." Her fingers wiggled out of his grip. "He's not saying she's fine. He's saying there's something wrong with her. There's..."

"She's fine. Right, Derek?" Mark knew he was grasping at straws and risking a war, but he couldn't stand to see the tears in her eyes.

"Lexie..." Derek took a deep breath, glancing at Mark for a brief moment before turning his attention back to the worried mom. He knew what it was like to get bad news about your child, and he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. "Ella is doing great, and Meredith is right, she's beautiful. I looked." He smiled a bit, stepping close enough to touch her shoulder as he caught her gaze. "I wish I could tell you that I have absolutely no concerns about her neurological status, but it's going to take time for me to be able to give you what you're looking for. We're going to get the MRI as soon as we can, and I promise I'll come talk to you as soon as I look at it. In the meantime, I'll see if Addison can get you to the NICU so you can see her."

"Okay," Lexie seemed okay with that. There was something about his calmness that gave her a sense of peace, and there wasn't anything in the world that could top getting to go see her baby.

"I'm going to go grab something to eat, but I'll come by later tonight." Meredith leaned down and hugged her sister. "Congratulations, again."

"You should get some sleep," Lexie glanced at the clock. She'd seen Meredith early in the morning when she'd started her shift, and it didn't take her long to do the math and figure out she'd been on her feet a while.

"I don't get off until four." Meredith pointed out. "So if you're still awake around one.."

"A.M.?" Lexie laughed. "I wasn't planning on it, but thanks for the offer."

"Just thought you might like company." Meredith shrugged, smiling as she headed out the door with Derek.

"Lexie's right," Derek looked over at her once they were in the hallway. "You need a break, Mer. Even if it's half an hour."

"Which is why we said we were going to go grab something to eat." She pointed out. "But really, you should be resting too. What with the semi-crap heart and all."

"My heart is much better." He smiled, kissing her forehead. "I'm fine. And you're going to go lie down after you eat. I'm your boss, remember?"

"So now you're using the boss card?" Meredith grinned, rolling her eyes. She knew that with everything going on she could trust that if he said he was okay, he was. "What if the chief finds out?"

"That I'm making my..."

"Shep..." Mark interrupted, catching them just before they stepped onto the elevator.

"I'm not doing this here." Derek pushed the button on the wall, twice, as if somehow that was going to make the doors open faster.

"Look, I'm sorry. I was freaking out. Lexie was.."

"Did you not hear what I said?!"

"Derek..." Meredith reached for his hand as he raised his voice, but instead grabbed the right side of her belly, wincing at the sudden pain there.

"I was out of line. I get it. I never meant..."

"Are you okay?" Derek frowned, catching the look on Meredith's face out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Mark Sloan, and he knew himself well enough to know that if he opened up dialogue there in the middle of the hospital, he'd probably lose his job.

"I'm fine," She assured him, closing her eyes for a minute as she rubbed her her belly. She released the breath she'd been holding, slowly. The last thing she wanted was for him to start worrying again.

"Derek," Mark wasn't paying attention. He was focused, on what he was trying to accomplish, focused on repairing the friendship seemed as if it was beyond fixing. "I know you're angry with me, about..."

"Meredith..." It took everything in him to slowly unclench his fists. "There's nothing else to say, Mark!" He breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator doors finally opened, stepping on with his wife, "Go be with your family." He glared at the man standing in front of him, practically pounding the button to close the doors.

"You're going to have to talk to him some time." Meredith sighed, looking up at him when they were finally alone.

"You need to go home, and sleep." Worry clouded his eyes.

"I'm okay." She insisted.

"You're standing there, obviously in pain." He argued, reaching out and putting his hand on her cheek. "I don't want anything happening to you."

"And I'm telling you," She frowned at the continued cramping in her belly. "I'm fine."

"Meredith."

"Really." She kissed him, briefly, just before the elevator doors opened. "I'll be okay, once I get something to eat."

"I'm not kidding, Mer, about wanting you off your feet."

"If I'm not feeling better, after we eat, I will." She promised. "I'll take a break. Or go home. Or, something. Okay?"

He sighed, running his hand back through her hair. "Okay." With some obvious hesitation, Derek followed her to the cafeteria.

"Did your patient end up making it?" Meredith did whatever she could to try and change the subject.

"He was stable in recovery when I left."

"That's good," She smiled. "From the looks of things, I didn't think he stood a chance."

"He still has a long road ahead of him, and I'm not completely sure about functionality of his legs, but I think he'll make it." Derek frowned as his pager went off. "I've got to go."

"You didn't eat anything," Meredith made a face.

"Ignore that." He glanced at her pager as the all-too-familiar sound came from it as well.

"Derek." She frowned.

"We made a deal, Meredith. Eat. If you're still not feeling well, lie down for an hour. Or go home. I'll deal with the page."

"But..."

"I'm your boss."

"The chief." She pointed out.

"He'll understand." He didn't give her a chance to argue as he headed back toward the elevator.

"Make sure you get at least a small break too!" Meredith sighed, figuring he was right. She didn't want to take anything for granted or do anything to put their son at risk, so she didn't have much choice but to eat and take it easy for a few minutes.

******* break ********

"Derek..."

"Go away, Mark." Derek looked up, putting his beer down on the bar. He'd needed the break, at Joes, after his shift. His patient was dead. He'd worked almost the entire day to save his life, and he was gone. Meredith had gone home early when her pain hadn't let up, and a man he'd figured was as close as he'd get to a brother had destroyed what little bit of a relationship they had left. So he needed the break, and a beer. Or two. Which is why he'd finished off a second one just as Mark walked in the door. "Don't you have a family to be with?" As happy as he was for them, that their daughter was okay, painful memories were drug up for him, memories he didn't want to deal with. Not today.

"We need to talk." Mark wasn't going to back down. He took a seat on the stool next to him.

"I've already told you...there's nothing to talk about."

"I yelled at Meredith today." Mark paused. "I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to yell at Meredith."

Derek sort of just stared at him, head tilted a bit to the side. Definitely the calm before the storm, and even Joe took a step back, watching the two of them.

"She was there, and I flipped out. Lexie was in labor, they were talking about a c-section, Addison wasn't here. I expected you to be there, and when she walked in..." He sighed. "I didn't mean what I said. I know it's not revenge. I know you were busy. I just..." Another sigh. "Look, she hit me. And I probably deserved that. She throws quite the punch, you know." There was almost a look of amusement on his face as he tried to lighten the mood. "I know there's this rumor going around, that I put my hands on her. Hell, there's bets...about which of us will beat the crap out of the other...you and I. Over putting my hands on her. But, Derek. Things were getting out of control. I grabbed her arm. To stop the craziness. So whatever you're hearing..."

Derek hit him before he knew it was coming. His fist connected with Mark's face without any warning, and even he grimaced at the impact, opening and closing his fingers as he grabbed the fresh bottle Joe slid over to him.

"Hey. You can drink here." Joe frowned. "But the fighting..."

"There's no fighting." Derek watched as Mark lifted himself back up and checked his nose for blood. "We're done. Done talking. Done fighting." He turned back to the bar, taking a huge sip of the beer as he decided whether or not he felt better.

It took a minute, for Mark to decide whether or not hitting him back was worth it. They'd done that whole thing before, and it hadn't ended well. And this time, it was different. This was about so much more than who he was having sex with. This was about the death of his friend's son, a tragic accident, his daughter, their lives. This was different. "I'm not going away." He finally said as he sat back down. "So you can punch me again if you want. But we're going to talk about this."

"You destroyed my life, Mark. I have nothing to say to you." There was a darkness to Derek's tone, partly induced from the alcohol. He knew it was a crap idea to drink, considering his heart, but for the time being he didn't care. He really, really needed the break from reality. He needed the break from the pain, even if it was brief.

"I made a mistake." Mark corrected. "I ran a red light. And bad things happened. And I promise you, Shep, if I could take that back..." He sighed. "I'd do anything, give my own life, even. You have to understand..."

"I don't understand anything!" He slammed the empty bottle down on the counter, turning to look at him. "I will never forgive you! Now, go, away!"

"You're drunk, man. That's all. You're pissed off, and you're drunk. But I'm still not leaving. Because if I let you drive home, Meredith would kill me."

"Don't talk about my wife." Derek laughed, angrily. "And I'm not drunk. You're delusional."

"You know," Mark rolled his eyes. "We can do this, for the next ten years if you want. But sooner or later you're going to have to tell me the truth. About everything. And stop avoiding."

"I'm not avoiding anything."

"No offense, but you've been avoiding since it happened. And normally you're the mature one. With all of the advice. And I'm the one with the bottle in hand. With the bad behavior." Mark pointed out. "But you really are drunk, Shep. And you're acting like a four year old."

"She looks like you." Derek mumbled, staring back at the drink he held in both hands.

"Ella." Mark guessed.

"Grayson looked like me." He was suddenly a bit more quiet. "He was tiny. When I held him, I...I hadn't thought about how small he'd be. He had that preemie look, you know. But, he had my hair. And, my nose. I looked. And I hated you. I hated you then, because you took him from me. From us. Meredith and I."

"I really am sorry."

"Meredith changed. Doesn't seem like it to most people, but she changed. She's just starting to come back. She's laughing again, and smiling. Really smiling. But for a while there, the woman I loved was gone too. And all it takes is the smallest thing, Mark. And she'll break again."

"I get it." Mark sighed. He was willing to take whatever Derek had to say, realizing he probably really did deserve it.

"I want to forgive you, Mark. I want to be able to see past it, like she does. Meredith really does forgive you. And I try. But..."

"But you've never really been good with the forgiveness thing." Mark pointed out.

"You yelled at her today. She's already fragile, and she's just starting to be Meredith again, and you yelled at her."

"If it's any consolation, I got hit for it. And here, too." He pointed out.

"Not everything is a damn joke, Mark!" Derek got up, slinging the bar stool backward.

"Okay, okay!" Mark threw his hands up, frowning. "I never, ever meant to hurt your family. That's all I'm trying to say."

"I know." Derek sighed, heading to the door. He didn't really care that Mark followed. He could at least agree with him that driving wasn't a good option. "I know you never meant it."

Mark was relieved that he didn't argue about getting in his car. "Look, do you thing we'll ever get past this?"

"I don't know." Derek put on his seatbelt, leaning his head against the back of the seat.

"That's what you said about Addison." Mark pointed out.

"Sleeping with Addison didn't kill anyone."

"Derek..."

"Do you really think that I sent Meredith in my place today because I don't care about your daughter? Because I'm angry that my son is gone?"

"We've been over this." Mark frowned. "I was upset."

"Do you really think that?"

"I did. Maybe, for a minute. But..." He sighed. "No, Derek. I don't think that."

"I wouldn't take it out on your daughter. Even if it were true that I wasn't okay with any of it. I wouldn't take it out on her. I did her original surgery." He reminded him.

"I know. I know you did, man. And you saved her life. And I, I can't thank you enough for that."

"Meredith went home early today. She says she was fine, but I think she was having contractions. She didn't look fine."

"Contractions as in...real contractions?" Mark frowned.

"Seemed that way." Derek sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I don't know. She didn't want to talk much about it."

"Maybe she just overdid it." Mark suggested.

"Which is why I sent her home." Derek looked over. "Congratulations, on being a dad."

"Thanks." Mark smiled, glad to see they were at least getting somewhere. There was a long pause before anyone said anything.

"Look, Mark..." Derek tried to sort through his thoughts. "I don't know if things will ever be the same again. But I get that I can't stay angry with you. And maybe it will get better, when Ethan's born and..."

"We're brothers, Derek."

"Something like that." He rode the rest of the way in silence, relieved when Mark pulled into the driveway. Without offering even a thank you or goodbye, he simply got out and walked inside.

"Derek," Meredith looked up from the couch where she was nervously waiting for him, lifting her gaze from where she'd been staring at shaky hands.

"How are you feeling? Are you..." He didn't notice how pale and scared she looked. Probably because of the alcohol.

"You came in the front door." She interrupted him, getting up from the couch as she walked over. There was something she needed to tell him. Something important. Something scary. She needed to tell him that she'd had some bleeding earlier that evening, after she got home. It hadn't been much, and it had stopped, but it was bright red. And she was terrified. But something seemed off about him, and the words wouldn't come. "Derek?"

"Are you still having contractions?"

"I wasn't. They weren't..." She sighed, watching him for a minute. He'd been drinking. She figured that much out. "Braxton hicks, I think." The lie came before she even realized what was happening. But there was no way she could tell him the truth when his voice reeked of alcohol. It had disaster written all over it.

"Too early for Braxton Hicks, Meredith. And they don't hurt."

"Derek."

"Are you still having them?!"

"Why are you yelling?!" That sealed the deal. There was absolutely no way she could tell him about the bleeding. Not now. He was already freaking out on her.

"I'm sorry..." He sighed. "God, I'm sorry, Mer." Derek reached out, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm not still having them." She mumbled, sliding her arms around him as well. "Did someone bring you home?"

"Mark."

"Mark drove you home?" She lifted her head off his chest, looking up at him.

He could see her confusion, plain as day, written all over her face. "He found me at Joes."

"Was there hitting involved? Punching?" She frowned.

"Some punching." He admitted.

"Derek..."

"I can't look at him the same anymore, Meredith. Not now."

"Because he yelled at me? I mean, clearly we've established...I'm a big girl. And I'm fine. Mark Sloan doesn't scare me."

"He scares me." Derek sighed. "He brings out the worst in me, Meredith. He brings out the part of me I can't stand."

"The sort of sexy, moody...part." She grinned despite the insane swirl of emotions going on inside of her. She desperately hoped to get a smile out of him.

"I'm serious."

"Did you talk, at least?" She sat down on the couch with him.

"Mark talked, a lot." Derek sighed. "I talked some. There's not much to say. Look, I don't want to deal with this. Not today."

"Okay."

"Okay." He reached down, putting his hand on her belly. "You're sure you're alright?" For a moment he could almost see that there was something she wasn't saying, but it was a fleeting thought.

"I'm sure. Just had a long first half of my shift. Not enough sitting. Not enough water. But I'm fine. Did you get Ella's MRI done?" Another lie. And part of her felt terrible for keeping the truth from him. But he already seemed so broken. She didn't want to push him over the edge.

"It was clear."

"Does that mean..."

"Her deficit should resolve with time." Derek smiled.

** THANK YOU to GayleLynn and rannisaurus for your reviews, and to mandyg67 for your great detailed review on the last chapter!**


	19. Down Comes the Rain

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Nineteen **

"You're sure you have to go in?" Meredith rolled over, frowning as she squinted her eyes, looking away from the direction of the window. "Can you close those blinds?"

"I'm sure." Derek grinned at her, pulling his scrub top over his head. "Don't get too comfortable. You need to be up in a few minutes anyway."

"What time is it?" She made a face, plopping her head back down on the pillow.

"Seven. You don't want to be late."

"I'm not going in today," She closed her eyes, pulling the sheets.

The playfulness he'd had before faded. "What do you mean you're not going in today?"

"I'm calling in. Taking a sick day. Staying bed. Where I belong. Where we both belong. No surgeries." She groaned. "No inept interns, lecturing Bailey, crazies coming through the ER..."

"Meredith..." Derek watched her, perplexed.

"It's a sick sort of day."

"Meredith."

"I feel fine." She lowered the sheets, eyes peeking over at him. There hadn't been any more bleeding, and for that she was thankful. But she felt...off.

"You're taking a sick day," He pointed out. "Complaining about the crazies, and surgeries."

"I guess I sort of feel like crap."

Derek frowned.

"Not bad, just..." Meredith sighed, sitting up, tossing the sheets aside. "Kind of bad." She admitted. "But not like yesterday. Not contractions. Or, not as many. Or..." Another sigh. "I'm fine."

"Meredith."

"You've said my name like...a thousand times."

"You've ignored me a thousand and one times." He grabbed his keys from his dresser, dropping them into his pocket.

"I'm having some pain. Probably not contractions." She insisted, getting out of bed. Perhaps seeing her standing up would make him back off a little, would make the hovering stop. "You don't have to worry."

"Mer..." He stopped himself when she glared.

"You're doing your hovering thing." Meredith pointed out, tossing the sheets back up to the top of the bed, the pillows following soon-after. "I hate the hovering thing."

"I worry," Derek eyed her, trying to figure out if it was okay to leave her alone, or if he'd end up beating himself up for it later.

"And I'm telling you," She walked over, kissing him. "You don't need to. Because I'm fine. Really, fine. So you're going to go to work."

"You're not fine." The relief that had just started to build was gone as she paused, and he placed his hand on her belly as he watched a look of pain flash across her face. "You. Are not. Fine. And this has been going on since yesterday."

"If they keep up, I'll call and make an appointment."

"You need to call now."

"Derek." Meredith shook her head. "I'm not going to call them every time I feel the slightest bit off."

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his contact list. "Then call Addison. Because I'm not going to work, Meredith, until I'm sure that you and this baby are fine."

"I don't need to call Addison." Meredith almost glared at him. "Just go to work. I'll be there in an hour. So you can hover there."

"You do need to call."

"I'm not calling!"

"Then I will."

"You're being ridiculous." Meredith drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly to avoid screaming at him. "Look, if this is still going on in a few hours, I'll call her. Okay?"

Derek wanted to argue, but he welcomed that she was at least compromising with him. "Okay." His phone returned to his pocket.

"I'll see you soon." As much as she wanted to call in sick, Meredith knew she wasn't going to get her husband off her back that way. It wasn't that his hovering wasn't a sure sign that he loved her, it was just that the hormonal pregnant part of her couldn't stand it.

"Call me if you get worse."

Meredith frowned as she watched him go, breathing a sigh of relief when she was finally alone. Inevitably, it was going to be a long day. "You've got to behave, Ethan. Please, for mommy. Just this once. Daddy's starting to become certifiable." She ran her hand over her belly as she thought about how much Lexie must be enjoying Ella now that she'd been released from the NICU. Her stay there had been a mere forty-eight hours, proving she was quite the fighter. Meredith didn't know what it would feel like to hold her son in her arms, but she imagined it would be the best moment of her life, considering everything. "Won't be nearly as much fun if you decide to give us a scare now. Twenty weeks, you know. That's...not good." She mumbled as if somehow her unborn son could not only comprehend what she was saying, but also control the ever-annoying contractions of her uterus. "I think my body is broken." Another mumble, this time with a frown. "I have a crap uterus. Or, a crap cervix, maybe." She sighed, running her hand over her shirt. "If I have to call Addison, your dad's going...look...I don't know what he'll do. But lets not find out, okay? Lets just behave. You behave, mommy will behave...and we'll forget about this early labor stuff. No more bleeding. No more contractions. No more funny business."

Considering the minimal time it took her to get ready once she was actually out of bed, Meredith made it to work with plenty of time to spare, which meant she welcomed a decent breakfast at Joes before she headed across the street to Seattle Grace, figuring she'd get a whole new lecture from Derek if she showed up with an empty stomach. Her contractions had died down a bit by then, spacing out to a point where they were more sporadic than predictable, and she was relieved when in an hours time she only counted two. She'd never admit it to him, but she'd been worried too. Just so happened she was too scared to show it, as if somehow the denial of fear would make it all go away.

"Meredith."

Mark was the first path she crossed that morning after coming out of the bathroom, and she couldn't help the frown when she saw him. "Where's Derek?" All it would take to set him off was seeing the two of them together, and she was more in the game of keeping the peace than anything else, at least for the time being.

"Consult with a patient of Richards." Mark seemed confused. "Already missing him?" He tried a joke, first, as if sort of just testing the waters.

"You're working? I thought Lexie was still here. And Ella." She glanced at his scrubs. "And if it's okay with you, I'd like to avoid you getting a black eye, or a broken nose, or God knows what else."

Mark almost laughed, but he stopped himself. "Don't have a lot of vacation time, Grey."

Meredith rolled her eyes at his choice of name. "What do you want, Mark?"

"Look..." He sighed. "I wanted to apologize, about the other day."

"I get it."

"No, really."

"Really, I get it. And I forgive you. No big deal. Derek's the one that has the problem. So if you're trying to fix things, you need to talk to him. I'm not going to be the middle-man. Woman. Whatever." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Seriously."

"Heard him telling Bailey to keep an eye on you." He offered. "Everything okay?"

"What is this? Tell the whole hospital about Meredith's problems?" She glared. "Stop changing the subject."

"You're not the middle woman. Got it." He smiled. "And he didn't tell the whole hospital. Just Bailey."

"And you, apparently."

"He's not speaking to me." Mark pointed out.

"Right." She sighed. "Why aren't you with Lexie?"

"I overheard." He repeated. "And I will be, with her, when she leaves. Two more days. For now, I'm working. Didn't want to waste vacation. And there's only so much television you can watch here." He shrugged.

"What did Derek tell her?"

"That he was worried about you. That something seemed off. They debated on whether or not to stick you down here..non-surgical cases and all. Something about using teaching interns as a viable excuse."

"I'm fine, by the way." Meredith could see him staring at her, as if she was suddenly going to break. "And I don't need people watching." She sighed as he put his hands up as if to say he was backing off.

"No watching. Got it." Mark half smiled before he turned to leave.

"Mark."

He looked back at her.

"I'm sorry, that Derek can't get past all of this."

"It's fine."

"It isn't fine." Meredith sighed. "And I'm sorry. I'm sure one day he'll be okay with it. Or, forgive you, or something. I don't know. But, it's just going to take him time. More time."

"I know." Mark was grateful for what she was saying, even if he wasn't too sure she was right. A frown appeared as he saw a flash of pain cross her face. "You need to sit down."

"I'm fine," She welcomed the chair he grabbed, though, sitting down as soon as he scooted it against the wall near the nurses station. "Really, fine."

"Save it, big Grey. You need to get checked out."

"Mark..."

"Don't make me page Derek." He was already pulling his phone out of his pocket.

"Look, I already talked to him about this. The contractions are spacing out. Only two in the last hour."

"That last one made three." Mark pointed out, handing the phone over.

"Mark."

"Make the call, Meredith. Or I can page the on-call OB resident."

"I don't want Derek freaking out."

"Which is why you should call. Or better yet..." He suddenly remembered his ex. "Addison can probably see you here without making too much of a commotion."

"Might as well take advantage of her being here." Meredith sighed, watching as he called her. "Please don't make a scene." She mumbled. Truth be known, she was more worried about what Addison would tell her than anything else. She was a doctor. She knew contractions at twenty weeks pregnant were serious, even if they did seem to come and go. The truth is what scared her. Reality is what scared her, and that's why she kept trying to avoid it. Each passing moment felt like an eternity.

Fortunately for her, the wait was short. Addison, who'd been upstairs checking on Ella and Lexie, wasted no time in coming down to meet her in an emergency department exam room. Considering Meredith's history and everything explained to her, she covered all of her bases in both ultrasound and physical exam, not wanting to miss anything.

"The good news..." Addison pulled her gloves off, tossing them into the trash before washing her hands. "Is that your cervix isn't dilating any."

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief.

"However," She sat down. "There a couple of other things that are concerning to me."

"Wait." Meredith frowned. "But, you said...no dilating." Her heart was racing as thoughts spun.

"No dilation." Addison repeated, reaching over to take her hand briefly. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Your placenta is low-lying, though. Right over your cervix."

"Placenta previa." She interrupted her, suddenly thinking back to the previous night, the night Derek had chosen to stay out drinking instead of coming straight home. The memory was almost enough to steal the remaining emotional stability she had left. Tears threatened to fall as she thought about the sudden bleeding she experienced not long before he got home. It had been enough to get her attention, enough to scare her to death. It had been enough to keep her up and waiting on the couch for her husband, waiting as if somehow staring at the clock would delay the inevitable. She'd almost thought she was going to miscarry, but when it didn't come back, she'd shoved it down as far as she could, convincing herself it was nothing. She'd kept it from Derek, something she was starting to regret. "I...there was some bleeding...last night." She admitted.

"Bleeding?" A deep frown crossed Addison's face. "Meredith...I know you're scared because of what happened with Grayson." She sighed, shaking her head a bit. "I get the fear, and the need to be in control of all of this. But you've got to start being honest with yourself, with me. With Derek." She knew the absence had nothing to do with a surgery or a busy schedule. Mark had been sure to let her know not to tell him anything.

"I was going to tell...call you. Or my OB here. I just...it didn't happen again. So I didn't think about it. I thought it was..." She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart.

"The contractions you're having are your body's way of telling you to slow down, Meredith. You're under too much stress, too many physical demands. And if you're not careful, you'll be riding a long journey with a baby in the NICU." She warned. "I know you don't want that. None of us want that."

"I have a crap uterus." Meredith mumbled, shoving tears out of her eyes. "Guess this means a c-section." She looked back at her.

"I really am sorry." Addison struggled with her own emotions.

"Is this the part where you tell me I have to sit in bed for the next twenty weeks?"

Addison smiled a bit. "Lucky for you, I'm good at my job, and I don't think we need to go that far. Not right now. You need to talk to Derek, though, Meredith. And then I can meet you upstairs."

"Addison." The minute she realized what was coming, Meredith panicked. She panicked, and she kicked herself for not dragging Derek there with her. Being admitted wasn't something she was ready to face.

"A necessary evil, Meredith." Addison said gently. "We'll admit you overnight, get some terbutaline going to kick these contractions out. If you're labor free tomorrow I'll release you. Then we'll talk about where we go from here."

"I can't lose this baby."

She put a hand on her shoulder when she whispered. "My only goal here is to make sure both you and Ethan are healthy. Which is why it is important to take this seriously. If your contractions continue, Meredith, they could cause a placental abruption. And at this stage in pregnancy..."

"He would die." She had no more tears to cry. Meredith found what small bit of inner strength she had left, though, and she looked over at her. "Please don't admit me. I can't...I can't stay here."

Addison sighed, struggling with her own internal battle. "I can give you a terbutaline injection, but there are no promises it would work, and it is difficult for me to monitor you. And considering the bleeding you had..."

"I could stay for a few hours." She volunteered. "Just, please. Don't make this a big thing. Don't admit me. Addison, please."

The red-headed doctor sighed and stood. "Alright." She agreed to it only because she knew being admitted would drag up emotional trauma that Meredith wasn't ready to deal with. She headed to the door to find a nurse. "But I'm going to go get Derek. He needs to be here with you."

Meredith didn't argue with her. She already regretted not telling him from the start, bracing herself for what his reaction would be when he found out the truth. Soon enough she was lost in her thoughts, barely saying two words to the nurse who came in minutes later to give her the shot of medication that would hopefully stop her contractions. The monitor that was strapped to her belly to monitor the baby's heart rate and her contractions gave her at least a little peace of mind, for which she was grateful.

"Meredith." Derek looked panicked the moment he stepped in the room, though he did his best not to add to her worry.

"I'm sorry I didn't page you sooner. I'm sorry. I should have. But I..."

"It's okay. It's fine. I'm not worried about that." He was at her bedside in seconds, pulling a chair over so he could hold her hand. "Addison said she wanted to keep you here."

Meredith sighed. She was relieved that he at least kept his anger in check, but still dreaded telling him everything. "She settled for a few hours of monitoring, and shot of Terbutaline."

"Terbutaline." Derek frowned, fear gripping him. "Meredith."

"It's fine, really. She's just trying to get rid of any remaining contractions. Apparently I have a crap uterus." She figured saying it all at once was probably the easiest solution, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, especially not after seeing how scared he was.

"You promised me the contractions were gone."

"They were. They were gone. But they came back. And..."

"And what?"

"Derek..." She sighed. "Last night, when you were out drinking...I had some bleeding."

"You what?!"

She winced when he raised his voice. "This is the part I hate. I hate telling you things. You freak out like this."

"I'm not freaking out."

"You are."

He sighed, closing his eyes in an effort to calm down. "I'm not going to freak out anymore."

"I stayed up, instead of going to bed, because I was worried. And I was going to call Addison. And tell you. But then it stopped.

"Bleeding, Meredith. That's...you should have told me." He tried to find the right words.

"I know. I know, and I'm sorry. You were dealing with the Mark thing, and I was freaking out because Lexie had her baby and all I could think about was Grayson, and you..and...the Mark thing. And you'd been drinking. And it just seemed like such a crappy time to bring it up."

"What did Addison say?"

"Placenta previa. She wanted to keep me overnight, but I made the deal, about the few hours. And who knows what else."

"Dr. Carter never mentioned previa." Derek frowned.

"Apparently he either didn't pay attention, or he figured it would move. But the bleeding sort of rules that out. And Addison's worried about the contractions causing a problem." She could see his wheels spinning, his fear growing, panic taking over him, and she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm fine." She watched as he shook his head. "Derek Shepherd. Look at me."

He did look at her, and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off again.

"I'm fine. And Ethan is fine. Addison's good at what she does. That's what you told me when she was going to operate on Lexie and Ella. Remember?"

He couldn't help but smile at her. Resilient. Extraordinary. Always. "Get some rest. I'll be right back."

"Derek..." Meredith knew he was freaking out. She knew he was leaving just so he could sit in the hall and panic. And there was nothing she could do to stop him. She hated that.

"Five minutes. I'll be back." He kissed her forehead before walking out of the room, slamming his fist against the hallway wall. If anything happened to her or their son, he wouldn't be the same. He'd never recover.

**Currently chapter 21 is a depressingly blank page, so now's the time to let me know if you have something you want to see in this story, or some thoughts on what you see happening. My inspiration is lost. I may need to break out the Grey's DVD collection. That's how I seem to get all my decent ideas. And may I please take this time to say...I don't give one heck of a bean that it's coming back on soon. I really can't stand the direction of this season. At. All. **


	20. Saving Lives & Making Friends

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty**

"Derek," Meredith repeated his name for what seemed like the millionth time. She figured it had actually only been three or four, but still. He seemed completely lost in his own world despite her attempts to draw him out of his thoughts.

"Hmmm?" He finally looked over to her, sighing. "Do you need anything? Water? A blanket? A book? A movie? I could..."

"Derek..." She couldn't help but laugh. "I'm fine, really." She tucked her feet underneath her as she settled there on the couch, watching him.

"You're not fine, Mer. You're not."

She sighed. "Addison released me, Derek. She monitored me for five hours. That's quite a long time, and there's no way she would have let me come home if she wasn't sure things were okay."

"Addison's distracted."

"By what, exactly?" Meredith frowned. "The only patients she has are Lexie and I, and Lexie almost doesn't count anymore."

"She's distracted, Meredith." Derek insisted. "She's just visiting here. Visiting. This isn't her home, or her job."

"Addison's a good doctor, Derek. You've said it yourself, a million times." A frown pulled at the corners of her mouth. He was losing it, like, really losing it. Meredith realized there wasn't much she could do.

"I know." He sighed, sitting down next to her. "I just worry."

"Ethan's staying put. He told me so."

Derek couldn't help but smile, glancing over at her. "Is that so?"

"We had a very long talk about it." Meredith ran her fingers over her belly, glancing at the clock. "You should go."

"You'll call me if anything changes?"

"You know I will."

"I know you have a habit of keeping things to yourself." He let his hand rest on top of hers.

"I will call you." She assured him.

"Okay." He smiled, kissing the side of her forehead before he got up.

"I'll see you tonight."

Derek did what he could not to let his nerves overtake him, but found it to be almost impossible. For him, everything hinged on the safe arrival of their son. Anything less than that would be a devastation he was sure he would never recover from, and in his mind, the universe was doing everything possible to keep that from happening. It just didn't seem like they could catch a break. Sure, there was a good chance Meredith's placenta previa wouldn't turn into anything life threatening for her or for Ethan, but there were no promises. It was a serious thing, something he hadn't been prepared to deal with. When she'd gotten pregnant again he'd envisioned a time of healing, a time of recovery, making up for what happened the last time. Instead they were facing what could easily turn into a new crisis, and he was struggling to accept that.

"So I have this patient..."

"Cristina." He sighed at the first face that greeted him that morning, instantly wishing he'd taken just a bit longer to get to work. Perhaps he could have avoided her.

"Was actually supposed to be a kick-ass cardio surgery. Turns out she needs you. Both of us, actually. I already promised her you would look."

He frowned as she handed him the scans, holding them up to the light. "Risky tumor removal." He said as he studied the images.

"Depending on how you dissect. I know. That's why I have her scheduled for an MRI. Half hour."

"You promised her a consult?"

"Look. I know you're all mopey because of Meredith." Cristina snatched the scans back, putting them in the sleeve. "But this lady, she has a kid. Three months old. And a husband. Married for ten years. Tried for eight to get pregnant. And so here she is, with a kid, and a tumor. And throw in some valve issues with her heart."

Derek crossed his arms as he watched her, an amused grin taking over the scowl from before. It wasn't often Cristina admitted she actually had feelings. "So you promised her a consult." He verified.

"Look, don't make this something it's not. It's a great surgery for me. That's all. She told me her whole life story while I was getting consents signed. Not like I asked. And I'm only showing you because you're McMopey. And you need to cheer up."

"Okay."

"It's the truth." Cristina rolled her eyes as he followed her upstairs. "Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching you wander around here like a lost puppy. All because Meredith had some tiny setback. She'll be fine. She's always fine. And pretty soon you'll be the one with the kid."

"What's the patient's name?" Derek let her ramble on, easily dismissing most of what she said to focus on the patient.

"Amy Anderson. Thirty-two. Husband's name is Chris." She stopped at a room just past the nurse's station. "And don't tell her no. I mean, I sort of promised her you could do it."

Derek sighed, knocking on the door before he turned the handle. "I have to see the MRI first." He reminded her. "Mr. and Mrs. Anderson." He smiled as he walked in, shaking each of their hands. "Dr. Derek Shepherd. Dr. Yang asked me to come up to talk to you about your tumor."

"Dr. Shepherd." Chris Anderson stood to shake his hand. "We weren't sure if you would come."

"I took a look at your wife's scans." He glanced at the baby in his arms, making a mental note that telling them he wouldn't even try wasn't an option. He wasn't going to be the one to tell a family there was no hope. "The tumor is in a very tricky location, but I won't be able to make a final recommendation until I see her MRI. That will give me a better idea of what we're dealing with."

"So you can do it? You can do the surgery?" The woman in the bed, despite everything going on, grasped the only shred of hope she could, clinging to it like it was the last thing she had left.

Derek smiled as he shook her hand. "That's what I'm hoping," There was no other response. She was a mother desperate to stay alive for her baby. He could see that, and he'd just met her. There was no way he was going to allow the word no to come out of his mouth.

"Thank you," Tears filled the woman's eyes as she took Derek's hand again, looking up at him with gratitude and relief written clearly on her face. "Thank you."

"We've seen so many doctors." Her husband stood there sort of stunned at Derek's words. His wife was finally going to get the care she needed. He didn't even quite know how to process that.

"I told you she was a good one." Cristina looked over to him when they finally left the room.

He sighed, nodding. "You did. And you were right. I just hope I can give them what they're looking for."

"Of course you can." She made a face. "Have some self confidence."

Derek laughed, heading to the nurse's station to put his signature on the order for Amy's MRI.

"So I'll see you this afternoon then. Saving lives and all." Cristina glanced back at him as she headed down the hallway, a smile on her face. She had definitely won that round.

"Clean MRI, Yang. It's going to take a good MRI." He glanced back at her. Deep down inside he knew he would be there no matter what that MRI showed. He didn't care how impossible the odds were. This time around things were going to go right. He was long overdue for a big victory.

***** break *****

Weeks old paperwork and post-op checks left Derek busy for the next couple of hours, busy enough that he almost forgot about Amy Anderson's MRI results. He frowned when he glanced at the clock and realized what time it was. Sighing, he headed off down the hallway to try and find Cristina Yang so he could get some sort of update.

"I was just looking for you." She found him, rounding the corner just minutes later.

"Please tell me the delay is a result of backed up imaging, and not bad news." Derek took the scans as she handed them over. He held a couple of them up to the light before sighing and going to the nearest nurse's station so he could get a better look on the computer. "Yang."

"You can do it." She insisted, leaning against the wall as she watched him scroll through the images on the screen. "I've seen you perform bigger miracles."

Derek sighed, leaning back in his chair as he looked at the pictures in front of him. "This surgery could kill her."

"She's dying anyway, so I don't exactly thing that will be a deal breaker."

"I'm serious, Cristina. Right now that woman is able to be at home and enjoy time with her family. If I do this...if I attempt this..."

"That woman is a ticking time bomb, and we both know it." She pointed out. "You're her only option, Derek. This surgery is the only hope she has of making it another three months."

"Probably not even that long." He ran his hand through his hair as he got up, glancing over to her. "Find us an open OR this afternoon."

"Noon. O.R. three." She smiled.

"Patient is prepped and ready to go?"

"Consents signed, NPO, central line in place, antibiotic prophylaxis started." She handed the chart over to him so he could sign it.

"This is on you."

"When it works, you get to say I'm a genius." She smiled as she took the chart back. "Rest up, McMopey. You get to save a life today."

"Who are you, and what exactly have you done with Cristina?" Derek actually laughed, shaking his head as he headed to an on-call room, hoping to have an opportunity to both rest and call Meredith before he scrubbed in on the incredibly long and tedious surgery that lay ahead.

His happiness soon turned to worry, though, when his phone call went unanswered twice in a row. The logical part of him figured there was a good chance that she was sleeping, but the emotionally traumatized part of his psyche couldn't let go of the fear that perhaps something had happened to her. He knew time was short, though, and there was no way he was going to be able to get home to check on her and back in time for his patient's surgery. He had to trust that she would call if anything changed. After a third attempt to call and a message left, he sighed and laid down, hoping to at least get some sleep.

Despite his heart rapidly getting better, and the lingering effects from his cardiac tamponade and second heart surgery fading, he still found it difficult at times to keep up with the insane demand of his job. Between the long shift the day before and being awake all night worrying about Meredith, he was tired. His chest ached, and exhaustion tugged at his eyes. He needed the rest, he knew, to be at the top of his game when he tried to save Amy Anderson's life. There was no way he was going to risk opening her brain up if he wasn't at his best. Fatigue was the fastest way to mistakes as a surgeon, and he wasn't about to risk something going wrong with this surgery. It was already risky enough, and the slightest error would be disastrous. Luckily for him, physical fatigue soon pulled him into a much-needed sleep.

Noon rolled around quickly, and before he even really had time to think through a good surgical plan, Derek Shepherd found himself standing over the open skull of Amy Anderson. It had been a while since he'd been so nervous about a surgery, and it took him a minute to settle his nerves as he started. He hoped no one in the room would notice how off his game he was. He hadn't wanted a surgical victory that badly in quite some time, and considering all of the bad things that had come his way in the last year, he felt like he was almost snakebitten.

Luckily Cristina Yang pulled him out of his thoughts before anxiety could truly overtake him. "Like I said...you got this." She grinned from the other side of the operating table, watching as he carefully opened up the woman's skull.

"Because we clearly have gotten through the hardest parts of this," He smiled despite rolling his eyes, though his gaze was focused completely on his surgical field.

"Hey, drilling through someone's cranium is a big deal." She could tell he was nervous. Despite her mixed feelings about him and the hard time she gave him, Cristina had gotten to know Derek pretty well, and she could see his hesitation. "Like I said...this is going to be nothing but greatness."

Derek laughed. "Can't say you aren't motivating."

"Hey, I'm your wife's person." She smiled. "What good am I if I can't be nice to you once in a while?"

"To get something you want." He pointed out.

"It's mutually beneficial." She insisted. "You love saving lives."

"I do." He couldn't argue with that. "And this is a beautiful day to do it."

"I can almost see what Meredith saw in you. Almost."

The scrub nurses laughed.

******* [break] *******

"Meredith?" By the time Derek walked in that night, the better part of twelve hours after his initial phone call to her, he was past the point of worry. He'd ended Amy's surgery to find that he still hadn't received a call back from his wife, and every second he'd spent with his patient in recovery had felt like a lifetime. He needed to know Meredith was okay. He had no know that she was alright, and without communication from her the entire day, his mind was convincing him that something terrible had happened.

"Hey," She smiled when she saw him come through the door. She was snuggled up on the couch, trying to finish up some stupid lifetime movie that she really wasn't that interested in. Her smile faded quickly when she noticed the fear in his eyes. The television was immediately turned off, and she tossed the remote aside. "Derek?" Concern started to creep up in her.

"You didn't call." He stood there, between the kitchen and living room, watching her. "I called you...three times. This morning." He chose his words carefully. It took everything inside him not to unleash his anger on her.

"I did." Confusion was clearly written across her face. "Derek..." She tossed her blanket aside and got up. "I called. And I left a message with Dr. Webber. He said you were in surgery."

"You called." It took him a minute to realize that his fear was for nothing. It took a minute for him to figure out that all of the insane emotions that had been taking over him were for not. She was okay. She was sitting there, clearly okay, and he had worried for no reason. She'd called. She'd left a message even. Relief washed over him.

"Come sit down." He didn't look good. In fact, she wasn't going to be shocked if he suddenly hit the floor. "I'm so sorry, that you didn't get my message."

"You're okay."

"Yes." Meredith frowned. "Derek, come sit down." She was relieved when he finally took her advice.

"I'm fine." He could tell she was worried about him, and he did what he could to put her mind at ease.

"You don't look fine."

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"You look like crap."

"I'm tired." He admitted. "But I'm fine Mer, really. I'm just...God...you have no idea how worried I was."

"No funny heart stuff, right?" She wasn't done worrying about him, even if he did insist he was okay.

"My heart is healthy, remember?" He couldn't help but smile at her concern.

"Half-healthy. Sort of healthy." She corrected.

"Have you had any contractions today?" He was still distracted by his concern for her.

"Some." She quickly clarified when she was the fear in his eyes. "But I called Addison and timed them, and we agreed they were too irregular to worry about." She glanced briefly at the clock. "None in the last couple of hours."

"Meredith.."

"Derek, really. I am okay. And I'm really sorry that you had to spend the day wondering about me."

"I'm just glad to be home." He pulled her into his arms, enjoying the time he was able to just sit and hold her.

Meredith smiled when he rested his hand on her belly, her hand moving to rest there on top of his. "How was your surgery? Richard said you started at noon. Must have been complicated."

"Cristina convinced me that I could save a woman's life by removing a tumor that really couldn't be removed."

"Your patient died?" She frowned.

"She lived. And I have to spend the rest of my life hearing all about how your friend was right and I was wrong."

Meredith laughed. "So you do perform miracles."

"I'm a surgeon, Mer. I just do..."

"I'm sorry. Didn't you just say inoperable brain tumor? As in, can't be operated on?" She grinned, lifting her head from his shoulder so she could look at him. "You're a surgical genius."

Derek laughed. "I did my job. That's all."

"I'm so lucky, to be married to you. I mean, I don't have to worry if I get a big ugly tumor in my brain. You'll just..."

"Meredith." He made a face.

"Just pointing out the facts." She smiled as he shut her up with a kiss. "So you and Cristina? Are you like...friends now?"

Derek laughed. "Not quite."


	21. The Good and the Bad

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

"I have great news for you." Teddy was all smiles when she walked into Derek's appointment three weeks later. "Your heart looks fantastic." She pulled the images up on the screen so both he and Meredith could see them. "Fluid has resolved." She pointed out the places where they'd previously seen it. "And you're almost there on being back to normal size."

"You're sure?" Meredith had a hard time just taking her word for it. After everything they'd been through, it just seemed too easy.

"Meredith," Derek smiled, taking her hand. "She's the heart surgeon."

"I'm sure." Teddy assured her. "I looked through every image. Two and three times. I'm careful. And I can promise you, he really is going to be just fine." She smiled and turned her attention to Derek. "I don't want you to go out and run a marathon, but you're welcome to get back to life as usual."

"But what if he overdoes it and things get worse again?"

"Mer," A frown settled on Derek's face.

"Meredith," Teddy looked at her, sympathetically. "I would not clear him if I wasn't absolutely sure that he was alright. It's taken some time, but his heart looks great. I don't have any worries at all about things getting worse again."

It took her a moment to really absorb the news. Derek was finally okay. He was going to be okay. There wasn't going to be heart failure or more hospital stays, or a heart transplant. His heart really had healed itself. "Thank you. For taking care of him."

Teddy smiled. "It's my job. But you're welcome." She got up, logging off of the computer. "Let me know if you have questions, or if anything changes." She addressed Derek before leaving the room.

"So, whole and healed." Meredith grinned at her husband after Dr. Altman let the room.

"Whole and healed." Derek smiled. "I believe that means you're up."

Meredith made a face. "I'm not looking forward to this appointment."

"Mer,"

"I'm serious, Derek." She sighed. "I don't want anymore bad news. I just, want to get back to normal life. Working, long days, crazy things going on here, planning for this baby..."

"And you will. We will." He was thrilled, beyond belief, that they could cross one more worry off their list. He needed to be able to focus his attention on his wife and their unborn baby without having to worry about his own health. He worried about Meredith a lot, especially considering how fragile she seemed to be. It concerned him that she didn't seem to have much of a reaction to finding out his heart was finally healthy again. It meant she wasn't okay. It meant the weight of her placenta previa was weighing on her more than she admitted. He hated that.

"Maybe." She was clearly not convinced. "Or we could show up and get crap news. And Addison isn't even here this time. So it's crap news from a doctor that I don't even like."

"If you don't like him, we need to find someone else." Derek was firm in his answer to that. "You need to like your doctor, Mer."

"Doesn't matter if I like him or not." She was definitely grumpy as they headed toward the elevators.

"Meredith," He stopped her, grabbing her arm so she had to look at him. "What is going on? You're acting...strangely."

Her tear-stained eyes met his. "I guess I'm just...overwhelmed. Scared. I don't know. I don't want to go to this appointment, Derek. What if he tells me something's wrong?"

"We already know what's going on, so the chance of him delivering bad news is pretty small." He tried to calm her fears, pulling her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Meredith. It's going to be alright."

"I wish Addison was here." She mumbled before stepping into the elevator with him.

Despite how short it really was, the wait seemed like an eternity to Meredith as she sat on the exam table in her doctor's office not too long later. She was still a nervous wreck, and there was a heavy but silent tension in the air between she and Derek.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Dr. Carter walked into the room just a few minutes later, smiling as he shook both of their hands like usual. "Heard you've been causing some trouble since I last saw you." He joked a bit in an effort to ease the tension.

Meredith didn't take the bait. She simply sat there, watching him.

Derek sighed, taking her hand. It was all he knew to do to try and calm her. "We're hoping to get some good news today."

Dr. Carter nodded, glancing through all of the notes in her chart. "Dr. Montgomery left quite a bit here about your bleeding and contractions." He finally set the chart down and took a seat, watching his patient for a moment. "How have you been feeling, Meredith, in the last few weeks?"

"Fine, I guess." She wasn't really in the mood for talking.

"No more contractions?"

"Still have a few here and there." She admitted. "But nothing consistent." There was a long, quiet, pause, and suddenly she started spilling all of the zillions of thoughts in her mind. "Is our baby okay? You guys do these stupid ultrasounds, and the stupid tech doesn't say anything. Then we have to sit around and wait for you, and you still walk in and don't say anything. You just read the stupid chart that is full of crap I already know. Addison Montgomery is my friend. I don't need you to spell out everything she wrote there. She explained it all to me when it happened."

"Dr. Grey," Joseph Carter couldn't help but smile. She wasn't the first expectant mother to dump all of her anxiety on him, and she certainly wouldn't be the last. "I have many patients who have a complete placenta previa like you do, and the majority of them do great. There's always that chance, that you'll have a bleed in your third trimester, but you've got a great team keeping an eye on you."

"We lost a baby, Dr. Carter. Our son was healthy, and my pregnancy was great. And we still lost him. You can't promise me something you don't control. I just...I just want to know that everything is okay. But really, you can't tell me it is."

"You're right." He admitted. "I can't promise you that. But I can tell you that your ultrasound looked great. Your placenta is still completely covering your cervix, but your baby is healthy. Placenta perfusion is great, fluid levels are great, baby is active and growing well. As long as you don't have anymore contractions or anymore bleeding, you're at a good place. I do want you to follow your restricted activities that Dr. Montgomery explained to you, but other than that, I don't see a need to place any other special precautions on you right now."

"What happens if I do, though? What happens if I do bleed again, or there are more contractions?" Meredith was starting to calm down, slowly.

"You're twenty-four weeks now, so I wouldn't want to deliver you if you had another bleed now." Joseph explained to her. "I would at least want you at twenty-six weeks. Twenty-six weeks with a big bleed, I'd likely c-section you."

"Dr. Carter," Derek frowned. "Maybe we should save this conversation..."

"No." Meredith cut him off, finally glancing over to him. "We need to talk about this. I need to know."

Derek wanted to argue with her, but he knew he really had no reason to. If she wanted to discuss the realities of her placenta previa with her doctor, it was completely irrational for him to refuse to let that happen, even if he was motivated to do so by the desire to protect her. "Twenty-six weeks is rolling the dice with our son's life." After a long and tense silence, he finally said something.

"The chance of your wife having a bleed that soon is incredibly small." Dr. Carter assured him. "Most of the complications I see with a complete placenta previa creep up well into the third trimester. Usually around thirty-two to thirty-six weeks. I don't think this is going to even be something we have to worry about."

"But it could be."

"Meredith." Derek quickly became frustrated.

"I need to know!" She insisted. "Derek, we lost Grayson. We lost him, and we weren't expecting it. And this time, there's something there that is putting our baby at risk. And something terrible could happen at any minute. I know the risk is small. But I need to know, for my own peace of mind, what the plan is."

"I don't want this baby being delivered at twenty-six weeks." He held firm to his first reaction.

"My concern, Dr. Shepherd, is your wife. Meredith's wellbeing and her safety through all of this is what is most important to me. She's eight months out from a life-threatening trauma, and despite Dr. Montgomery being okay with it, I'm already uneasy with the fact that she became pregnant so quickly. I'm not at all comfortable pushing Meredith's body to gain a few more weeks for this baby. At twenty-six weeks, baby has about an eighty percent chance of survival."

"I know about survival rates for premature babies! And I'm telling you..."

"Derek.." Meredith frowned when he raised his voice. This day was not going well, at all. Even if they had received great news about his heart, this day was really really crappy. She squeezed his hand gently, desperately trying to calm the situation down. "So beyond twenty-six weeks, you would do a c-section if there were complications from the previa." She turned her attention back to Dr. Carter, hoping her husband would choose to just be quiet.

"Yes." Joseph Carter sighed. "Perhaps Dr. Montgomery would do something different. And you are welcome to seek a second opinion. But I am careful and conservative when it comes to protecting the life of the mothers I take care of. The last thing I want is to put you in a situation where you're back in the ICU due to a life threatening hemorrhage."

"I get it." Meredith sighed. "Derek's right. I probably shouldn't have brought this up at all. I'm sure it's all a waste of time anyway. There probably won't be anymore bleeding. I'll be fine. Ethan will be fine."

Derek could see her starting to panic, and regret washed over him. He'd allowed his fears to take over, and as a result, he'd failed to do the one thing he was determined to do. He failed to protect her. "We'll cross this bridge if we come to it, Mer. But you're probably right. It doesn't matter, because none of this is going to be an issue." He brushed his thumb across her hand.

Dr. Carter smiled a bit. "Like I said, I don't foresee us having to worry about any of this any time soon. When you get closer to term, we'll discuss our options. I would like to try and deliver you as close to thirty-six weeks as possible to try and avoid you going into labor. That's where things can get tricky."

"Thirty-six weeks is early." A frown was still settled on Meredith's face. "I don't want him taken early if there's no reason."

"Delivering you via a scheduled c-section, early, is to protect both you and your baby." Joseph insisted. "We will do an amniocentesis to determine if his lungs are developed enough at your thirty-six week appointment. Assuming they are, I would want to deliver you that week. So get that in your mind as the date for your c-section."

"I think we're done here." Derek wasn't giving this guy another second of their time. He got up, still holding onto Meredith's hand. He was grateful when she followed him out without arguing. "Look, we'll call Addison." He looked over to her when they were in the hallway. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

_Fine was not good. It was never good, with Meredith. _"Meredith," He sighed. "I'm so sorry I didn't stop him before things got out of hand. Please, don't let what happened today put worry in your mind. I'm not going to let anything happened to you or this baby."

"Placenta previa is scary, Derek. Even if he said all the right things, that's not..." She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "What if something goes wrong? What if I do start bleeding again and he comes early? What if Addison wants the c-section scheduled early?"

"If Addison says that's the right thing to do, then we should probably trust that. She's been here with us, through everything. There's not a chance in the world she would recommend something that wasn't necessary." He pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "I don't want you to worry about this. Enjoy this pregnancy, Mer. Everything is going to be okay."

"I'm trying." She mumbled, resting her head on his chest. "I'm glad your heart is all whole and healed. I couldn't deal with you dying right now. It would really suck. Bad timing and all."

Derek couldn't help but smile, running his hand over her hair.

******* break ********

"How am I ever going to go back to work?" Lexie stared down at the baby girl who was peacefully sleeping in her arms. "How am I supposed to just leave her?"

Mark couldn't help but smile as he slid his arm around her. "She'll be okay, Lex. You don't have to go back now, and when you do, we'll find a nanny."

"But, if we do that, I won't be able to see her. I mean, if she's at the hospital daycare, at least.."

"Do you know how many germs are at that place?" Mark made a face.

Lexie couldn't help but laugh. "Suddenly you worry about germs? I'm not sure I've ever even heard you say that word before."

"We're talking about my daughter." He frowned. "Of course I worry. I don't want her in that.."

"Mark." Lexie grinned, looking over at him. "You're such a good dad. I knew you would be."

"You're a good mom, Lexie." He smiled, glancing at their daughter. "And she, is perfect."

"Which is why I can't imagine not being here every day with her. I know I could technically stay home another eight weeks, but I can't miss that much work. I'll be so behind." She sighed.

"You just had a c-section, Lexie."

"A month ago." She made a face. "Stop talking to me like I'm going to break or something. I can go back to work in two weeks. And I honestly probably should. It's different for you. You have an established career. I don't."

"So we hire a nanny." Mark knew there was absolutely no use in arguing with her. She wasn't going to listen to a word he said, even if he did think she should wait another month before going back to work. "She's going to need someone who can take her to physical therapy." He pointed out. "A daycare center can't do that."

"We should be doing it." Lexie sighed. "Was it selfish of us, to have a baby? I mean, knowing how our schedules are. Knowing that our careers are..."

"Lexie Grey." He cut her off. "Having Ella was far from selfish. So we're busier than some people...that doesn't mean we can't be great parents for her. I can rearrange my schedule. I'll talk to the chief so I can be home at a decent time on the nights you work."

"Do you think he would actually go for that?"

"It's Richard Webber. He'll do whatever makes me stay." He smiled. "I don't want you to worry about it. We'll get it taken care of, no matter what."

"I guess you're right. I'm just being one of those crazy paranoid moms who need to take a chill pill."

Mark laughed. "You worry because you're a good mom." He reached over, taking Ella from her. There was something about holding that tiny baby girl in his arms that melted Mark Sloan's heart. Being a dad was beyond anything he had ever experienced before.

"Hey!" Lexie made a face. "Give her back."

"You're a baby hog." Mark made a face. "I'll give her back in five minutes."

"Thief." Lexie playfully rolled her eyes. "You can get your baby holding time in tonight."

He laughed. "No thanks. I'll be glad to sleep so you can take care of her."

"Yeah, I bet you would, especially since I'm pretty sure I remember you snoring all night last night while Ella and I caught up on our soaps."

"Soap operas in the middle of the night." Mark grinned, looking down at Ella. "Your mommy has you off to a great start."

"Hey! I resent that!" Lexie laughed as she got up to make her a bottle when she stirred and began to cry in his arms. "If you think you could do better, you're welcome to get up tonight at two in the morning and see if anything decent is on."

"I'd venture to guess there's always some sort of basketball or football game on. I mean, what about on Demand? Don't we have that now? Isn't that supposed to have all the good shows?"

"Seriously?" Lexie laughed, glancing back at him from where she stood in the kitchen, "You're the one that ordered that cable package. And you don't even know what's included?"

"When was the last time you saw me turn the television on?"

"Oh you mean other than the sixty-five thousand sports games we have to watch?" She turned her attention to the bottle on the counter, carefully measuring out the right amount of water and formula for Ella.

"Hurry," Mark frowned when Ella's cries got louder. He did his best to soothe her, but it was already a very clearly established fact that when she was hungry, she wasn't patient.

"I'm hurrying!" Lexie quickly shook up the bottle before bringing it over. She handed it to Mark. As much as she really wanted to feed her, she knew he enjoyed it so she wanted to let him have the chance. After all, he'd be going back to work the next morning, so his time was a lot more limited than hers was.

"We'll get better, baby girl, I promise." He whispered as he offered the bottle to the crying newborn, kissing the top of her head. "I'll definitely miss her tomorrow."

"We'll send you pictures." Lexie smiled, sitting down. "And we'll definitely miss you too."

**Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I really liked the mention of wanting to see Mark be there to help Meredith when needed. So...hint hint...that will be coming soon :)**

**I have not even started the next chapter yet, so that will probably be a few days.**

**Please review!**


	22. Fearing the Worst

**Sorry for the delay! I spent the last couple of days gathering info regarding the medical stuff going on here, running ideas through my mind, and planning a few things out. There is a time skip here. I hope you'll forgive me! **

**:)**

**P.S. I don't think I will be watching Grey's until Derek returns. I caught the last two minutes of it tonight and I believe that will probably be it for me this season since Shonda says we won't see Derek for "a long time". **

**My silent protest. Haha**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

It was eight weeks before Meredith was able to see Addison. Despite being completely against it, Meredith had reluctantly agreed to see Dr. Carter one last time in her absence. He'd preached the same story of needing to deliver her at thirty-six weeks, and she'd given him the same firm answer as she had before. Luckily there hadn't been any more bleeding scares, and she'd actually found herself enjoying being pregnant with her son. It was peaceful, for the first time in a long time, and Meredith was soaking up every second of it. After the first few weeks had gone by with no contractions and no bleeding, she had slowly started to let her guard down. Now at thirty-two weeks pregnant, and past the place where they had lost Greyson, she was starting to allow herself to imagine what life was going to be like when she finally got to hold her baby in her arms. It was a feeling she couldn't at all imagine. Words couldn't describe how life-changing that would be. "I really appreciate you coming." She smiled when her friend walked into the exam room.

Addison smiled, hugging her before setting her chart down on the counter. "How are you guys?"

"We're good." Meredith smiled, glancing over to Derek as she took his hand. Despite how everything had been going, it was always nerve-wracking on appointment days.

"How's baby?" Addison sat down on the nearby stool, allowing time for them to talk before she started her ultrasound.

"He seems good. Super active, especially at night when I'm trying to sleep."

Addison laughed. "Seems to be something I hear a lot." She measured her belly while they talked. "Right on track." She scribbled the number down. "Still settled on the name Ethan?"

"We've actually been discussing changing it."

"Meredith has been discussing changing it." Derek clarified.

"He's just grumpy because he got his name put on a blanket, and now I'm having second thoughts."

"You're so much more domestic than you used to be." Addison grinned, glancing at Derek.

"I couldn't let Mark Sloan outdo me."

Meredith laughed, shaking her head. "Point being, we're deliberating on names again."

"Are these top secret?" Addison pulled the ultrasound machine over, squirting gel on Meredith's belly before sliding the wand over it. "Baby's heartbeat looks good." She smiled, turning up the volume on the machine so they could hear it.

"I will never get tired of that sound." Meredith smiled, squeezing Derek's hand. "There are quite a few names we've thrown around. Or I guess I should say...I've...thrown around." She glanced over to Derek, grinning. "I like Hudson or Lennon."

"I think she's also insisted Asher and Easton are good options." Derek shook his head. "I guess we'll have to change the blanket."

Addison laughed, though her eyes were focused on the screen. "Easton is a nice name. So is Hudson."

"See!" Meredith grinned, "I told you. Nice names. Good names."

"As long as you're happy, Mer." Derek brushed his thumb across the back of her hand, glancing to Addison. He tried to get a read on her, but it was nearly impossible.

"Did Dr. Carter discuss with you guys his concerns that this may be placenta accreta?" Addison was suddenly all business, a serious and quiet tone taking over her. "He mentioned it in a couple of places on your chart, but didn't make it very clear what he was thinking."

"What?" Meredith started at her, feeling as if the wind had suddenly been knocked out of her.

"Addison.." Derek frowned. "What do you mean, placenta accreta? No one's mentioned that to us before." His head was spinning. Placenta accreta...could kill his wife. Easily.

"I'm not saying that's what it is." Addison stopped what she was doing for a moment, glancing over at both of them. She sighed. "I'm saying he expressed concern that it could be a possibility. I'm looking. Don't panic. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to freak anyone out. I just wondered if it had been discussed. I'm not leaving here today until I'm sure I've ruled that out."

"I'm going to pass out," Meredith mumbled, eyes slowly closing. Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Meredith," Derek shot a look at Addison before turning his attention to his wife. "Mer, look at me. It's okay."

"Meredith," Addison sighed, immediately regretting saying anything at all. It would all be for not if it turned out Dr. Carter was wrong. "Take some deep breaths, Meredith. Slow, deep breaths."

Derek and Addison exchanged brief but worried looks when she gave them no response. "Meredith, open your eyes and look at me." Derek grabbed the chart from the counter, fanning her with it. "It's okay, Mer. Everything's fine." He ran his free hand over her hair. "Meredith, look at me." His tone became a little more frantic.

She did. After what seemed like an eternity but was likely only a minute or so, Meredith opened tear-filled eyes. "You have to tell me it's not...accreta. Please...Addison." She didn't look at Derek. She looked at the woman in front of her. She looked at the woman who was either going to tell them everything really was okay, or was going to deliver news that she absolutely was not prepared to handle.

Addison nodded, smiling just a bit as she gave her hand a quick and gentle squeeze. "I'm so sorry that I brought it up without figuring this thing out first. Give me just a couple of minutes. I need to know that you're okay, though."

"I'm okay. I just..." Her voice wavered as more tears fell.

Derek let out a slow deep breath, relieved that she was at least talking to them again. He continued to gently run his hand over her hair, hoping he could at least offer her some comfort and reassurance, even if it wasn't much.

Addison thought about saying something, but no words came. She knew the best thing she could do for them was to figure out what they were dealing with as quickly as she could. She took a second to gather her own thoughts before turning her attention back to the ultrasound. "The good news is that your placenta is healthy, and your fluid levels are great. Baby is moving well, he's practicing his breathing, and his heart rate is perfect."

Meredith wanted to be comforted by her words, but she wasn't. She was terrified that they were about to be dealt another blow, one that could change their lives, permanently. Placenta accreta claimed the lives of women every day, and it all but guaranteed she would lose her uterus. This baby would be their one and only. "Addison." She didn't want to rush her, but she couldn't help it.

Addison didn't say anything else, not for a good five minutes or so. She took her time, going over every inch of the placenta location several times before she finally turned the screen so Derek and Meredith could also see it. "Okay," She took a deep breath. "Here's where your placenta is. It's pretty much centered over your cervix. That hasn't changed really at all in the last several months." She pointed it out on the screen. "So that is still a complete placenta previa, just like I previously thought. The good news is that I don't see any evidence that it's invaded the uterine lining. I don't think we need to worry about accreta. Perhaps Dr. Carter was just trying to be cautious and cover all of his bases, but from my perspective, there's absolutely nothing that gives any indication of that."

Meredith couldn't quite put her finger on how incredibly relieved she felt. There really weren't words to describe the feeling that you had just been handed your life back. She said nothing for a moment. She really couldn't say anything, not until she sorted through the whirlwind of emotions that she was feeling.

"Are you sure?" Derek had to force tears away. Sure, he'd been doing his best to be strong for his wife, but he'd been about a half a second away from totally falling apart, and relief didn't really begin to describe how he felt when he heard all of their worry was unfounded.

"I'm positive." Addison said firmly. "I looked. Over, and over, and over. There's absolutely no way I would let you guys walk out of here today if I wasn't one hundred percent sure about this. And once again, I'm so sorry that I even brought it up. I was really just thinking out loud, and didn't..."

"It's okay." Meredith finally found her voice, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Really, it's okay. Are you...sure...you're.."

Addison finally smiled. "Meredith, I can't really tell you how emotionally wrapped up in you and this pregnancy. I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't absolutely certain."

Meredith nodded, finally starting to truly calm down. "What about the previa? Dr. Carter insisted that we needed to schedule a c-section for thirty-six weeks. Derek and I don't want to deliver him early."

Addison sighed, trying to figure out how to phrase things so it wouldn't turn into a huge conflict. The appointment had already been nerve-wracking enough. "When I have patients who have placenta previa, I look at everything on a case by case basis. Not every previa is the same. A partial previa is in a whole different category than what we're dealing with here. You have a very serious complete previa, Meredith. And while there are a lot of things I disagree with Joseph Carter on, one of the things I do have to side with him on is that I don't think it is a good idea for us to put you in a situation where your body takes on the stress of a massive hemorrhage. I don't want you reaching that line of almost bleeding to death, and that's what we worry about if you stay pregnant too long and you go into labor unexpectedly."

Derek drew in a deep breath. He may have argued with Dr. Carter, but he wasn't about to argue with his ex-wife. If she was telling them Meredith was at risk, then he took that at face value. The health and safety of his wife was easily the most important thing, even if that did mean that their son might have to spend a week or so in the NICU. "So, thirty-six weeks?" He could tell Meredith was trying to decide if she was going to put up a fight, so he made an effort to keep the conversation moving.

"Given that there hasn't been any bleeding or contractions in eight weeks, I'm okay with thirty-six weeks. We'll schedule you for that Monday. I can be here Saturday to do one final appointment just to make sure nothing has changed. So Meredith will actually be thirty-six plus two, which honestly is really good. I've seen many thirty-six week babies go straight to mom's chest with absolutely no issues and no need for extra care."

"Thirty-six weeks is still early." Meredith didn't seem to be thrilled with the idea, and she didn't try to hide her disappointment.

"I know," Addison tried to approach it in a way that would avoid a protest from her. "But it's the best decision we can make based on the information we have. It best protects both you and this baby. My goal is a healthy outcome for both of you, and doing this in a controlled manner is definitely far superior to just waiting to see if something goes wrong."

Meredith sighed. She wanted to argue, but she knew that ultimately Addison was right. As much as she'd wanted her to give a different opinion than the one they had already told her, she understood where she was coming from. "What if there's a bleed, between now and then?"

"There's always a chance that can happen. And if it does, it would depend on the severity of it. I would likely be okay with monitoring a small bleed here in the hospital as long as you and baby both look okay. If it's a larger bleeding and more difficult to get control of, we'll just go ahead and deliver you."

"But what if you aren't here?"

Derek could see the panic starting to set back in, and he took her hand. "We'll get her here, Mer. She'll get on a plane."

"There won't be enough time."

"Meredith," Addison thought about it for a moment. "I'll be here in two weeks for your baby shower. So I'll only be gone two week gaps. And if something happens between now and then, I'll drop what I'm doing and get on a flight. And I'll make sure there's a doctor here that I trust who can fill in for me if we need them to."

Meredith knew it wasn't fair to really expect for a better answer than that. Addison was doing everything she could to make sure that she could be there for the birth, and everything she could to make sure that everyone came out of it okay. It didn't really make it easier, but she appreciate that her friend was trying. "Okay," She smiled a bit. "Guess that means we're having a baby in four weeks."

Derek smiled and leaned over, kissing her forehead. "He'll need a name."

"I'll leave you two to that." Addison smiled and hugged them both goodbye before heading out the door.

"So," Derek smiled, looking at Meredith.

"So," Despite her anxiety and fears, she smiled back at him. "Easton?"

He laughed. "I don't know, Mer. But like I said...if you're happy, I'm happy. Easton, Hudson, Asher, or Lennon. One of them will work. You let me know which one you like the best."

"Derek," Meredith frowned. "You're supposed to pick with me." She got up from the table with his help. "I can't name our baby without you."

"I'll help you." He assured her. "I'm thinking about it. You should narrow it down to two or three choices. That would help."

"Well," She paused, thinking about it for a moment as she rested her hand on her belly. "I really like Easton, and Hudson."

Derek thought about both of the names. Neither were ones he would have ever thought to pull out of a book, but they weren't something he hated either. Considering she had suddenly gone back on wanting to use Ethan, it was taking him a bit of an adjustment period to wrap his mind around something else. "We still have time." He pointed out. "Even if we don't name him until we meet him, I think that's okay."

"But then he won't have a blanket," She grinned, teasing him.

"I can have someone get a blanket made while you're in the hospital."

Meredith laughed. "Addison's right. You are becoming much more domestic than you ever have been."

"You love it." He smiled, kissing her briefly as they stood there in the hallway. "I'll see you tonight."

"Have a good day," Meredith smiled, watching him go. She wasn't really looking forward to the rest of her shift, but she hoped it would at least give her a way to take her mind off things. It seemed the time of enjoying her pregnancy had come to a close, and it was hard for her to accept that. They were in the final stretch of things, and she worried. She worried that something unexpected would happen. She worried that the c-section date wouldn't matter because she would bleed first. She worried that they didn't have a name for the baby. If anything happened to her, Derek wouldn't know what to name him.

"Rough day?" Cristina interrupted her friend's thoughts.

"That doesn't really accurately describe how much I want to go drink an entire bottle of tequila."

"Don't do that. McBaby would be stupid."

"He doesn't even have a name."

"Sure he does. His name is Ethan. Right?" She looked confused.

"It was. It was, Ethan. But now it's not. Ethan just doesn't seem right anymore." She shrugged. "I don't know."

"So what is it now? Please tell me you didn't go back to Jude."

"Cristina." Meredith laughed. "I want to name him Easton."

Cristina stood there, staring at her for a moment. "Your kid." She shrugged a bit. "Derek likes it?"

"Derek doesn't like anything unless it's monogrammed on a blanket."

"He's such a girl."

"He's a good dad."

"So you say."

They walked together toward the cafeteria to get some lunch.

**I'm so nervous about how this chapter will be received. Please review!**


	23. Another Day Closer

**Thank you all so much for the great reviews on the last chapter! I was so excited to wake up and have four review email notifications. It's the little things. **

**I sat at 1200 words on this chapter for days. Sorry about the delay!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"I came up with a name for the baby," Derek smiled as he sat on the couch with Meredith that evening. He'd flipped through television channels looking for something decent to watch, but when nothing seemed to be on, he'd tossed the remote aside and focused his attention on her.

"You did?" Meredith grinned, definitely curious to find out what he'd come up with.

"I did." He slid his arm around her. "What do you think about Landon, or Colton?"

Meredith was surprised, "I like them both." She said, after thinking about it for a moment. "Does that mean the other names are out?"

"If you want to name him one of the other names, Mer, it really is okay with me. But I'd like it if we could at least consider these."

"I think you should pick." She had been so set on choosing the perfect name for their son that she'd forgotten to even consider how Derek might feel about not having a bigger part in the decision-making process. "We could leave Easton, Colton, and Landon on the table...and you could choose."

"I don't need to choose," He insisted. "It means more to you, so you should be the one to pick."

"It doesn't mean more to me. You're just letting me do it because you're nice guy. But it obviously means something to you, otherwise you wouldn't be suggesting names." She pointed out.

Derek sighed, laughing a bit. "We're sitting here getting into an argument over names, Mer."

"Not an argument." She made a face. "A discussion. Just a discussion."

"What name means the most to you, Mer?" He asked, getting serious for a moment. "This is our son, and I want his name to be something that you love."

She smiled, resting her hand on her belly. "I think Easton and Landon are both good names. We should think about it before we decide."

"Whatever we name him, I'm sure it will be perfect." He kissed the side of her head.

"We should get some sleep." She mumbled. "I'm exhausted, and I swear the alarm clock likes to torture me."

Derek laughed. "If you want to sleep, lets sleep. But don't blame the alarm clock for your trouble. Blame getting up to pee six times a night."

She narrowed her eyes. "More like ten. And if we're playing the blame game, it's definitely your fault. You and the dirty elevator sex got me pregnant. And now I have this baby sitting on my bladder and I can't sleep, I can't..."

"This is most definitely not my fault." He laughed, pulling her into his arms as he laid down next to her. "Besides, you can't blame the baby. He's not even here yet. You'll hurt his feelings."

This time it was her turn to laugh. "Okay, now you're just scaring me. You're all domesticated, blanket monogramming, name worrying, baby loving...McSensitive."

"You love it."

Meredith smile as he kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, Derek."

"Night, Mer."

Meredith was asleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes. Thirty-two weeks pregnant was no joke. She'd almost reached the point where she was glad she didn't work full shifts. By the end of the day she was spent, and more than ready to go home. She enjoyed her surgeries though, especially since there wouldn't be any while she was on maternity leave.

******* [break] *******

Morning came far too early, and Meredith found herself reaching quickly for the extra coffee Cristina offered her in the hallway. "Thanks," she mumbled, grabbing her stack of charts from the nurses station.

"Don't tell Derek I let you drink that. I don't need a lecture."

"I thought you two were friends now." Meredith grinned, glancing over to her.

"We're not friends. We can't be friends. He and I...we just...we have an understanding."

"Right." Meredith laughed. "We're naming the baby Landon. Or Colton."

"Landon's decent."

"Derek likes it, which makes it the frontrunner, I think. He really wanted to stick with Ethan, but you know, he loves me."

"The whole world knows he loves you. What with the hovering and all."

"He's gotten a lot better about the hovering." Meredith pointed out. "I mean, I only see him a few times a day now."

"Gag me." Cristina sat down with her, opening up her charts so she could finish up some paperwork she'd been putting off for days.

"So I told Lexie that I didn't want a shower."

"Everyone has a shower. You have to have a shower."

"After he's born, we can do some kind of..." She shrugged. "Thing. But no shower. Feels like bad luck."

"I think it's like a meet the baby party. Or something. The thing you have...after he's born. It's not a shower."

"It can be." She insisted. "It can be a shower. And really, I'm not going to change my mind."

"Well it's definitely cheaper. And less...ribbons and bows and crap. You know, if we don't have a shower."

"So really, everyone wins."

"Well, you have to buy more crap. So, not everyone."

Meredith laughed. "We don't have to buy much. We still have..." She paused, running one hand over her belly. "We have some things."

"Right," Cristina didn't want to make her crazy hormonal person burst in to tears, so she left it at that. "So is his mom coming?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "We talked about it. I know she wants to come the moment he's born, but I just..."

"Families are stupid. Too much drama."

"Derek loves his family. And his mom is nice."

"She's nice because she has to be. Because she knows Addison isn't coming back. So she has to like you."

"She gets me. Sort of."

"Of course. I mean, she clearly gets you if she's asking to come right after you have a baby."

"You make a good point." She made a face. "I told Derek I wanted her to wait. But I felt like a jerk."

"You should totally take advantage of the fact that he'll let you do whatever you want. That won't last forever. Once this baby is born and he's sure you aren't going to drop dead or something, he's going to go back to being all self..."

"Cristina." Meredith laughed as she cut her off.

"It's the truth."

"Morning," Derek smiled, interrupting the two of them as he came up behind them, resting his hand on Meredith's shoulder. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"You're late." Meredith smiled, looking up at him after she glanced at the clock.

"I brought you this." He handed her a small paper sack from the little cafe near their house.

"Oh! Donuts!" She grinned.

"You two are pathetic." Cristina made a face. "Donuts, seriously? You're killing your kid's brain cells."

"Sugar is vital to life." Meredith argued.

"Not that kind of sugar."

"On that note..." Derek smiled. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Have a good day." Meredith smiled, watching as he walked away.

"Thank God for this baby." Cristina rolled her eyes. "You two need to tone it down a notch."

Meredith laughed. "You're just jealous." She headed off down the hall to check on her patients.

******* (break) *******

"How was your day?" Derek smiled as he climbed into bed with her that night, pulling her into his arms.

"It was good." Meredith smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. "I helped Dr. Hunt with a couple of good surgeries, and I didn't kill anyone, so all in all it was a decent day."

He laughed. "I'm glad to hear no one is dead."

"What about your day? Save anyone's life today?"

"My day was slow." He kissed the top of her head. "Guess that makes you lucky that you weren't on my service."

She made a face. "Definitely glad not to have been there. No offense."

"I have a tumor removal tomorrow. It should be an interesting one. If you want in."

"Absolutely. But you'll have to convince Webber that I can switch."

"Won't be a problem." He assured her.

"In that case, I would love to remove a tumor with you."

Derek laughed.

"I was thinking today, about the baby's name." Her hand moved to rest on her stomach. "We should name him Landon. You like it, I like it, and it's a good name."

"Are you sure?" The last thing he wanted was for her to agree to something just because she wanted to make him happy, especially when it came to such and important decision.

"I'm sure."

"Okay then." He smiled.

"Derek," Meredith paused, trying to figure out how to bring up the subject. "About your mom coming.."

"It's already taken care of."

"What do you mean it's already taken care of?" She frowned. "We haven't even really talked about it yet. I mean, I know I said I wanted her to wait. But really that was just a..."

"Mer," He interrupted her. "My mom being here to meet Landon is important. But not more important than what is best for you."

"I know, but..." She sighed, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I don't want you to worry about it. I've already talked to her, and I told her that given everything that happened with Grayson, we just wanted to keep things quiet for a while. It's important for you and I to have time together with this baby. If she gets offended by that..."

"She was offended?!" She lifted her head off of his chest. "I don't want to create problems with your family."

"You are my family, Meredith. You."

"You know what I mean." She made a face.

"I'm telling you, it's over. Done. I told my mom that she can plan to come a few weeks after he's born. She was fine with it."

"You're lying." She gave up arguing with him though. It wasn't worth it. Deep down inside she was thrilled that he understood where she was coming from. It really was important to her that they get those first few weeks to themselves. She wanted time with her son, and she knew there was a high probability that his birth would drag up so many difficult thoughts and emotions. Truth be known, she had no idea how they were going to deal with that. "Derek?"

"Yeah?" He could hear the change in her tone of voice, and he pulled her a bit closer.

"Do you think it's going to be hard? When he's born? I mean," She paused, trying to figure out how to say what she was thinking. "Do you think it's going to remind us of Grayson? Of what we didn't have? Of..."

"Probably." He answered honestly, cutting her off only because he knew exactly what she was going to say. "Parts of it will probably be hard. But we'll get through it, together."

"I keep thinking about the surgery." She admitted. "It scares me...to go back there. To be a patient in the operating room. And this c-section...it's risky."

"Mer." Derek sighed, running his hand over her arm. "Addison is going to keep you safe. And I'll be there. I don't want you to be scared. I want you to be able to look forward to this. We're going to have a baby."

"I know, Derek, but it isn't like most people. Us having a baby is different. The last time I had a c-section it was because Mark ran.."

"Stop."

"This is why I can't get past this fear! Because you never let me talk about anything!"

"We've talked about this, Meredith! Over and over again! There's nothing left to say! We were in a car accident. Mark killed Grayson. You almost died. We've said it. A million times. He's dead."

"You can be such a jerk." She pulled away from him, sitting up.

Derek sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."

"Just forget it."

He grabbed her arm before she could get up from the bed. "I'm sorry, Meredith."

"I don't know why you have to do that." Her voice got softer as she looked at him. "I don't know why you have to get all rude and defensive when I bring this up."

"It's the only way I know how to deal with it." He sighed, again. "I'm so sorry...for smashing right through your feelings."

"I guess I can forgive you."

He couldn't help but smile a bit. "If you want to talk, we can talk."

"Maybe tomorrow." She laid back down, yawning. "Goodnight, Derek."

"Night."

**Please review!**


	24. Seeing Red

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

"Thirty-four weeks," Meredith was all smile as she stood in the kitchen two weeks later, giving Derek a quick kiss.

"Thirty-four weeks," He smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I can't believe we're two weeks away from meeting him."

There was a sparkle in her eyes that hadn't been there in a long time. Derek loved that. He'd missed that, more than he could say. "Are you ready for sleepless nights?"

"Anything, for Landon." She smiled as she looked up at him. "I'm so happy, Derek. It's been, so long, since I've..."

"I know." He knew what she was going to say. "Me too." He kissed the top of her head.

"Addison said she was coming in today. Are you able to clear some time tomorrow for her to see us?"

"She's coming even though you cancelled your shower?"

"Yeah, I guess she figured four weeks was too long for me to go without seeing someone. And you know her...doesn't trust anyone else."

"In her defense, she is the best." He smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to ride with me this morning?"

"As much as I love going in together, I love the extra time to rest more." She grinned. "I don't have to be in until noon."

"Okay then." He smiled. "Rest, then. And by rest, I don't mean spend the next several hours working on twenty different projects."

"Scouts honor." She laughed. "This time I really do mean it. I'm too tired to do anything but get back into bed."

"I'll see you in a few hours." Derek smiled and gave her one last quick kiss before he headed out the door.

Meredith smiled, locking the door behind him when he left. She was definitely looking forward to more sleep considering how restless her night had been. With her belly growing and baby Landon moving around like crazy long past midnight, sleep was hard to come by. "Just a few hours of sleep, Landon. That's all mommy needs. Let's make a deal, okay?" She rubbed the top of her belly as she headed up the stairs.

Luckily for her, sleep came easily, and she spent the next couple of hours dreaming of the first few minutes of meeting her baby. It was the second part of the morning that didn't go as planned, and she sighed as she found herself calling her sister in hopes she could get ride to work. "Lexie, hey. I know you're probably at the hospital already, but my car won't start and I can't get Derek to answer the phone."

Lexie frowned, glancing at the clock. Meredith was already going to be late, something the chief definitely wouldn't like. "I'm an hour into my shift already. Derek is in surgery. There was a motor vehicle accident that came in this morning." She paused, thinking. "I can call Mark. He's home today with Ella. It may take a few minutes, though. He'll have to get the nanny to come by first because I have the car seat."

"I don't want you to have to do all of that." Meredith sighed, glancing at the clock. Eleven forty-five. Webber was going to kill her. "I'll just..."

"Meredith." Lexie interrupted her. "I'm going to call Mark. He'll come. Really, it's not a problem. Let us help you out."

"Okay," She was hesitant to agree, but with no other options really, she didn't argue. "Tell him I really appreciate it."

"I'll have him call you when he's on his way." She smiled, hanging up the phone. It wasn't often that she and mark could do something nice for Meredith and Derek, so even something as simple as this made her happy. It would take a lifetime of small favors to even scratch the surface of showing them just how sorry they were for everything that had happened, but Lexie didn't mind trying.

Meredith sighed as she put the phone down. "Mommy's going to be in so much trouble." She grabbed the television remote, flipping through the stations. If she was going to have to wait, she figured she might as well find something to occupy her time. It was obvious rather quickly after glancing at the guide that there wasn't really much on, so she tossed the remote aside and headed upstairs. "We should at least fold the rest of your clothes." She spoke quietly as she ran a hand over her stomach. "Daddy laughs, but he doesn't realize how important having an organized room is. And trust me, you'll appreciate it. You can't come home to a big pile of..." She gasped a bit and winced as a stabbing pain shot through her lower abdomen. "Oww." One hand found the railing of the stairs, her other hand sliding down to rest underneath her stomach. Slowly, she let out a deep breath. _Okay. It's okay, you're fine. Don't panic. _But she knew otherwise. Something wasn't right. Something was off.

Meredith's worst fears were confirmed when she felt a gush of liquid down her thighs. Expecting to see that her water had broken, she glanced down at the floor. Fear turned to panic as she watched a puddle of crimson stain the carpet. "No," Her voice was barely a whisper, and in the shock of the suddenness of it all, she slowly sat down at the top of the steps. "Oh God." Tears slid down her cheeks as she reached into her pocket to grab her phone. "Shit!" She frowned when she realized it was still on the couch. "Hold on Landon. We'll figure this out. Please...hold on." Shaking hands found their way to the railing of the stairs, and she slowly stood. Short of calling 911, there was no way she could leave the house immediately, but at the rapid rate she was losing blood, she knew she didn't have much of a choice.

The walk down the stairs left a path of red, and when Meredith glanced back up from the bottom of the steps, she realized she was already running out of time. She wasn't just bleeding, she was hemorrhaging. "Please, stop. Please.." Desperation clouded her voice as she pleaded, to the universe really, to save her baby. "Hold on Landon." Meredith made it as far as the couch before dizziness took over her. She dialed Mark's number.

***** [break] *****

"Meredith?" Mark could tell something wasn't right. He had that feeling, in the pit of his stomach, that told him something was seriously wrong. He'd shown up to the house about forty-five minutes after Lexie had called. His worry had started when Meredith hadn't answered his call to let her know he was on his way. He'd regretted not picking up the phone when she called, but considering he'd been in over his head with a screaming baby who was covered in poop from a leaking diaper, he tried not to beat himself up over it.

He knocked again, for the third time. When there was once again no answer, he tried the doorknob. Figuring it would be locked, he was surprised to find that he could just walk right in. "Meredith, it's Mark." The feeling in his gut intensified as he shut the door behind him.

"Meredith!" Worry turned to reality when he saw her there, passed out on the couch. Memories of the accident flooded back to him as he practically flew to where she was, heart pounding against his chest. "No, no!" A shaky hand made it's way to her neck, and relief washed over him when not only did he found her pulse but he managed to get a small moan from her. "Open your eyes, Meredith." Mark paled when he saw the blood. So much blood. Hell, he wasn't even sure how she was still alive. Other than in a trauma when they had a patient who was on the edge of death, he couldn't remember a time when he'd seen that much blood in one place. Tears filled his eyes when he glanced to the stairs, seeing the trail there as well. "Oh my God." He mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Derek's number, cursing when he didn't answer. "Of all the times, Shep." His attention turned back to the woman in front of him. "Meredith, it's Mark. I need you to open your eyes. Open your eyes, Meredith!" His voice became louder, and he shook her a bit.

She complied, barely. Meredith managed to open her eyes, but her gaze was glassy as she tried to comprehend what was going on "Mark," Slowly his name made it's way from her lips, bits and pieces of the last hour coming back to her. "The baby," She began to panic, tears streaming down her face a she fought his hold.

"You're going to be okay, Meredith. Everything is going to be okay." Mark tried desperately not to let her see that he was terrified. She was dying right there in front of him, and for all he knew, the baby could already be gone. "Just hold on. Hold on for me. Lets keep talking, okay? Tell me about the baby. Landon, right?"

"Please...help." She was still confused, clouded by blood loss and fear.

"I'm here, Meredith. You're okay." Mark made the quick decision that he wasn't going to waste any more time waiting on an ambulance. There wouldn't be anything they could do anyway. She needed fluids, blood, and an immediate c-section. Short of the fluids, they would be completely useless. "I want you to open your eyes, Meredith. Look at me." He frowned when he lost her gaze, lifting her into his arms. "Open your eyes!"

"Mark?" Meredith's arms managed to find their way around his neck. "Please, help me."

"Hold on, Meredith. Please hold on."

"Where's Derek?" Her head fell against his chest, eyes threatening to close again.

"I called Derek." He couldn't tell her he hadn't gotten ahold of him. That wasn't going to help anything. "Tell me about Landon, Meredith."

"Addison." She mumbled, trying to clear her thoughts. She wasn't listening to Mark. She couldn't. She was barely coherent enough to worry about her son. "I..." She winced as another contraction came. They'd started fast and furious after that first pain on the stairs, and before she'd lost a ton of blood she'd counted that they were roughly five minutes apart. "Mark."

"I'm right here, Meredith." He got her into his backseat and ignored the voice screaming at him that they were running out of time. "I'm calling Addison now." He practically jumped into the driver's seat, racing toward the hospital as he dialed her number. "Addison." Relief washed over him when she answered. "It's Mark. I need you to meet me at the hospital. Meredith went into labor and..." He struggled with words, his voice catching in his throat. "It's bad, Addison. There's so much blood. So..." Tears were forced aside. "I'm going to be there in fifteen minutes. Please get someone to find Derek." He hung up without giving her much time to say anything other than okay. "How are you doing, Meredith?" A glance in his rear-view mirror told him the answer to that question. She was so pale and so still that for a moment he thought the worst.

"Please, hurry." She whispered, fighting to stay awake. Her hand cradled her belly. Forty-five minutes of fast and furious hemorrhaging was fighting to take her life, and she knew it was a miracle she still had the ability to be awake at all.

"How long has she been bleeding?!" A distraught Addison met them at the doors of the ER. It was clear from her red and puffy eyes that she had been crying, but the moment they got Meredith onto a gurney, she was all business. "Mark!" She frowned when he just stood there, staring. The blood he was covered in didn't help to ease anyone's fears.

"I...I don't know. She tried to call me..." He glanced at the clock. "I guess it was about an hour ago. So..maybe..." He sighed. "I don't know. Is she..."

"We're taking her up now." She glanced at the ER nurse who was putting an IV in. "Right now."

"Where's Derek?"

"I paged him. Like ten times." Addison was already wheeling the gurney toward the elevators.

"I'm going to..."

Mark didn't need to find Derek. He came around the corner at full speed, his face almost as pale as his wife's. "What happened?!" There was a fight to stay on his feet when he saw the blood on Mark's scrubs. "What happened?!"

"She called Lexie and said her car wouldn't start. I went over to get her. She was...She..."

"Derek," Addison tried to be the calm in the storm, but even she was struggling. "We're taking her up now, to do a c-section. We'll figure everything out later."

"I..." Derek struggled, thankful when Mark's hand touched his shoulder.

"You can do this." Mark did what he could to comfort his friend. "You have to do this, for Meredith."

Somehow Derek pulled himself together, and nodded slowly. "What about the baby, Addison?" A rush of fear, anger, sadness, and horrific memories rushed over him.

"I'm not stopping to find out." She admitted as they got onto the elevator. She was grateful when Mark came with them. Derek needed someone, and she couldn't be that person while she was focused on saving Meredith's life.

"Derek," Meredith finally opened her eyes, tears falling faster when she saw him crying.

He grabbed her hand, his free hand running over her hair. "I'm here, Mer. It's going to be okay."

"It's too early. Please, don't..."

"We don't have a choice, Meredith." Addison saved Derek from having to be the one to argue. "We have to get Landon out now. You've lost..I don't even want to guess how much blood. We'll take good care of him."

"Derek," She pleaded

"We get to meet our son, Mer." He tried to keep things positive, glancing to Mark. Despite everything, it was comforting to have him there. Thank you didn't seem like enough, so he didn't say anything. Mark had saved his wife's life. There weren't words that could express that kind of gratitude.

**Please please please review! Baby Shepherd makes an appearance in the next chapter! **


	25. Meeting Landon

**I'm so excited to be writing this chapter. After everything, I hope I do it justice. It deserves to be great!**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

"Stay with us Meredith," It had taken Addison all of seven minutes to open Meredith up for a crash c-section. She had absolutely no idea what the condition of the baby would be, and she found herself holding her breath as she made the uterine incision. "How many units of blood do we have in?" She tried to distract herself, and the rest of the team in the room. It wasn't easy though, when everyone there cared equally about the woman laying on that table.

"Working on the second one, Dr. Montgomery." The scrub nurse was scribbling things down into Meredith's chart, exchanging a glance with the anesthesiologist. They were all on edge, each of them terrified that they might find the baby wasn't okay. And even if he was, the issue of saving Meredith's life was still there. She wasn't out of the woods yet, not by a long-shot.

Derek was quiet as he sat on a stool next to Meredith's head, brushing his thumb over her hair. It was taking everything in him just to take some deep breaths. Tears threatened to fall, but he forced them aside. "You need to get that in faster." He mumbled.

"Derek," Addison changed the subject, hoping to avoid a confrontation between her ex-husband and the operating room staff. "Once the baby is out, we're going to put Meredith under general anesthesia. Finishing up here is probably going to take a while, and I'd rather..."

"I understand." He was focused completely on Meredith. The last thing he wanted was to have her be put completely under, but he knew it was best for her.

She'd expected a fight, so Addison was taken back when he simply accepted what she said. "Meredith, you may feel some pressure and some tugging here. We're about thirty seconds away from baby."

Meredith managed to open her eyes, though they were tear-filled. She was scared, and barely holding on. The joy of meeting her son was barely enough to pull her into consciousness. "Derek," Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "I feel...funny."

There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, but Derek refused to let his wife know that the paleness of her face and the faintness in her voice was scaring him to death. "You're doing great, Meredith." He leaned down so he could whisper the words in her ear.

Less than a minute later, the sweet, sweet sound of soft cries broke the tense silence. "Beautiful baby boy." Addison didn't try to stop the tears of joy that clouded her vision as she held up the baby just high enough for Meredith to see over the curtain. "He looks fantastic for thirty-four weeks." She assured both parents, though she knew it was pretty obvious from how loud and pink he was. She handed him off to the nurses, a renewed hope filling the room. They had a healthy baby. There was no way they were going to lose his mother. This was going to be a good day. It had to be.

Derek and Meredith were both in a cloud of undefinable joy and elation, tears of relief and overwhelming happiness filling both of their eyes. After everything, after all of the heartache and the pain and the uncertainty, he was here. They had their son, and he was healthy despite everything. There really was no way to bottle that moment up, to describe it quite accurately. An immense amount of joy filled both of them, and for a moment Meredith's fight to live was forgotten. For a moment it was about their precious baby boy.

"Stay with him." It was the last thing Meredith managed before the anesthesiologist placed a mask over her face. She didn't get a chance to hold him, or touch him. Not yet. First she had to get out of that operating room in one piece, and that was already proving to be a bigger battle than any of them realized.

Derek's joy was abruptly interrupted as he moved away so they could put Meredith under, and he quickly wiped tears from his eyes. He wanted, desperately, to stay with her. But he was in the way now, and he wanted to honor what she'd asked of him. "Addison..."

She knew the question without hearing it. She knew he needed to know that she was going to be alright. It was hard, to know what words to use. She gathered in a deep breath and let it out slowly before choosing to do the right thing for him. He needed to be with his son. "Go with the baby. Meredith is in good hands here. I'll take good care of her." She could see his hesitation, and she offered him a forced smile. "Go."

He stood there a moment more, running his hand over Meredith's hair one last time before he caught eyes with Addison. A silent thank-you was exchanged before he followed the nurse who had the baby.

"How is she?" Mark practically jumped up from where he was sitting in the hallway, a deep sense of relief washing over him when he saw the baby swaddled in the nurse's arms. "He's beautiful." Even he fought tears, though his gaze on the newborn was short-lived. He turned his attention to Derek, hoping to hear good news.

Derek was caught in a place that he didn't quite know how to be in. There was a part of him that was overjoyed that his son was there and healthy, but there was also a part of him that was scared to death that he was going to lose his wife. It was a place he didn't know how to describe, and he was already sure that he never wanted to experience it again. "She's..." He sighed, struggling to find the words. He was grateful that Mark followed him to the neonatal intensive care unit. He needed a friend. "They were working on getting a third unit of blood into her when I left."

Mark winced. Three units of blood was not good. It meant that Meredith's blood loss was just as bad as it had appeared. There were no promises that she would ever walk out of that hospital, and the thought of that was crippling. Still, he knew that Derek needed him, so he put emotions aside. "Addison's a damn good doctor. The best."

"I know." Derek stared in awe at the tiny newborn laying in the isolet in front of him. He was grateful when he saw Arizona walk over. It was comforting, to know that he was in good hands. "Meredith was supposed to be here, to share this moment."

Mark knew there wasn't going to be anything he could say to ease his pain, so he decided to try to just remain as supportive as he could. "You should take some pictures for her." He handed his phone over. "Works as well as our digital camera, according to Lexie."

"Thanks," Derek couldn't help but smile. He appreciated the gesture from Mark, and considering pictures were the furthest thing from his mind, he was glad he'd suggested it.

"It's hard to get your head on straight. I'll help you out." Mark grinned, patting his shoulder. "He definitely didn't disappoint on the hair."

"Meredith will like that." Derek laughed a bit, noting the head full of hair he had. He and Mark both took a step back to give the NICU team more room to work.

"Doctor Shepherd," One of the nurses stepped over to them and smiled a bit, putting a bracelet on his arm that matched the baby's band. "If you and Dr. Sloan want to wait in the waiting room, I can come get you once we have him stabilized."

Derek opened his mouth to protest, but Mark cut him off. "He's in great hands. You need a minute to clear your head, and you don't want to see all of this anyway."

Despite how much he wanted to argue, Derek let Mark lead him into the hallway. The bubble of happiness quickly burst. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." He sank down into a chair.

"Thirty-four weeks is good. It's a hell of a lot better than a lot of those babies in there. And he looked really good."

"I know." He sighed, leaning his head against the wall. There was a long silence. "You saved Meredith's life."

Mark was caught off-guard by his words, and for a moment he struggled with how to respond. "I was there at the right time."

"No, Mark." He looked over at him. "You saved her life. I can't ever thank you enough for that."

"You're my brother, Derek." He smiled a bit. "I know things have been bad between us. But at the end of the day, you and Meredith...you're family."

"I should go back...and be with her."

"She'll want to know about the baby." He pointed out.

"Landon." He glanced toward the NICU door. "She wants to name him Landon."

It was a good ten minutes before Dr. Robbins walked out to them. "He looks really good, Derek." She smiled, leading them back to the room where Landon was. "We're giving him some oxygen because his levels were a little low, and he'll be on tube feedings for a week or so until he's a little stronger, but for thirty-four weeks considering his birth, he's doing great."

Derek had to pause there for a moment, a few feet from the isolet where his son was. It was so hard to see him like that, but at the same time the relief that he was alive was enough to bring tears to his eyes. "Do you happen to know how much he weighs? Meredith will want to know."

Arizona smiled as she watched him. "The insanity of all of those wires look much worse than they are...really. On a four pound baby, one IV is enough to make them look sick." She could tell he was freaking out a bit. "He's four pounds, two ounces."

"Don't tell me you're going to chicken out now." Mark tried to lighten the situation a bit.

It was enough, though, to get Derek to take a few steps forward so he could really get a good look at his soon. "Hi, Landon." Tears clouded his vision as he reached in and carefully touched his hand. "You have no idea what your mommy and I have been through to get you here."

Mark stayed back, giving him the time he needed. He glanced over at Arizona, waving a little bit as she left.

******* [break] *******

It was a couple of hours before Addison had Meredith Shepherd settled in the ICU. The surgery and fight to save her life had been harder than the seasoned doctor had ever imagined it would be, and she was beyond relieved when they'd finally been able to remove the placenta, control the bleeding, and stabilize her friend. She'd lost track of the units of blood that had gone in, but she'd stopped counting around four or five. Addison was confident though, that with a few days of rest and good care, Meredith would be just fine.

"Derek," She smiled as she walked out to the waiting room, glad to see that Mark and Lexie were both waiting there with him. "Meredith's doing great."

Derek didn't let another word come out of her mouth before he got up and hugged her, forcing tears aside. "Thank you." He whispered.

"Don't thank me. Mark's the one that got her here in time." She smiled as he stepped away from her again. "She's in the ICU and she's pretty weak and out of it, but I figure in a couple of days she'll be well on her way to normal."

"What about..."

"Not that I'd recommend it anytime soon," Addison knew his question before he even asked. "But down the road, when or if the two of you want, she can have more babies. And speaking of babies...how's Landon?"

"He's good." Derek smiled. "I told them I was sending you down there when you got done with Meredith."

"I wouldn't stay away even if you asked me too." She smiled. "I'll let you know what I think." She hugged him again, briefly. "Congratulations, Derek."

"They wouldn't be here without you." He insisted, smiling as he watched her shake her head while walking away.

"We don't want to crowd you guys, so we're going to give you some space." Lexie finally spoke up when Addison was gone. "But if you need anything, please let us know."

"I will." Derek smiled. "Thanks, for being here."

"We're family." Mark reminded him. "Now go see your wife." He handed his phone over. "And show Meredith these pictures. I'll be back to get that later."

Derek couldn't help but laugh at the silliness of him having to take Mark's phone just to get pictures of his son to Meredith. "Thanks," He was grateful, even if he did feel stupid for leaving his own phone downstairs. He headed back through the ICU doors, though he stopped just outside of Meredith's room. It was beyond hard to walk through those doors. Even if this time was different, he struggled with memories of the last time she'd been there. It took a few minutes and some long deep breaths before he finally found the courage to go to her bedside "Mer," He pulled a chair over.

She stirred a bit, opening her eyes for a moment though they quickly fell shut again. "The baby," She whispered, forcing fatigue, pain, and weakness aside.

"He's perfect, Meredith. He's doing so well." He couldn't avoid crying then, wiping her tears away as well when he saw them sliding slowly down her cheeks. "Four pounds, two ounces. And so much hair." He smiled when he saw the corners of her mouth turn up a bit.

"So he's..."

"He's great." He assured her. "He's on a little bit of oxygen, but otherwise he's awesome." He took her hand, brushing his thumb over the back of it. "You scared me to death."

"So...sorry."

He laughed a bit. "Nothing to be sorry for." He leaned over, kissing her forehead. "Sleep." The pictures could wait. She was barely able to even put two words together. He didn't want to push her.

Meredith wanted to say something, but she couldn't. A haze of blood-loss and anesthesia pulled her back into a much-needed sleep. What mattered was that she was alright, and their son was okay. Landon Shepherd was everything that they had hoped of, and dreamed of, and prayed for. He was there, and although he was a little early and small, he was doing well. They were finally on the path to happiness.

**I'm so sorry this was delayed. I have had a crazy life lately. **


	26. Author's Note!

Author's Note

Hey guys! I've gotten several reviews about whether or not this is the end of the story. I am so sorry to have disappeared. It has been a crazy few weeks here. I could give you a list of a million reasons why I've been missing, but it probably won't make a difference. Lol.

The point of this is just to let you all know I will be continuing this story. It's absolutely not finished. I'm working on the next chapter now. Hopefully you will stick around for it.

Katie


	27. Family and Friends

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"Derek,"

He was certain the sound of her voice had never sounded as beautiful. Despite the absolute exhaustion that had set in at some point during his sleepless night, Derek smiled when he heard his name. "Morning."

"How's Landon?" Meredith's entire world would cease to exist until she had her son in her arms. Her mind was still outrageously fuzzy, and considering the spinning room even with her head still against the pillow, she doubted she'd be able to get down to the NICU anytime soon. Her heart ached for her baby, but she tried to put the feeling of emptiness and sadness aside. Landon was okay. He was doing well, he was as healthy as they could hope for a premature baby, and she reminded herself that's what mattered the most.

"I have pictures." Derek's smile grew, and he took his gaze off of her monitors for a moment to grab Mark's phone. He almost laughed when he thought about his friend without it overnight. "He did well overnight. Still on oxygen, but Addison thinks they may be able to start weaning him off of it this afternoon." He held the phone up so she could see, scrolling through the pictures he'd taken.

"He looks like you," She was already tired, too tired to even wipe the tears from her eyes. It was a struggle to even see all of the pictures, and she was grateful when Derek got to the end so she could allow her eyes to fall shut again without feeling like a horrible mother for not paying attention to every single image in front of her.

"Mer," He worried when she barely showed interest in the photos, his smile fading as he set the phone aside.

"I'm okay," She could hear his concern. "Morphine makes me.."

"Cute," His smile came back, a bit. "Morphine makes you adorable." He ran his hand over her hair. "Get some sleep, Mer. I'll be here."

"Can't sleep," She mumbled, though her eyes were still closed.

"Mer,"

She couldn't help but smile a bit at his concern. "I'm fine. Just...thinking about the baby. Sort of in pain, and...I don't know. It's been a crazy twenty-four hours. I almost died, you know? I mean...when you see how much blood is on our floor..."

"I should have been there." It was one thing Derek would have a tough time coming to terms with. When she'd needed him the most, he'd been unavailable. He'd had no idea that she was in trouble, and if it hadn't been for one of the nurses that tracked him down when she came in, he would have missed the birth of their son. The thought of his wife almost bleeding to death on the floor of their home, unable to get in touch with him, was terrifying. And yet, it had happened. And it was a kick back to reality when she mentioned how it had affected her. It was honestly something he hadn't thought about yet. He'd been so focused on Landon, and Meredith living, that he hadn't thought about how traumatic things had been for her.

"You were here, when it mattered." She insisted.

"I'm so sorry, that things happened the way they did." He didn't really know what else to say. There was nothing he could say or do, he knew, to change how those events had affected her.

"I was scared." She admitted, opening her eyes for a second to look over at him. "All I could think about was you...finding out that I had died..in our house. That our son...was dead." Tears filled her eyes despite a desperate attempt to stop them.

"I'm so sorry," He repeated, his voice a whisper as he gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "So sorry, Mer. We don't have to do this again. We don't have to have another abby. Landon...he's...more than enough for me. You, and he...I don't need anything else."

"Yeah...that's...that would be good." She took his hand as she closed her eyes. "No more babies. I just...I need...I almost died."

Derek's eyes filled with tears when her voice broke. "I know." He whispered, running his free hand over her hair. "Sleep, Mer. I'm not going anywhere. Landon is doing great. The more you sleep, the stronger you'll get."

"I want to hold him." She whispered.

"You will, soon." He assured her. "But for now, really. Sleep."

She complied, but only because the wash of drugs in her IV took over and pulled her into a deep sleep.

Derek was relieved when she fell asleep, sighing as he got up from the chair where he was sitting. Despite their healthy son, it was going to take some time to heal from his terrifying birth. He just hoped that Meredith was strong enough to overcome it all. If anyone could, he knew it would be her.

***** [break] ******

"How's she doing?" Addison interrupted Derek's thoughts later that morning, smiling a bit when she saw he was still there. She figured he hadn't left, even to see the baby.

"She's been sleeping most of the morning." He looked over when she walked in. "I think she's doing okay. She seems pretty tired and weak, though. I haven't seen her really wake up fully yet."

The partial smile that was on Addison's face started to fade. "I'll order some new labs on her. We may need to give her another unit of blood and some more fluids. Then again, time will help too. I would expect that just the magnitude of everything she's been through is probably part of it."

"It's going to take some time." He didn't really want to spill Meredith's fears and emotional state to Addison while she was sleeping. It seemed like such a violation of her privacy, and that had happened enough in the last few years.

"She'll pull out on the other side of this." Addison assured him. "When she's able to spend some time with Landon, I'm sure that will help." She hated to wake her up when she was sleeping so well, so she decided to just check monitors instead of examining her while she was there. "She looks good to me, Derek. I think we just need to give things some more time."

"You'll check her numbers again though, right?"

"Absolutely. We'll make sure she doesn't need some more help. But her vitals look good to me, which is a good indication that she's probably fine." She scribbled a couple of things down in her chart. "Have you been down to see Landon today?"

"I haven't left her." He admitted. "I promised her I would be here."

"Derek," Addison frowned.

"I'm fine." He insisted, cutting her off. "We're fine."

"Okay," She wasn't about to argue with him. It wasn't her place. Sure, Meredith was her friend and he was her ex-husband, but arguing about whether or not he should go see his son was far beyond her boundaries. "I just came from the NICU." She tried to change the subject. "He looks really good. Not quite ready to try a bottle, but I think we'll see tomorrow how he does."

Derek couldn't help but smile. "It's not that I don't want to be there, Addison. I just..."

"I know."

"No...I know it seems...horrible. But I just...I told Meredith I would be here. And I don't want to leave her. She...she's freaking out...about everything that happened. Talking about almost dying in our house..and.."

"Derek, you don't have to justify yourself to me, really. I just know you want to be with him. And I know Meredith would understand."

"I don't want her here alone." He sighed.

"I can stay," She offered. "Chances are, she won't wake up anyway."

He hesitated, but nodded after a moment. "Okay." She was right. He did want to go. Being with his son was constantly on his mind, but not at the expense of his wife. "I won't be gone long." He was already on his feet.

"She'll be fine." Addison smiled, taking the seat he'd been in.

"Thanks." He watched Meredith for a moment before heading out the door and toward the elevator. It was nice to get out of that room. Too many memories of Grayson were brought back there. He'd be relieved when she was finally moved out of there, and he knew she felt the same way. A lot of her fear, he figured, was drawn out by that past trauma. Things would be much better for everyone when she was in a regular room and could see Landon on a regular basis.

"Dr. Shepherd," Landon's nurse, Susan, smiled when he walked into the NICU and over to the where the baby was. "I was just asking Dr. Montgomery if you were coming down here today."

"Couldn't stay away," He smiled, grateful when she stepped aside so he could reach down and gently stroke the tiny baby's hair. "How's he doing?"

"He's doing great," She smiled. "Did you want to hold him?"

Derek hesitated. He hated the thought of Meredith not being there for that. She was already struggling enough with not spending time with him, and he could only imagine how it would feel if she knew everyone was able to hold him but her. Still, something in the back of his mind also knew that Meredith would want to know that their son was being loved, that he was being touched and cared for. That part of him decided it was worth it. He did want to sit and hold Landon, and he hoped it would comfort Meredith to know that their tiny baby boy wasn't alone. "Absolutely." he smiled.

"That seat is yours then," She motioned to the chair there next to him, smiling as she started to rearrange some of the wires hooked up to the baby, trying to make it as easy as possible for Derek to hold him. "Probably the cutest little guy we have in here," She grinned as she carefully handled the bundled baby over.

Derek didn't even try to hold back his tears as he looked down at the tiny baby in his arms. "We've waited so long for you," he whispered, staring at him as if it were the last time he was going to see him. "You have no idea what your mommy went through to make sure you got here safely. You'll get to meet her soon, and I'm sure once she's here, she won't leave." He smiled, watching Landon as he slept. It was a feeling he was sure he would never forget.

Knowing that he was okay, and that they would take him home was almost something Derek didn't know how to comprehend. After all the loss they had suffered and all of the heartbreak, it was surreal. They were finally a family. Derek was convinced there was absolutely nothing in the world that could take away from the joy he felt. He finally had everything he'd waited so long for.

**Man, I'm rusty. Once again, so so sorry for the delay in updating! I am still here and I won't abandon this story! Please review!**


	28. Our Little Family

**Author's Note: **

**This story is very soon coming to an end, which means it's time to make some decisions. I will leave those decisions mostly in the hands of you guys, because let's face it, you're the ones I write these stories for. If you would like to see this story series continued in a third story, let me know. If you are satisfied with where this journey has taken Meredith &amp; Derek, and would rather see something different, let me know. If you have a specific storyline you're just dying to see me write, let me know. I do have ideas, but I want to see what you guys think first. **

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

Four weeks changed a lot for Meredith, Derek, and Landon. It had taken some time, but Meredith was finally getting back to normal physically, and was starting to be able to process the events of Landon's birth in a healthy way. It would still be a long road of emotional healing, but for the most part she wasn't unstable as she had been days following the event in her home. Landon had needed the full month in the neonatal intensive care unit to get strong enough and healthy enough to come home, but considering all things, he was doing exceptionally well.

"He's so tiny," Meredith whispered as she sat on the couch with their son swaddled in her arms. "Did you think he would be this tiny?" She glanced over to Derek, smiling when she saw how happy he looked. It had been such a long time since she'd seen that twinkle in his eyes.

"He's so much bigger than when he was born." He pointed out. "And yet, tiny." He agreed.

"I guess he's still just the size of most newborns." She mused, looking back down at the sleeping baby. "Under six pounds, so I guess maybe a little smaller than most."

"Some people have nine pound babies." Derek pointed out, sliding one arm around her.

"That's when I'm thankful for my c-section."

He laughed, planting a kiss on her temple. "I'm thankful for your c-section too. Otherwise I wouldn't have you here with me."

"Way to kill the mood." She made a face.

"Sorry," The last thing he wanted was to upset her. "Meredith, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's fine." Just like that, her smile was gone. Her voice was quiet. Her eyes were empty. She stared at Landon, void of emotion.

"Mer.." A sigh escaped his lips. "I am so sorry. I didn't..."

"I said, it's fine." She clipped.

"It's not fine." He wasn't going to accept that. He couldn't accept that. It wouldn't help her. "You're not fine. I should have been more careful. But Mer...you're not okay."

"Stop."

"I'm not going to stop. This is about you. It's about making sure you get through this. It's.."

"Stop it, Derek." Her tone had turned cold. "You need to stop. I'm the one that almost bled to death on this couch. Me. So you don't get to sit there and..."

"Stop." He frowned, his voice firm. "You need to talk to someone. You can't keep...spinning in this circle of..."

"Like you've never acted upset over something." She handed the baby to him, getting up before he had a chance to stop her.

Derek hated that he'd allowed mention of Landon's birth to even leave his mouth. He'd taken a perfectly happy conversation and turned it to crap, and now Meredith had shut down. He knew she was struggling emotionally, and he hated that there wasn't much he could do to help her. "Please let me help you through this, Meredith. Don't shut me out. You don't have to go through this alone."

"There's nothing to go through, Derek. I had a placenta that turned to crap, and I almost died. Our baby is lucky to be alive. But it's over. It's been over. I'm not going through anything."

"You're a very bad liar." He hesitantly tried to lighten the mood a bit.

Meredith paused, halting her journey to the kitchen. She looked back at him with tears in her eyes. "I just need some time, Derek. I'll be fine. Really. I'm not...fine, now. But, I will be. Landon's here, and he's okay, and really that's what matters to me."

Derek watched her for a moment, tilting his head to the side just a tad. He wanted to say the right thing, but it was next to impossible to know what that right thing was. "I love you, Meredith Grey. And we'll get through this, together." He hadn't noticed, before seeing her standing there, just how exhausted she looked. Landon had been hope a couple of nights, and Meredith hand't really slept at all. Neither one of them were particularly good at sleeping with their son home. He suspected it was because they both worried something would happen to him if they weren't watching. "You should take a nap." He doubted she would, but he was determined to at least try.

"Maybe so." She yawned. She was tired. Well, tired didn't really begin to describe how she felt. If given the chance, she could probably fall asleep standing up. "You'll stay with him, right? And stay awake? I don't want him alone."

"I'll be here," Derek smiled. Sleep would help, and he was glad she wasn't arguing with him. "Awake." He assured her.

She hesitated a moment, but deep down she knew she desperately needed the chance to rest, even if it was just for an hour. Her abdomen screamed at her to sit back down. Four weeks out from a major surgery wasn't really all that much time. The up and down off the couch still bugged her sometimes, and the stairs only added to it. Still, she was too focused on being a new mother to admit when she needed the chance to get off her feet. "Okay," He finally conceded knowing Derek would be true to his word.

"Okay," Derek smiled, watching as she headed upstairs. He was thrilled she was getting a chance to sleep. She needed it. Her mind needed it, and her body needed it. She was still recovering from a crash c-section, and he could see the flash of pain in her eyes sometimes when she did too much, even if she wouldn't admit to him how she was feeling.

Meredith took the stairs slowly. When she stopped at the top, part of her screamed to go back to her baby, but she knew he was in good hands. Derek was an amazing father, and she was completely comfortable in knowing Landon was well loved and taken care of while with his daddy. She sighed as she paused there for a moment, glancing back toward the living room one last time before heading to the bedroom. When her head hit the pillow, she realized just how much she needed the few minutes away. She didn't really plan to sleep, but within minutes she had drifted off.

Derek knew when he didn't see her in the next few minutes that she had fallen asleep, and he was thrilled. "Looks like it's just you and I for a bit, buddy." He kissed the top of Landon's head, smiling when the baby stirred in his arms. Even the soft cry that soon followed didn't bother Derek. In fact, it almost warmed his heart to hear that sound. It was something they had waited so long for. Really there wasn't much about fatherhood that rattled Derek Shepherd, at least not yet. "Let's get you something to eat." He patted Landon's back, whispering a soft shush into his ear. "Don't wake mommy," He whispered. "She really needs this sleep." Already a pro, he had a bottle fixed in minutes, laughing a bit when the tiny bundle in his arms aggressively sucked on the bottle. "So much aggression. We do always feed you, you know."

Derek really couldn't imagine life before being a father. Having Landon completed everything that he'd always wanted. His family, in his mind, was perfect. He had a beautiful wife that he couldn't possibly love any more, and a son who was beyond perfect. Baring any unexpected tragic events, Derek knew the days ahead would only bring with them happiness.

**As always, please review, and let me know your thoughts on what story should come next! This story will be wrapped up in the next chapter or two. **


	29. A New Life

**I've been missing for a while, I know. I'm sorry. Following the death of Derek on Grey's, I just had to step away. I won't launch into a whole monologue about it, but honestly…it's crap. I grieved for a character of a show that won my heart a long time ago. I wasn't sure if I could come back and finish this story. I realized though…this world of fanfiction is all we have left of Derek. I'm going to keep writing because I know we all love him and aren't ready to let his story end. **

**Here we are, in the final chapter. I so hope you've enjoyed these two stories. Depending on reader interest, I do have a third part planned.**

**Baby Makes Three**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

The next few weeks brought both change and stability to the lives of Meredith and Derek, and before they knew it they were facing both being back at work. Meredith was a nervous wreck. She'd had no idea just how difficult it was going to be to leave her newborn in the hands of someone else all day, and the level of panic that swelled up inside of her at just the thought of it was honestly more than she was really able to handle. There were still so many moments when she looked down at Landon and wondered what life would be like if he was their second living baby, if Grayson was still there. There were so many moments when she looked at him and thought of the baby they'd lost, the one she'd never really been able to meet. It was both joyful and painful to hold that tiny precious baby in her arms, and she found herself struggling more than she thought she would. She needed to talk to someone, and she knew it. But there was so much of her that wasn't really ready to admit it. Admitting that she needed therapy in order to be a mom was like admitting she was already failing, and she didn't want to fail. She wanted to be a good mom, great even, but it seemed too overwhelming. Holding him in her arms was sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world. It sometimes brought her more joy than anything she ever thought could. But sometimes it was a painful reminder of their loss, and the near loss of her own life. So she struggled, even though she desperately tried not to.

"She'll take good care of him, right? I mean, do you think the instructions we left were enough? Do you think I wrote the schedule out the right way? What if she has trouble understanding what I meant? What if..."

"Meredith," Derek smiled and took her hand as they walked through the doors of Seattle Grace. "Susie came highly recommended. We interviewed her three times. She's spent three days with us. She knows our schedule, and our routine, and exactly how we want Landon cared for. He'll be safe. We've run every background check possible, and we've talked to five references. I don't think we could have found a better person to take care of him when we can't be there. But if you're worried, you can always call. And I'll go home for lunch to make sure."

She drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "You're probably right." She fought back tears. "But, still..." She hesitated. "If something ever happened to him, Derek..."

"I know," He squeezed her hand gently. "Me too." Those words didn't need to be spoken. Neither of them would ever be able to deal with the loss of a child again. Landon was their entire world, which was why he'd made sure they had him in safe hands when they were working. "Why don't you call, before your shift starts, and check on him." He glanced at the clock.

"I know you have a surgery to get to. I'll call. You go." She put a smile on her face, giving him a brief kiss before heading to the break room to call Susie. Derek's words had been somewhat comforting, but really, it didn't matter who Landon was with. If she wasn't there and Derek wasn't there, she was going to be nervous. She already missed him something terrible, and despite how ridiculous it seemed, found herself counting down the moments until her shift was over.

"You're back?" Christina looked surprised to see her later that morning, shoving a cup of coffee in her hand. "You need this more than I do." She watched her, frowning. "McBaby is fine."

"What if he isn't?" She took a few sips of the coffee. "Please tell me this has caffeine." Christina was right. She needed it.

"He is." She insisted. "You guys did like...five million interviews with this lady. You called like, what, sixteen families that she has worked for."

"Five." She sighed, tossing the empty coffee cup into the trash as she walked to the elevators. "What if..."

"Seriously. Landon's fine. You and Derek, you're like...the most overprotective parents I've ever seen. Worse than the crazy ones that come through here with sick kids, even. He's fine."

"Christina."

"Look, you've done the whole mommy thing. You had the kid, you stayed home and did the whole diaper changing routine. You made the bottles…whatever it is people do with babies. Now you have to cut again."

She couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of her friend's words. "I'm so glad you're his godmother. I can tell you love him so much."

"Hey," There was a sudden seriousness to Christina Yang's voice. "I'd do anything for that kid. He's cute. Even with the hair." She handed a chart over to her. "For you. Since your moping."

"A gift?" Meredith grinned, opening the chart. "You're giving me this?"

"It's a one time thing. Next time you come in all looking like your house burned down or something, I'll let you cry."

"Thanks," She laughed, looking through the chart. She'd never known Christina to hand over such an amazing surgery to anyone, and to be honest, there was a part of her that knew she was right. She had missed working. She loved her son, and she loved being there with him, but she was a person torn between two worlds. She was born a surgeon. It was in her blood.

"Try not to kill the guy," She turned the corner to check on her own patients, leaving Meredith to go meet hers.

Meredith spent a few minutes looking through the chart before going to meet her patient. Nervousness set in as she stepped into his room. His surgery wasn't scheduled until noon. It would, at minimum, take a good eight hours. She'd have to stay for some time after to monitor him which meant she'd get home long after Landon was asleep. She could feel her chest getting tight and her heart rate increasing, but as the patient introduced himself, she forced herself to take some deep breaths.

She couldn't walk away from her job. She couldn't let the fear of what happened in the past keep her from living the life she and Derek both wanted for their family. She would never be her mother, that was for sure. Ellis had been all work. Meredith was sure that somewhere deep down inside she loved her, but really, she'd been a great candidate for a single life with no kids. Meredith didn't want that. She wanted to be extraordinary, both in her job, and as a wife and mother. She wanted to be able to push past the tragedy and pain that she and Derek had endured, and move to a place where they could find peace, and balance. 

So she stayed. Despite her anxiety and the increasing feeling of bursting into tears, Meredith Grey stayed. She went over the surgical plan with her patient, and scrubbed in a few hours later. She forced herself to trust that her son was safe, and to trust that Derek wouldn't let anything happen to either one of them. She forced herself to focus on saving the man's life. She tried to enjoy the surgery.

****** break *******

"Hey," Derek smiled when she got home that night around nine. He was sitting on the couch, Landon asleep on his chest. There was a baseball game on in the background, but honestly, he'd been more focused on watching his son sleep than watching the television. "Heard you kicked a tumor's ass today."

Meredith wasted no time plopping down next to him, tears sliding down her cheeks as he handed Landon over. "Yeah," She held the baby close, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

"Mer," A frown settled on Derek's face. He reached over, wiping tears from her eyes.

"I'm fine." She insisted, her voice a breathy whisper.

"You don't look fine." His arm slid around her shoulders.

"I missed him." She wiped a few more tears away. "I missed him so much, Derek. I couldn't stop thinking about him…not even for a second. I tried. I really did. But I…"

He stopped her when her crying increased. "Meredith." A sympathetic sigh escaped his lips, and he pulled her close, kissing the side of her head. "Look at me, Meredith."

She did, barely.

"You are a wonderful mother. It's okay that you worry about him. I know this is hard. It's supposed to be. Leaving your baby isn't easy, even if you haven't gone through what we have. But that's what makes you amazing. This will get better."

"What if it doesn't? I don't know if I can do this, Derek. I don't know if I can sit and worry about him every day. I just…I keep waiting for a phone call saying he's…"

"You need to talk to someone, Mer." His frown deepened. "I don't want this consuming you. I don't want you so scared that you can't enjoy your life. Landon is safe here. He's loved, and he's cared for, and he's safe. But you have to be able to trust that."

"I don't know how."

"We're not going back, Mer. We're not going back to loss and tragedy, and death. We've been given a second chance. This life…it's the three of us now. No one and nothing is going to take that away."

"Derek…"

"I promise." He insisted.

"How?"

"I want you to trust me, Mer. I want you to trust me that this is your chance to be happy. This is our chance to have a family. Please, talk to someone."

"Okay," She was hesitant, but she agreed after a minute.

"I love you," He smiled a bit, watching her with the baby.

"You saved my life, Derek." Meredith whispered after a minute. "And I don't just mean…physically. You…I wouldn't be here without you. I couldn't live this life without you, Derek."

"You're extraordinary, Meredith." He brushed his hand over her hair, kissing her softly. "We saved each other."

They fell asleep there in each other's arms. At some point in the night Derek stirred enough to carry both she and Landon upstairs. He stood over his son's crib, wiping a tear from his eye as he watched him sleep. This was the life he'd waited so long to have. If nothing ever changed, if they never had another baby, this was enough for him. Derek Shepherd had everything he needed. Their life together would be beautiful. It had to be. The darkness was behind them. He wouldn't let it be any other way. If he had to spend every day of the rest of his life bringing his wife back to a place of peace and laughter, he would to it with joy. Meredith Grey was his entire world, and they were finally where they wanted to be. Between the two of them, and the precious baby sleeping in front of him, he knew nothing that came their way would ever destroy what they had.

**The End**


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